8.

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"Leah can I talk to you" I hear a voice say snapping me out of my gaze, when I scan for Leah I see her standing next to Jordan. Oh this is great.

My leg won't stop bouncing, I just have a bad feeling about this. I see them return and a weird expression on Leah's face. It's nearly 11 o'clock and I'm tired and I don't think I'm prepared for what the conversation is going to be with Leah. "Guys I'm gonna head I'm quite tired" I say announcing to everyone earning a few boos from Katie and Lisa who I don't think ever sleep to be honest. "Thanks for tonight everyone I had a great time" I say before picking up my coat and walk out the door.

It's the next day and I have a huge headache. I eventually manage to get myself up and downstairs before taking a few painkillers.

Training was slightly later today so I made myself some breakfast and started eating. I started to think about how Leah didn't even say bye when I left last night or text goodnight or even good morning, she's always text goodnight before I fell asleep or even morning for when I wake up.My thoughts start racing, does she really feel the same?

I knew I had to distract myself so I go to my music studio. I've always loved to play music, listen or even teach it, it's so calming.

I start writing down lyrics, ideas kept popping into my head so I wrote everything down:

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I start writing down lyrics, ideas kept popping into my head so I wrote everything down:

🎵 'Cold bones, yeah, that's my love
She hides away, like a ghost
Does she know that we bleed the same?
Don't wanna cry but I break that way
Cold sheets, but where's my love?
I am searching high
I'm searching low in the night
Does she know that we bleed the same?
Don't wanna cry but I break that way
Did she run away?
Did she run away, I don't know
If she ran away
If she ran away, come back home
Just come home
I got a fear, oh, in my blood
She was carried up into the clouds, high above
If you've bled, I bleed the same
If you're scared, I'm on my way
Did you run away?
Did you run away, I don't need to know
If you ran away
If you ran away, come back home
Just come home' 🎵

(Song is called wheres my love, by SYML)

I start creating a slow beat and sing the lyrics, with a guitar. Finally I recorded myself and kept it on my hard drive. I pick up my phone and check the time. Shit. I've got 20 minutes to get to training, I run out of my studio and go straight into my bedroom. I put on my training gear and grab my keys before leaving.

I arrive at the training ground and I'm 3 minutes late, I run straight through to the training pitches where everyone is in small groups. I see a few of them laugh at me but I brush past it. Jonas wasn't there so I assumed I got a way with it however I see him come over and he pulls me to one side, telling everyone to jog around the pitch.

"Before you say anything I know I'm a few minutes late, I apologise I was in my studio and lost track of time" I say trying to catch my breath.
He gives me a surprised look, "a studio impressive Bella. Anyways I wanted to chat to you about the game against West Ham tomorrow" he says which instantly made me nervous. "Stina is back and fully fit so we'll be looking to get her minutes for the game next Tuesday against Barcelona" I totally forgot that's the second leg of the quarters. "So I will be starting you against West Ham" he says which made me happy knowing I'll get to play but it felt like he didn't want me to or he was forced into it. I was a bit confused but eventually joined up with the team warming up.

It was a light session since the game is tomorrow so we went over a few set pieces. After the session I looked for Leah since she rarely spoke to me during training, we're normally inseparable but you couldn't get us together. I'm pretty sure the team felt this weird atmosphere so I knew I had to do something for them not to suspect anything.

I walked through the training centre and couldn't find her, I didn't want to give up so I started asking everyone. Most people didn't know until I asked Jordan I got the idea of where she would be, I went back outside to the pitch that was hidden. I completely forgot about this pitch to be honest.

I look over and see a tall blonde with a football, I knew it was Leah. "Leah I've been looking for you everywhere" I say jogging over to her, she doesn't lift her head. "Okay you have to tell me what's going on. You didn't speak to me last night, you didn't message me either and rubbered me" I say raising my voice a little. She still doesn't say anything, "Leah I swear what is going on" I say starting to get frustrated.

She eventually looks up, "I'm so sorry" leah says which makes me very confused, "sorry for what? I don't understand leah." She takes a deep breath, "Jordan and I kissed last night..."

I felt my heart rip out of my chest. My eyes fill up with tears, "I don't even know what to say" I say truthfully. "Bels I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it I swear it meant nothing. She started saying she still has feelings and kissed me... I didn't pull away but I swear-" I cut Leah off, "you didn't pull away?" I ask her, her head goes down. "I thought we had something, I've opened up to you when I would usually bottle it all up. You've seen my mum in a fucking hospital bed and this is how you treat me?" I say raising my voice as tears stream down my face. She didn't say a word, I couldn't bare looking at her so I walked away.

I couldn't stop crying, I walked straight through the training centre to the car park. I go inside my car and burst out crying again, my breathing started to get quicker and I started to panic, I hear a knock on my window. They open the door and pull me into a hug, after a few minutes I calm down. When I look up I see a very concerned Laura, I smile at her. "Thank you" I say, "are you okay?" She asks me, was I? No but I couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell anyone but my mum. "Yeah I am, I just had a panic attack I'm okay" I say before putting the keys in the engine, "I'm here if you need me" she says with a smile, I hug her once more and leave.

When I arrive at the hospital I basically sprint up to my mums room, when I go in I see her doing a sudoku puzzle. Tears starting streaming out of my eyes, "honey what's wrong" she says as I go over to her. I couldn't say anything yet, I just wanted to be in my mums arms. After a few seconds I begin to explain everything. She looked shocked and I can understand why. She comforts me for a while and then changed the subject knowing I don't want to talk about it anymore. "You play West Ham tomorrow?" She asks which brings a smile to my face, "yeah and I'm starting" "I'm very happy for you, go out and smash it" she says which makes me laugh. She doesn't like football that much but to know she supports me is enough.

It's getting late and my mum has fallen asleep so I decided to call it a night.

———-

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