PAP27
Kahit ako sa sarili ko, inaamin ko na kontra ang mga desisyong ginagawa ko. I enter relationships because I always feel like I'm lacking something. It makes me feel so lonely. Parang palaging may kulang na kailangan kong punan. But at the same time, I cannot give as much affection needed. Ayoko kasing magmahal. Loving someone scares me so much.
Pakiramdam ko ay talo ako kapag nagmahal ako. I lost everyone I loved before. It was excruciating. The pain I had felt like dying more than what death is. Now, I loved once again... and the fact that I may lose him too someday terrifies me.
That's why I decided that if that day would come tomorrow, I'm going to pour all my love into him today. As long as I could love him on all the days I can...
"Free..." he called me softly. Marahan ang pagkakahawak niya sa aking mga braso. Gusto niya pa ring humarap ako sa kanya at tumigil sa pagkakasubsob sa dibdib niya. Sumuko na ako at nagpadala na lang sa kanyang paggiya.
Nag-init ang mga pisngi ko noong matagpuan ko ang kanyang mga mata. My heart somersaulted. I look away immediately. Nasaan na ang tapang mo ngayon, Free? Tama! Ano namang nakakahiya sa pagmamahal?! Hindi dapat 'yon kinakahiya!
I cleared my throat and put my eyes back to him. Seryoso ang tingin niya saakin. Akala ko nga ay makakakita ako ng saya sa kanyang mukha o kahit anong ekspresyon kung maiinis man siya o madidisappoint! Pero wala! However, his serious expression makes me nervous. This kind of face is often linked on being dismayed.
"Can you say it again? While looking at me, Free..."
Argh! Bahala na! Papanindigan ko na 'to!
"Ano bang magbabago kung titingin ako sa'yo? Narinig mo na naman 'di ba?" I smugly complained. Umayos ako ng tayo sa harap niya at lumunok. I looked for his eyes and settled. Nagreklamo ako pero sinunod ko rin naman siya.
"I love you, Cell. Mahal kita," I straightforwardly said. "Every action I did these past few weeks was just me being scared that you're not going to stay in my life. I want to keep you. I want you mine and just by thinking th－"
"But I'm yours..." He cut me off.
My eyes widen and my lips left parted. Hindi agad ako nakabawi mula doon. Umiwas ako ng tingin at otomatikong tumaas ang gilid ng labi ko. Nagpeke ako ng ubo at tumingin muli sa kanya.
Mayabang akong tumingin sa kanya kahit lahat ata sa loob ko ay nagwawala na. Eto na ba ang sinasabing calm outside but storm inside?
"Tama 'yan. Akin ka. Buti alam mo."
He chuckled and secured my waist so he could pull me close again to him. "I do. So don't doubt about it."
"Priya Azalea..." tawag niya sa buong pangalan ko. When did I like being called by my whole name? Hindi pa yata. But it's him, so maybe I'll just give him a free pass.
Our forehead met. Does he even remember that we're in public? Maaring wala ngang tao ngayon pero hindi pa rin malabong may dadating.
But it's not like I care, too...
"Hmm..."
Mas lalong bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko at naging mabigat ang paghinga ko. I anticipated on what he will say next. Kahit hindi ko pa alam 'yon ay parang nae-excite na ako. My instinct is kicking in.
"I will prove to you that trusting me with your love won't fail you..."
Maliit akong ngumiti. I have already decided, Cell. This may or may not succeed for a long time but I'm gonna love you as much as I can.
