Her return

Chapter 32

Alec and I were laying on our sides on the bed so we could stare at each other. I loved staring at Alec's green eyes. They were like a forest during sunset, golden light filtering between the branch of the trees. They were beautiful and looking at them makes me feel calm and at peace.

Alec gingerly stroked my arm and the length of my body, keeping my head on reality.

"The other night, we were sitting around a bonfire talking about ourselves to get to know each other better, but at some point, a memory of them came up and started laughing, sharing anecdotes of that memory... a memory I wasn't part of and it... hurt. It made the fact that I spent eleven years away from them more real, more... unbearable"

I close my eyes trying to take control of my emotions. I was probably overreacting. It's not like I can ask them not to talk about happy moments that didn't have me in them, but I wish they would.

"Riley" Alec softly says my name, caressing my cheek. "There's nothing wrong about feeling that way, it makes complete sense. Your family should have been more empathic about talking about that kind of thing in front of you, especially knowing it hurts you..."

"They don't know. I couldn't bring myself to tell them and ruin their joy" I mumble, avoiding Alec's gaze.

"What about your joy?"

I don't answer, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to hurt my family, that took me in after so long. I can't help but think of putting their happiness over mine.

"Riley, you should tell them how you are feeling. The last thing they want to do is hurt you"

Alec lifts my chin to look at him, and I see genuine concern and honesty in his eyes.

"It just... hurts so bad" I whimper, feeling my lower lip tremble. "It felt as if they were better off without me. Now that I am back, they won't be able to make more happy memories and I know it is stupid but..." I close my eyes and growl to myself, feeling angry for how I was feeling.

"Riley" Alec chides sternly.

"No" I stop him, knowing that if I don't let everything out now, I'll never will. "I feel stupid for what caused the incident, but, at the same time, I don't want to regret meeting my adoptive parents because after all, I was all they got and I was there when dad died, or else he would have been left alone after mom died and..."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling, their death still fresh in my mind and heart.

"But I also feel bad for not regretting it, because I wasted so much time with my family, but I know my family has so many years to live, while Thomas and Meggan only had eleven years with me, and I know they loved me dearly"

I sniffle loudly.

Even imagining a scenario where I don't meet them hurts my heart. There's been and are so many people that are dear to me, and I don't want to choose between them.

"But now, I won't be able to not look at the pictures where my family is smiling to the camera while having the time of their life, with one less member of the family. I don't know if I'll ever be able to ignore them because there's plenty on the second floor"

Needing the comforting touch of my mate, I dive in and bury my head on his naked chest, relishing the warmth radiating off his chest. Alec buries his nose in my hair and moves it from side to side, in a light caress.

"You were a kid, Riley. You can't keep torturing yourself by blaming yourself for what happened. It was an accident!" he remarks, attempting to engrave it into my head. "You need to stop and overcome your guilt, to accept it was an accident and there's nothing you can do about it but to celebrate that you are back where you belong. And only then, you'll be able to move on and be happy" he says, pulling me away from him so I am looking at him. "And I'd start by coming clean to your family. They deserve to know what you are going through. Is not a minor trauma, and you shouldn't downplay what happened to you"