Silvanna Snape {Marauders}

Chapter One-Hundred-and-Forty-Two

It was Silvanna's first Halloween alone. Her mum had always made a big deal out of it - or as big a deal as they could - and she'd never understood why. It hadn't been until she got to Hogwarts that she realised it was a wizarding holiday, that it was her mum's way of celebrating their culture and traditions.

The day had always been spent away from the house - in a park if the weather was clear or in town if it was raining. And there was a nice treat for tea - usually a chicken dinner followed by some kind of homemade cake.

Even after the annual celebrations with her friends, she still never understood why her mum made such a huge deal out of it. For her growing up, it had been odd that out of everyone in their area only they really celebrated. And once she was at school, it was just something that was done, a party to be had, like all the others.

This year, sitting apart from her friends at the feast, she was more miserable than ever. She was careful not to let it show of course, eating in silence as though she were merely at dinner. But every part of her wanted to be down there laughing with them; even James and Lily were sat next to each other without bickering.

Focussing on the chocolate cake and cream in front of her, she looked around and caught Dumbledore's eye. He'd been watching her glancing down at them. He just bowed his head, ever so slightly, before talking to Professor Sprout as if nothing had been exchanged.

But tonight that acknowledgement meant the world to her. More than he could possibly know. What she was doing was worth something. It didn't take any of the pain away, but it made it bearable.

Letting her eyes flit around once more, she found a pair of grey ones all the way across the room. Regulus's hard staring ones, his eyebrows slightly raised after viewing the exchange. The corners of his mouth twitched, so that he may as well have screamed, I knew it! But he did nothing, other than sip his drink, and help himself to a small slice of treacle tart.

It wasn't until after that she realised the true heaviness of the two looks, when Regulus approached her after the feast. Dumbledore's words of smiling came to her mind, and she greeted him as though he were a friend and not an enemy.

This was possibly the worst thing she could have done as she smiled at him, because it was in this moment that her friends walked past, with the worst timing in the world. "I've hardly seen you since we've been back-" she began before noticing them. Sirius, a face like thunder, had actually drawn his wand before it was pushed back into his pocket by Peter, and Lily had to push Remus to keep him moving.

Regulus placed an unusually friendly hand on her arm, and she found she was watching them go. Swallowing and bringing herself back into focus, she forced a smile at him. "Ignore them," he said softly. "They have no idea."

"Not many people do," she said. She felt like adding including you, but she was beginning to doubt it.

As though reading her mind - which she had no doubt he could do, but she was an occlumens so it didn't matter - he said, "We've got a lot in common you know. Including that." He waved behind them to the corner around which Sirius had just disappeared. "I mean you're obviously a blood traitor communicating with Dumbledore, but small things like that can be overlooked."

He let out a single laugh, and she just smiled. "I don't know where you got that from," she said, startled by his bluntness.

"A crazy theory, I know." They stopped walking, which she hadn't even realised they were doing, and stared at her, sharp eyes narrowed. "If it were true I'd have to sell you out."

"Would you?" she asked, pretending to sound uninterested. She picked at her nail before looking back at him.

"Maybe I wouldn't," he contemplated. "Maybe I'd keep the one person going through the same things as me around. Maybe if you were doing that it wouldn't matter, because no one would ever find out and our side will win the war anyway, so it won't make a difference."

It stung like a cold, winter wind on an open hillside. Was she making a difference, or was Dumbledore just trying to motivate her with the reassuring look? How could she possibly know without asking directly? Was all this even worth it?

"I suppose what I'm saying," he said quietly, "is that if all this were true, it wouldn't matter." He leaned in to speak in her ear like he had at the Whitechapel ball. "You understand me Silvanna. Only a fool would allow that to pass."

He stepped back, and before she could respond, bid her goodnight with a knowing smile. She felt like it would be impossible for her to reproduce that knowing smile because she had no idea what had just happened.

She shook herself, removing it from her mind, before turning to head back to the common room. Not looking where she was going, she walked into someone, brushing past them with a mumbled apology. "You should be sorry, whore."

Her back straightened, ears pricking up, and she turned, frowning at who had spoken to her. It was a girl in Slytherin robes, with a badge pinned to her chest. She had a friend with her, who was doing a very impressive sneer. "I beg your pardon?" What were they doing, all the way up here?

"You heard me," snapped the girl. "Grabbing at both Black heirs? You're a whore."

"Do I know you?" asked Silvanna , crossing her arms. She shouldn't engage, she knew that, but sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

The girl scoffed, looking offended. "Yes, you do," her friend said. Silvanna raised her eyebrows expectantly. "Alyssa Abbot? You danced with her brother at the Malfoy ball." That rang an extremely faint bell. Maybe she wasn't as good a spy as she thought she was. "Whore," she added as an afterthought. The word was beginning to lose its meaning.

The first girl shook her head. "Watch your back, Snape." It sounded like she was trying to turn Silvanna's actual name into an insult, which failed spectacularly because, well it was her name. Maybe people thought she'd prefer to call herself Prince but...that wasn't her name.

People could be very confusing.