Survivalist

Chapter 19

Notes:

Whewwwww... I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. It was fun to write. Honestly I might be taking a week off next week depending on how I'm feeling because I have the worst case of writers block. Pray for me. Till then, enjoy.
*KISSES*

Chapter Text

Shadows settle on the place that you left
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time
From the perfect start to the finish line -

Youth by Daughter

The bus ride to Virginia seemed like it only took five minutes. You felt completely stuck outside of your body. Numb. nothing felt real anymore. Nothing was real. You couldn’t remember the last time that you had spoken. Maybe a day ago, maybe longer. You couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t eat (not that there was anything worth eating anyway.) You had lost your hope. Tyreese was gone, Beth was gone… Beth was good, maybe the last good person around. And now that she was gone everything just seemed incredibly stupid. You remembered back at the prison, a time which seemed like a lifetime ago, Beth was holding Judith and quietly singing to her. She sang a song which was by The Smiths, you listened to her lyrics and thought that it represented her perfectly.

“And if a double-decker bus Crashes into us To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die

And if a ten ton truck Kills the both of us To die by your side Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine Oh, there is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out There is a light and it never goes out.” She sung, swinging Judith back and forth. But now, she was gone. And a light did seem like it went out. Between your legs there laid a bag. It had the belongings which were on you and Beth when you arrived at the hospital. Weapons, pieces of jewelry, her notebook. Nobody dared to look inside her journal, it was private. You had taken out your knife and kept it on your hip, but the rest of the items stayed neatly tucked away. Maybe this had just been too much for you. The prison, The claimers, Terminus, miscarrying, and then losing Beth… You just couldn’t deal with the fallout anymore. You were sitting beside the bus that the group had been driving in before it had broken down. You all had been resting for a few hours, searching for water. Everyone seemed to be unsuccessful. Everyone stayed quiet, too quiet. The light had been sucked out of everyone in the group. Abraham was drinking whisky because he didn’t have anything else to lose at this point. Noah was slumped down in defeat because he lost his entire family. Then there was Sasha, who in the span of about a week and a half lost the two most important people left in her life. Your ribs were starting to show again, much like how they had in between your time at the farm and the prison. You didn’t feel hungry. You were lost. Rick was trying so hard to be kind to you. He was being an angel, so kind. But you couldn’t reciprocate the feelings. You didn’t know how much longer you were going to be here. Maybe it would be the best thing just to push him and Carl away. Rick slowly started to walk towards you. In his hands, he carried a piece of rabbit which they had caught and killed earlier in the morning. He had been slowly roasting it on the fire for about an hour, and now tried to hand it to you. You shook your head, not feeling hungry. Not feeling anything. Rick leaned down, and looked you in the eyes.

“Hey… you’ve got to eat.” He whispered. You shook your head. You weren’t hungry. Maybe that might seem like bullshit, since you hadn’t eaten in days but it was true. 

“I’m not hungry.” You told him, keeping your gaze to the ground.

“Y/N-”
“I’m not hungry, Rick!” You said in a much more direct tone, making eye contact with him. He inhaled slowly, and shook his head.