Death & Tequila [mxm]

21. Shot of Whiskey

Hello!  It's getting a little steamy in this chapter, but not enough to fog up the mirror. Still, I wanted to give quick warning.

Jaiden hadn't revealed his bond with Carlos to anyone before. Not even Nate understood how much Carlos meant to him.  He also never talked to anyone about shooting Terrance. It was a terrifying subject for him. He knew Terrance's death was necessary at that moment, but he still felt tainted. He still saw the blood on his hands.

"Mi sol... what's going on in that head of yours?" Toni finally asked after holding Jaiden in silence for a while.

"Does it not bother you?" He asked nervously.

"Nothing about you could bother me." Toni crooned.

Jaiden shivered. "I killed someone."

"You protected yourself and anyone else who may have come across him... but I know what you're going through... About five years ago, I had my own do-or-die moment. I pulled the trigger and took a life to save myself and a hostage. It's... difficult to recover from." Toni said quietly, his eyes becoming distant.

He noticed Jaiden's curious stare, so he explained. "I was new to the detective gig and was looking into a homicide.  I located our suspect, except he locked himself in a store with a cashier. He was high on something and proved to be a danger to everyone around him. I gave him my warning to drop his gun, but he aimed it at me, so I shot." His lips pulled into a slight frown. "I was always a good shot, but I veered a little the side and clipped an artery. I watched him bleed out."

"Does it still..." Jaiden stopped himself.

But Toni smiled, knowing what he was asking. "Haunt me?" He released a sigh. "I have always wanted to protect people and stop murderers, but that day I became a killer... I may have come to terms with it now, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten."

Jaiden trembled a little. "I pitied him at first—Terrance, the one who I shot. He and the other three foster children were abused by their foster parents... When they were young, their foster parents locked them in the church and it caught on fire, killing one of them and injuring Terrance and two others, an older boy and younger girl. I read about the injuries they sustained and it was terrible. Terrance had burns covering his back. The girl was protected by the other two and only had burns on her legs. But the older boy had burns covering 20% of his body... they were just kids."

Jaiden sighed with unease. "Parents—biological, adoptive, or foster—should protect their children, not make them suffer... and then twenty years after the church burned, Terrance murdered four people; the foster parents involved with the abuse and church. My first thought was, 'they have every right to be angry'... I even believed that the foster parents' death was fitting. But when Terrance killed Carlos, those thoughts vanished, and I was filled with rage. I was not acting like the cop Carlos raised me to be, and I have doubted myself since.