They were young, and she loved him more than anything. She wrote a love letter to him, a poetry, but nothing went like she wanted.
Nowadays, after ten years she still tries to forget.
But she can't.
Summer tour is starting, and her brother is tryin...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Eevi
My head feels heavy, like my mind. I saw a nightmare, like every night after the.. you know. I don't even want to think about it. And when I do, I'm in this shape. I was awake, but I didn't open my eyes. I hoped that somehow I would fall asleep again. I would sleep until this hangover has left. And when I'm sober again, I don't know what to do then. Everything feels unreal. I feel like I'm in that black hole again, like when I was younger. But this time, it feels so deep and dark that I can't get up from there. There is no escape. There is no hope. This has continued two weeks, and every day when I wake up, I wish I wouldn't be awake. I want to think that all of this is just a bad dream and soon I will wake up, happy. Somehow I'm scared that none of this is true, that all of this is a dream. Or this is a test. Someone is sitting in a dark room with multiply screens, following what I'm doing with my life. And everyone around me are fake. They are not here. Or they are, but they aren't. I don't know what is going on in my mind. Maybe I'm scared that this feeling is never ending. Endless sadness, depression. I want to get better, I really do. But I think there is a voice in my head that tells me that I deserve all the shit in my life, and this isn't getting better.
And this just keeps going, nothing changes. Or something will change, the people around me. Soon they find out that I'm not going to get better, and they are going to leave me. All of them. I'm scared of it. Being alone. Dying alone. The same voice.. it tells me that I enjoy this. I enjoy being in that black hole. Forever. Happiness and living life like normal people do.. it doesn't sound normal.
"And this feels safer then? Drinking until you fall asleep, cry your eyes out every day?" I flinched awake, and sat up. What the hell? Was I sleeping? I was little bit out of breath, someone really said that to me. Was it dream? I hope so. I looked to my left, there is no one. Then I looked out of the window, it was a sunny day. I decided to stood up, I felt a sharp feeling in my head, and I felt dizzy. So I closed my eyes for a second, and waited until I could open them again. I thought it would be a good idea to look myself from the mirror. And if I'm honest, I frowned and thought that the reflection can't be mine. I had dark circles under my eyes, I looked like a ghost. I don't remember when was the last time I have washed my hair, it looked dirty and pretty wild. I had one of Olli's shirts on, it made me feel much more safer. But where he is? Usually it's me who wakes up first, and for the last days I barely have slept at all.
Maybe I started to panic. With fast steps I walked out of the bedroom and went straight to the kitchen. There he was, eating breakfast with.. Tommi? They both stopped eating and talking when they saw me. Olli stood up and carefully walked up to me. "How are you feeling?" He asked and studied my face. I was feeling anxiety again, I didn't have the strength to speak. I wasn't able to. "Come." Olli gently placed his hand to my back and leaded me to the dinner table, I took a seat next to him. Tommi was sitting across from me. I kept eye contact with Tommi, his eyes were just as friendly as always. I think this was some kind of deja vu moment. Neither of us didn't move, only staring each other. Olli was pouring some juice for me and he placed couple painkillers in front of me. Then he sat, and probably looked at us weirdly. But he didn't say anything about it. "Take those." He only said. I heard him, but I didn't do anything.
