Tie my heartstrings ❦

lovers spit

Song: Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey
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Katie

When I reached my bedroom, I felt relieved to be out of his sight.

I was acting like an embarrassing mess around the man.  

He just makes me so confused. Firstly him speaking kindly to me, to then him helping me the other night when I split my soda everywhere. Then, today, asking to try my cereal. I made up a shitty excuse to run to my room. It's hard to decipher what I should feel when he confuses me this much.

I force my mind away from these thoughts. Instead, I have every intention of snuggling up in bed and falling back asleep. It's 6:40 am on a Saturday. I am going back to fucking bed.

Hours pass, and I open my eyes, grabbing my phone to check it. Jesus, I slept for 4 hours. As I'm checking my phone notifications, I have a weird feeling turning in my stomach as my thoughts resume to go crazy.

A little excitement stirs inside me after my little encounters with Hudson. But I remind myself I had no real reason to have these feelings.

I am just his Bestfriends annoying daughter. This is just like me overanalyzing situations and reading too deeply into them.

Any sort of male attention from and older man and I automatically assume they like me. I tend to overthink a lot which always ends up in me stressing myself out over nothing.

I still can't push the fact that it has been hours since we'd spoken in the kitchen, and in that time, I took a nap, and I'm still thinking about it. I have never felt the giddy, nervous way I feel around Hudson around any other guy. It's concerning me.

Maybe It's just because he's older than me and more mature. If he was hitting on me, I still doubt why he would hit on me... I know I'm beautiful, but still. He can't help but make me feel so insecure.

There were countless beautiful women his age that happily threw themselves at him. I know this as I have witnessed every event my father has taken me to with them. I see the way he gets attention from supermodels and hot women. It's no surprise he receives attention from women, given he's successful, rich, and very lovely to look at.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't notice his gaze downstairs. On me.
It flickered down to my chest when I was speaking to him or to my eyes as I looked up at him. Something flickered in his eyes as he was oddly concentrated on my face.

I felt the heaviness of his stare, and somehow it made me feel desired.
It was strange and something I'd never thought about until he made me feel that way. I didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.

For all I knew, he just could have been watching over me to make sure I was almost done helping with the mess last night. And was hungry the second time. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I decided on a relaxing bath with lavender-scented bubbles. Automatically relax the minute I step in, the heat calming my anxious nerves. I soak in the bubbles briefly, calming my head down.

After feeling too relaxed, I got out of my bath and put on sweats and a t-shirt. I go to finish the book on my bed. Relaxing time on the weekend has always been my favorite. I love cuddling up in my warm bed with scented candles, self-care, and sleeping.

I faintly hear Hudson downstairs playing tracks and working on something. I don't know why I feel uncomfortable now in my own house, to return to the kitchen and get a snack. I'm just scared of another awkward encounter.

Screw that. It's my house.

If he talked to me more, everything would be so much easier.

I leave my room and make my way downstairs to the kitchen.  I decide on some ice cream. I fix myself a bowl as I feel better when the sweet flavor hits my tongue—my moment is ruined when I hear footsteps coming to the kitchen. And just to my luck, it's Hudson entering.