I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

27. - I'm Standing Here Until You Make Me Move

“Oh come on, Kay. It won’t be that bad,” Brian assured me.

“That’s not the point,” I told him. “I don’t like it when celebrities visit sick children, take pictures with them to show the world they did something good for someone when they don’t give a shit. I hate this stuff, I always thought these pictures were placed,” I explained and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Well then change your opinion. Make it something you want to do, be yourself, be kind to these kids and make their day. Ignore if there are cameras and everything will be alright. And remember we’re searching for a new label, we need the good press,” Brian said and looked right into my eyes.

“Alright,” I said and shrugged my shoulders.  He was right, I knew this. But something was holding me back. We were still in England, but this time it was only the band. McKenna and her father had gone their own way. Our little talk had taken place in a van on our way to a children hospital. As I had said I never liked these kind of things, but something other than that was holding me back and I didn’t knew what it was.

After that it didn’t take long to arrive and we met the camera man and the guys who would take an interview after our visit.

“We’re here,” pulled me Johnny’s voice out of my thoughts. I took a deep breath – I had ignored everything the nurse had told us just to stare at the white wall – and followed the guys into a room. There were two beds in which two boys lay. The first one was really young and a man sat next to him holding his hand. There was a noisy beeping and it soon clicked, that this came from the machines which were connected with the kid. I didn’t know this pale boy, but it broke my heart to see such a young kid in this state.

I don’t know why but the guys all walked to the second kid, I took some steps forward so I stood next to the boy who caught my eye.

“Hey,” I smiled at him. His eyes lit up and he cracked a smile. “I’m Kim,” I said.

“His name is Jonathan,” the man said and extended his hand. “I’m John.” I shook his hand and he explained that talking was kind of difficult for his son. “You know how to write, right?” I asked the boy and he nodded. So I left the room and asked a nurse for paper and a pen. She gave it to me and when I came back the father smiled at me. I took a seat next to the bed and ‘talked’ to the little boy for a while. But there were other kids who waited for us and it broke my heart letting the kid back here.

Jonathan wrote something on the paper and handed it to me. “Are you gonna come back?”

“Before I leave, I’m going to come back,” I promised and smiled at him before leaving the room. You’re not going to cry, I told myself. We visited other children and I felt bad because my thoughts were somewhere else.

It felt like hours when in reality we weren’t there that much longer. I had come back to Jonathan as I had promised and we figured out a way to stay in contact.  I was silent on the way back to our hotel as I had been when the interviewer had fired question after question. There was something on my mind and so I declined when the guys asked me if I wanted to come with them walking through town.

I was sitting on my bed, my phone in my hand and wasn’t so sure if I should really call someone and tell them what was on my mind. I was so lost in my thoughts that I shrieked when my phone vibrated. It showed me that Val was calling and I pressed the answer button.

“Honey?” I heard her low voice and knew immediately that she was crying.

“What happened?” I asked her myself.

“I just… am kind of emotional these days and I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. And not just that you’re miles away, but that we haven’t really talked while you were here. You… you became like a little sister for Matt and I,” she began sobbing so much I couldn’t understand her anymore. It took her a while until she could talk again. “I was so worried about you and then you didn’t talk to me and I wondered if… I ….”