Dawn (A Twilight Fanfiction) {Editing}

Unbeating Heart

Curled up into a ball, you realise how small the world really is. Or, it could be like a vast expanse, a new, long journey that makes you who you are. Without the world, life is nothing. You hear of people travelling the world all the time. To see the sights, the beauties, to live a little. One day, I want to travel the world too. If I will have a companion, I don't know. All I know, is that I want to be an explorer, see all there is to see, and most inportantly; find myself. What good is it to be in this world, if you cannot be who you were born to be? Once, I heard Bella talk about how she was born to be a vampire...for me, I'm not so sure. But I know that I have to be strong, and get through this. If not for me, for the people I care about. Like I said, maybe I was born to live forever, and see everything life has to offer, and vampirism was the only way down that path. Either way, I have to live; I have to keep my existance, and a break-up cannot jepordize that. Yes, even though I'm young, and our relationship was short, I was in love with Demetri. I cannot change that. And yes, some piece of my heart, some large piece, is in love with Josh. However, in order to keep him safe, and let him live a normal, happy life, I have to let him go. Break our bonds, sever our embrace, and forget. I know it will crush me, and I will dwell and grieve for as long as my heart needs. But it's needed. And I have to do this. I can't let him die. And by letting him become like me, is just another form of death. When this happened to me, and I saw through a crimson lense, I felt in some ways like I had died, and love was the only thing that brought me back to life, even if it was only for a little while. Now, I had the love of a family, and that is enough to keep me going.

Something clicked in my mind when I thought too much, I should have been writing all of this in my journal. But...my mind felt like a safer place to hide away all my emotion-filled thoughts. And to be honest, I didn't trust the people in this house enough to not look in my little book to keep me sane. I mean, it's not like if I don't write in it, I will start talking to myself. But, when I think about it, I'm kinda talking to myself now...strange. I need to speak in my mind before I speak out-loud, because I could end up saying something that will end up with my decapitation. Which, would be really bad for me.

I released my arms from around my knees, and stretched my legs out on the white leather sofa which resided by the window. I now claimed this sofa as my thinking place. Where all my thoughts will be safe. Taking a shower didn't have the same appeal as it used to, but, it was still needed, as was some pampering. Painted fingernails and toes, curled hair, and organizing my new wardrobe to suit me. It seemed like something every normal girl does, so, it's appealing.

Okay...it's not. At all. But, yesterday, Alice told me that making yourself look nice, is a key to making yourself feel good. How in the world that was true, I don't know, but if I don't follow someone's advice, it might make me seem ungreatful. And I didn't want that.

I was in my closet, trying to reach for a too high shoebox, when Rosalie appeared behind me.

"Need some help with that?" She smiled, and it was genuine.

"Please." I moved out of the way, and she leaped gracefully a few feet into the air, grabbed the shoebox, and landed flat on her feet. I stared at her, mouth agape. She laughed, a beautiful, melodic sound, and reached over to shut my mouth.

"It's all about balance. And practise." She handed me the box. "You'll get used to it."

Grinning, I replied, "I doubt it. Have you seen me hunt?"

"There not been one time when you haven't returned with blood on your clothes." At the word 'blood', I grimaced and looked down. Rosalie gently clasped my chin, and raised my face so my eyes met hers. "At least it's not human's."

"Yeah. I guess that's a plus..." I sighed.

"Don't let it get you down." I put away the box, and sat on the couch, Rosalie following. "Anyway, what's the occasion?"