Survivalist

Chapter 4

Notes:

Please vote for this chapter!
Because your character is in isolation I was wondering what you guys would think about having a chapter of ricks POV with the situation?
Let me know in the comments!

Chapter Text

You looked in the mirror as you brushed your long hair. It hadn't been cut since the world went to shit, the long locks exceeding down your scalp. You used a hair tie that Negan gave you to place your hair in a braid. The only good things about the sanctuary was the showers and the food. You felt so much cleaner than you had in years. You slipped on a pair of black distressed skinny jeans that Dwight delivered, a flown blue tank top, and lastly grey converse shoes. Dwight gave you new cloths every few days along with needed toiletries and food. After you dressed yourself you headed to the small table you ate at. Food hadn't been delivered to you yet so you poured yourself a cup of water. Things had been pretty normal in the sanctuary since you went to Alexandria. You hadn't seen Negan since the excursion... something you were happy about. Although the sanctuary and this situation was far from comfortable you felt less terrified and miserable these past few days. You jumped as there was a sharp knock on the door. You looked over to see Dwight carrying in a tray. He handed you a plate of chocolate pancakes, fruit, bacon, and coffee. They still didn't trust you with anything that could potentially be a weapon, meaning you were given a plastic spoon to eat with. He smiled and left you without saying another word.

You stayed absolutely silent as you hid under a car from the large group of walkers. You were under a car next to Shane and Glenn. You grasped your knife tight ready to attack when necessary. Everything seemed to be going pretty well and you almost believed that everyone was going to survive. The whole group passed your truck and you exhaled in relief. You exchanged a smile with Glenn and as you turned to Shane you heard a loud sheik. It was Sophia, being chased by walkers. You moved quickly, attempting to rescue her. Before you could move out of the car Shane grabbed your small waist. You tried to complain but before you could his large hand covered your mouth. You looked at him and he nodded at you. You sighed and relaxed in his grip. He let go of your mouth, but kept a firm grip on your waist.
"Don't get us all killed" he whispered in your ear.
You nodded in agreement and he released himself from your waist.

You stared at the ceiling. You were bored out of your mind. You felt so pointless and lonely. You miss Rick.
You missed his smell, his voice, the way he kissed you, the way he touched you, the way he fucked you.
You and ricks sex life was amazing. It wasn't the only part of your relationship, and it wasn't the reason you were together... but the sex was a big plus of the relationship. He was the best person you'd ever slept with, and he was extremely sweet. In the bedroom he was the perfect balance of sexy and kind. God, you missed him. You missed kissing him. You missed the happy feeling when you were around him. Even in the worst situations, being near Rick made you happier. You wondered what he was doing right now. Knowing him he was probably plotting against Negan, or trying to find a way to save you.
You hated being a damsel in destress. You didn't want him to think he needed to rescue you. You hoped he was alright. You hoped he didn't blame himself for Abraham and Glenn's death. It made you sick to imagine how distraught he must be.
You laid in the bed in silence, thinking about how you got here.

You, Carl, Shane, and Rick kept looking for Sophia.
You volunteered yourself knowing that you were strong enough to handle your own shit.
"We'll find her." You told Carl.
The boy looked up at you with a small smile on his face.
"I know."
The four of you kept walking, you found yourselves deeper in the woods and you stoped for a small sip of water. Shane stayed behind with you, letting Carl and Rick walk ahead.
"You know Y/N, you have some balls." Shane smirked at you.
"Why do you say that?" You ask
"You almost sacrificed yourself for sophia... you handled your shit at the CDC... handled your shit by staying alive."
You looked up and him, taking another swig from your cantine.
"Again, Why are you saying this?"
"I'm thinking of skipping town... after we find sophia. You in?"
You furrow your eyebrows
"Why are You asking me?"
"Like I said... you can handle your shit, it'd be nice to have someone watching my back... what do you think?"
The question did explain why Shane was being such an ass to Carl earlier, and his overall moodiness lately. You still felt confused about why he asked you.
Before you could answer Carl shouted
"Guys hurry up!" At you and Shane.
You looked towards the young boy.
"Coming!" You yelled.
You began to walk back and looked at Shane who was patiently waiting your answer.
"Sure."
"Really?"
"Ain't like there's anything keeping me here."

You ran your fingers through your hair. You kept wondering why you were brought to the compound. Why you were the person who was taken from the group.
You wished you could've been there. You wished you could've helped.
You sighed and twisted your hair around your finger. You felt completely isolated, Dwight was the only person you'd seen in so long. Just then you heard the door unlock. When you turned around you expected to see Dwight carrying a tray of food but Instead you looked to see Negan.
You gasped as you looked at the man. He was in a white shirt and grey jeans.
"Hey doll." He smiled at you. He had a wide grin, flashing you his teeth. He was carrying a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses.
"Mind if I join you?" He asked.
You nodded and watched him shut the door. It slammed loudly. You looked him up and down and he strutted over to the bed. He was obviously extremely comfortable in your room. He sat beside you on your large bed. The two of you sat on the bed with your back to the wall.
"I realized that we should talk a little." He explained
"We drinkin that?" You ask, motioning to the tequila.
"Hell yeah." He answered.
You smiled, grabbing the shot glass from him and holding them so he could pour the alcohol into them. He placed the bottle in between his thighs before you handed him the small glass.
"cheers" Negan snickered.
You both downed the shot, you slightly grimaced at the burning sensation.
"Hot damn!" Negan cried
You laughed slightly at his reaction
"Okay... so why haven't you visited me lately?" You asked as he poured the second shot.
"I'm a busy ass man." He answered, downing another shot
"Wives to fuck, Ricks to chance around, dumbasses to keep in line... I don't have all day to visit your pretty ass."
You took another shot, this one burned slightly less
"Why? Did you miss me?"
You roll your eyes at him.
"It's just boring as fuck."
Negan smiled, almost licking his lips as he did so.
"Thanks for kissing me." He said
"I didn't have any other choice... I needed to see Rick." You answered in a deadpan matter.
"still, it was nice"
You started to feel nervous about what his intentions were with you... did he have more planned tonight than just talking?
You scotched slightly further away from him on the bed, trying not to be too obvious of your hesitation.
"Ah don't worry... I don't have any intentions with you." Negan told you, noticing your change in attitude.
"It's all for Rick, I don't believe in rape and I sure as hell don't think you'd want to fuck me considering what I did to your friends." He added.
"What do you mean it's all for Rick?" You ask
"You know Y/N? I really think that Rick still thinks somehow he can beat me... so I need him to understand who I am."

Bang! The gunshot echoed through your ears. Everything suddenly went slow, Carl fell to the group as Rick went to Carl side Shane pulled his gun at the confused man.
You also ran to Carl, trying to help Rick cover his child's wound as best as he could.
"We need to take him to Hershel."

You ran into the white country home quickly. Rick had gone slightly ahead of you, Shane, and Otis. You reached the porch and saw Rick staggering out of the door. He rubbed his forehead, spreading red blood over it. He looked so much weaker than you'd ever seen him. Dears formed in his eyes. Shane went to his partners side and wiped the blood off of his forehead. It seemed like an almost intimate moment that. You and Otis were crashing. You tried to deliver a weak smile at Rick before walking into the home.
They needed you and Shane to hold down Carl as Rick gave his blood. The agonizing screams from the young child echoed in your ears.
"Your killing him!" Rick yelled at Hershel.
"Just do it!" You shouted at Rick over the screams. You knew that the only chance for the child was to have Ricks blood. Before you could blink the child stoped screaming and fighting against your grasp.
You exited the room to see a tall brunette girl who you assumed was one of Hershel's daughters, and Otis. You sat in a chair next to the brunette.
"I'm maggie." She said
"hey, I'm Y/N" you weakly responded. You ran your fingers through your hair, trying to come to realization of the events that just took place. You felt slightly depersonalized and useless. You really didn't know what to do.

Negans conversation with you left you in shock. You evaluated every word he said, focusing on the fact that he was using you to manipulate Rick.
You wished you could warn Rick about what Negan was doing. You hated your life in the saviors compound. You hated how alone you were, and you hated how Negan was trying to be your friend. What you hated more was how you almost liked Negan. You felt absolute shame in the fact that you had fun when he was around you. It made you disgusted when you thought anything about the man who killed your friends other than hatred. He wrapped you around his finger, and you let him.