PAP25
Willa. A girl. In his condo. Listed in his private contacts, knows his private number. They agreed to meet there. But Cell was with me. What the hell? It was messing with my head so much that I don't know what I am supposed to think.
Am I going to break it to him? Naturally, I would. Ganoon naman ako palagi sa kahit sino mang dumaan tao saakin. Isang usap lang, tapos. But... but to Cell, I just can't. I cannot even open my mouth to say something because I'm afraid some words I didn't think about would slip out.
Binabalot ako ng takot. Pwedeng mali ang lahat ng tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon at pwede ring tama. Pero paano kung totoo? Paano...
"Hindi mo ki-nonfront?!" sabi ni Mori na halos sigawan na ako sa mukha ko. Napangiwi ako.
"Natatakot ako."
"Eh anong balak mo? Okay lang sa'yo?" tanong niya na habang halos magtagpo na ang dalawa niyang kilay. "Ikaw pa 'yung pinupuntahan, gaga ka! Ikaw ata ang kabit!" pagalit niyang bulong.
"Mori!" I groaned her name. My god, she's making my head ache more!
Siya kasi ang napili kong pagsabihan. Hindi ko kasi masabi kay Zeven. For some reason, I feel ashamed to tell it to him. Isa pa, baka magalit lang 'yon... syempre.
"Ano? Nagco-connect the dots lang ako dito mula sa sinasabi mo!"
That day, I couldn't go back on my usual mood. Madalas akong disoriented at huli lagi ang sagot ko sa mga nagiging tanong ni Cell. Ni hindi ko nga siya masabayan noon. He left early that day, too, and I don't know what to say because I know where he was going and who he's meeting...
"But he was good and caring... mature and... and..."
"And he's fooling you!" dagdag niya. "The problem with too-good-to-be-true guys..." she sang it like a song she composed in her head, bringing up her own issue.
"Don't bring your issue in the table. We don't want more problems," sabi ko at inilagay ang baba ko sa lamesa habang nakanguso.
"Oooh," she said with circled lips. "Pero in fairness, hindi ka mukhang zombie. Kung hindi mo sinabi, hindi ko mahahalata! Nagbe-breakdown ka ba talaga?"
Kumunot ang noo ko noong marinig ko iyon. I snorted. "Bakit ako magbe-breakdown? Required ba?"
"You didn't? Weh? Tao ka ba? Everyone will bawl their eyes out, thinking how broken they are! Kung paano sila napagtaksilan at gaano sila katanga na nagpauto sa hindi dapat!"
"Let's just say that I have more emotional pain tolerance..." mahina kong sabi habang nakatingin lagpas kay Mori. "I guess..." mas mahina kong dagdag.
"Wow, experienced?"
I smiled.
Pain tolerance, my ass. The thing is, I know there's something wrong with the way my emotion works. I cannot immediately recognize what should be painful. I cannot react to it just like normal people does. I already forgot how to cry...
May kirot akong nararamdaman. Nandito 'yung sakit at pagduda. Pero bago 'yon, mas pinapangunahan ako ng takot. This is what I have always feared whenever I came to value someone. The expectations, responsibilities... the emptiness of even just by thinking that they'll be gone, too.
Kaya hindi ko alam hanggang ngayon, dahil pagkatapos pa ng mahahabang bagay na tumatakbo sa isip ko ay ang tanong na 'ano ang gagawin ko?'.
"Kailan mo huling nakausap?"
"Ngayon lang."
"Seryoso?"
"Hindi niya naman kasi alam 'tong mga iniisip ko. He still thinks everything is fine with us."
