Gushing You From Afar (EDITING)

Kabanata 3

I’m watching a Chinese drama right now and it’s about e-sports. Na curious nga ako e. Hindi ako magaling sa mga online games pero parang gusto ‘kong i-try dahil sa pinapanood ‘ko.

Ay huwag na, bano naman ako.

I enjoy watching dramas. Korean, Chinese, there was also this time when I became a fan of a specific Thailand drama and sometimes, I also watch Filipino dramas or teleseryes.

Mas paborito ‘ko ang manood kesa magbasa. Pinaka paborito ‘kong manood ay kapag tulog na ang lahat at ang tanging bukas na ilaw ay ang screen na pinapanooran ‘ko.

Sobrang peaceful.

And now that I’m watching, whenever I see these characters portraying as a couple, I wonder, how does it really feel in reality?

Having that someone that wants to be sweet, gentle and care for you.

Mapapatanong ka na lang ng when kaya?

When will I have that someone that I always imagine?

Pero dati din kasi, no’ng mga mga nasa ‘minor moments’ palang ako, may mga nagsubok na manligaw sa akin. Tapos ako naman ‘tong si gaga, na excite kasi siyempre, bago sa akin ‘yung feeling. Tapos magsisimula na rin akong mag imagine kasama no’ng guy na nanliligaw sa akin, tipong feeling ‘ko mangyayari sa amin ‘yung mga nangyari sa mga palabas na napanood ‘ko.

Na mula highschool hanggang maka graduate ay sila na talaga.

Shuta lang.

And when I thought that I’m finally ready to have my first boyfriend, that’s also the time I’ll realize, I’m not. I’m not yet ready to commit myself to others thinking all of the circumstances. Narrowing all the things that I might neglect or sacrifice once I decided to divide my time for that.

At ngayong nag i-imagine ulit ako dahil nanonood ako at… dahil na rin sa pagkita ‘ko kay Theo…

Ready na kaya ako?

Ewan.

Malalaman siguro natin kapag nandiyan na kaya tiyaka narin natin ‘yan problemahin.

Isa-isa lang no.

Everything is temporary. Isa ‘yan sa mga natutunan ‘ko sa panonood.

There will be changes in our lives whether we like it or not. Whether we’re comfortable to it or not.

And that includes losing people. Friends.

Feelings.

Iyang taong close mo ngayon, you’re not sure if you will still be able to talk with that person five years from now.

Naalala ko ‘yung mga classmates ‘ko no’ng elementary. Nag iyakan pa kami pero hindi rin naman pala kami magpapansinan ngayon. Lol, hahahaha!

May darating, may aalis, may papalit. Minsan wala.

At minsan hindi natin gusto, madalas kailangan.

Nothing is permanent. Change is the only thing that is constant.

And the hardest part is that… when we are already used having that something or someone.

Nagising ulit ako nang maaga kinabukasan. And I did my morning routines just like the usual. Made my bed, set aside my curtains and looked at the window, enjoy sunlight, went to the washroom and did my stuffs, looked at the mirror with my body and hair being covered with a towel and did some affirmations to cheer up myself.

And lastly, my favorite part, skincare.

May na-discover akong bagong hobby. Mas nakaka chill pala kapag nag s-skincare ka ng may chill song or worship song.