Let Yourself Fall

twelve

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Damien

It's as if everything reminds me of her. My mind consumed entirely by her.

Does it happen like this to everyone? Do you start to... Fuck, what was I going to say? Develop feelings?

Okay, scratch that. I can't wrap my head around it either. But is it normal to crave someone's presence so intensely? To yearn for the sound of someone's voice and laughter so badly that your head snaps up whenever you hear a female voice? And then you feel disappointed because it's not the person you pathetically miss.

It's been two days since I last saw her. Just two days, and I'm already feeling anxious. I don't even know what the fuck is wrong with me. I've managed just fine without her for 25 years. So why am I turning into a whiny, clingy bitch now?

But damn, these past two days have felt longer than usual. The universe is torturing me. Ah, screw it.

–Me– Stop distracting me. I need to work! x

Does that sound...?

Awful! Absolutely awful! What in the world has gotten into me?

I swear I'm good at this... Well, usually I can flirt girls out of their panties and into my bed in two seconds. But throw some feelings into the mix... and I'm useless.

Why is it so much harder when emotions are involved? Shouldn't it be easier? But thinking about it... No, of course, it isn't. Because when I don't care about someone? Well, then I don't care about the outcome either. I say what I want to get what I want. And if, for some reason, I don't get it...

I wouldn't give a single fuck. I'd just move on to the next woman.

And now? I think twice before saying something, almost shitting my pants – too afraid to scare her off. How pathetic am I? That's what you get for never dating. That's what you get for not even dating in high school. It's like I've been thrown back in time. I'm a teenager again, experiencing things for the first time. That's what it is. I've been fucking thrown back 10 years. So many firsts that I have no clue about. First dates, first time genuinely liking a girl. Not just wanting to get into her pants. First night together. First month anniversary. First fight, first...

Oh, hell.

I told Noelle she shouldn't worry too much. That we're just doing our thing. That we're doing just fine. And here I am, almost losing my mind.

Talking about people who can't take their own freaking advice.

I run my hands through my hair in frustration and let out a loud sigh.

I wish I were more experienced in... this dating thing. But on the other hand... I do quite like the fact that she's somehow my... first?

That we're experiencing this together.

It does feel kind of special.

My screen lights up, indicating I have a new message, and I immediately start to grin.

–Noelle– So I'm distracting you even when I'm not anywhere near you? I can't tell you that I'm sorry... Because... well, I'm not! Keep thinking about me, I so do not mind xx

That little minx. I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing. I'm about to reply when another message pops up.

ps.: but let me tell you a secret. I'm not doing any better over here. I've literally just read this stupid chapter for the fifth time and I still don't have a clue what it was about.