Time Is Life

December

The start of December brought wind and sleet to Hogwarts. Drafty though the castle always was in winter. But the castle was never as bad as the dungeons and Theo knows this for sure. He glares at the book on his lap. To say he feels absolute shit would be understating it or perhaps an exaggeration? In any case, he hates the fact that everything just seems to be falling into place for his brother but it's all in shambles for him.

He's tried getting closer to Neville, but all his slow advances have resulted in the shy Gryffindor retreating into himself. What makes matters worse is the fact that Neville knows about his feelings because Harry couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. It pains Theo to know that the person he loves is alive but seemingly hates him. If he's honest he'd rather have Neville not remembering him rather than hating him. But the memory of that time is just as terrible as the memories after the blond's death.

So much has happened, too much and Theo doesn't know how to cope with anything. He's always been terrible at emotions or sympathising with others, it's the reason he feels so drawn to that Gryffindor. He's everything that Theo could hope to be but that he ultimately never will be. Neville's death left him in shambles, he was disoriented and didn't know what to do with himself anymore.

Now Theo is struggling with getting the point across that he loves the insecure and shy blond. He knows Harry means well, but sometimes that idiot could ruin his meticulously thought-out plans. Harry means well and it's also the very reason he does things such as this.

Theo constantly stresses himself out, he always has to plan things out. Conversations, Homework and his emotions, as weird as the last one sounds. Theo hates the unpredictable and the unknown. He hates everything about that type of shit. Perhaps that's the reason he more often than not comes over as rude.

He always hides these thoughts behind an uncaring mask of a cheeky bastard. He tries to pretend there aren't issues, that he isn't obsessed with perfection. But all that pretending often leads him to his ultimate breaking point, Theo doesn't cry often but when he does you know it's serious. Then you know that you should've been more attentive and have picked up on his anxious ticks.

Theo tends to close in on himself and refuse to talk to the people closest. He takes a book and just fidgets around with it but at the same time, he reads fast and quickly moves on to the next. He's read almost all the books from the first four rows at the library, his reading is almost unhealthy. His thirst for knowledge is almost boundless, people think of him as this perfect pureblood and he, therefore, strives to accommodate this image of himself. People have forced him into being the person he is.

"Why are you glaring at that book? What has it done to you?"

Theo jumps slightly, his wide eyes meet Blaise. The dark-skinned Italian looks at him amused. Theo sighs, he forgot over the years just how close he used to be with this particular Slytherin. It's quite embarrassing if you think about it. After the battle of Hogwarts so much changed, Blaise returned to Italy while Theo stayed with Neville in Britain. They had tried keeping their friendship working but then Theo had to go into hiding with Harry and then Neville died. And then....then everything was different, Theo lost himself as he went around. Going from one relationship to the next, trying to find someone like Neville again. It had hurt so much, Harry could relate but not fully heal him, they didn't have enough time. And now that they are both back in the past...well... Theo isn't quite himself, he tries but without Neville, he hardly thinks he will ever return to his normal self.

But Neville seems to be afraid of him, he after all still hasn't found his inner bravery, the very one Neville showed all throughout their seventh year.

"It's nothing." He curtly says.

"Do you think I believe you? You're clearly upset and I want to know why."