Insanity | A Marcus Butler Fan Fiction

Chapter 6

I shut the door and my mind was as foggy as London at dawn.  

I feel as though I need some sort of therapy. As if I'm the one that needs help. As if I'm the one who is going crazy. As if I'm the one who will end up locked up in a room with a straight-jacket on. 

Now Marcus definitely wouldn't be locked up, nor would I, but I do have a strange feeling towards him.  

Is it lust? The desire to love and be loved? I was never one to flirt with boys and sleep around, so maybe I enjoy the fact that I have this automatic attention drawn towards me by a guy who is pretty damn attractive. That could be it. That's definitely it. Exactly. I now understand this. Since my sister was always the star and I always lived in her shadow, I had this secret love for attention. Now that there's no one I know here and it's a fresh start, I can be someone different. I can have more of the spotlight. That's totally what was running through my mind this whole time. I don't love Marcus and he doesn't love me. All of this is fake. It's not real. It's the heat of the moment. The excitement, that's all it is. That's the only thing.  

I fell asleep that night knowing that I was lying to myself. I never had desired the spotlight- I loved being behind the scenes. Just being normal. And this thing I'm feeling is normal. And I can get over it. Because that's what psychiatrists do. They help you get over things. But I have never heard of a psychiatrist being their own psychiatrist. They shouldn't have to anyway, I mean come on. They're supposed to be level headed! Keep themselves and their patients grounded! Why is this so difficult? 

Ugh. Typical. 

~~~ 

I woke up, the next day being a Saturday. I check my clock to see that it is 9:30 and I feel well-rested and comfy in my thick white bed with the many blankets and pillows molded to my body. 

I rise out of bed and shower for a long while, the warmth of the water washing away my frustrations. 

I am ready to do anything, dressed in my dark wash jeans, sheer green-blue button down top tucked into them, and my old-school dark brown combat boots completing the look. Though I had no plans, I still can be excited to walk around while looking nice.

I stroll to a coffee shop down the street and the line was massive. Who waits this long for coffee? Normally I wouldn't, but because of the fact that I have no plans, I can wait.

I might seem creepy to many people, but this is what I do when there's nothing else to do; I people-watch. Hold on, don't judge. Think about it. Looking at people's body language. Their dialouges, facial expressions, everything right down to what color socks they are wearing. Okay, that last part was weird, even for me, but it gets my point across. These are the things that help psychiatrists to better understand people. Body language is key to this whole thing. So this is what I do. I know I look weird staring at people especially when I'm alone waiting in line for a coffee, but I don't care. 

"That guy sure is an attention-grabber," said a husky voice to the right of my shoulder, mocking me for my obvious people-watching.

I turned to see Marcus with a cheeky side grin looking down at me, his gaze making me melt with every second.

I'm such a mess right now, and I know the best way to get over these feelings is to just not talk to Marcus, but I can't help it. Those big, beautiful eyes and his perfect white smile are stunning, and for his attention to be directed towards me and only me is so flattering.

"He is an attention-grabber," I responded, smiling.

"You know I was being sarcastic, right?"

"Yeah, I know. But the best way to respond to sarcasm is with a serious statement. Because then it defeats the sarcastic person's purpose, which was to be sarcastic."

"Wow, that makes absolutely no sense at all."

"It makes sense to me. Then again, my mind is cluttered with so many things right now that things that make sense to me might not actually make sense to others."

"You might have that one right, doctor."

"I think I do. Go doctor Alison, woo hoo," I said with a very monotone voice, which successfully made Marcus laugh.

I finally bought my coffee at the counter, which Marcus offered to buy for me, but I declined. Why is he trying so hard to be nice to me?

I expected for that to be the end of our conversation, maybe a subtle good-bye and for us to go back on our daily tasks, but that was the complete opposite. 

"Hey, so have you seen Buckingham Palace yet?" Marcus asked.

"No, not yet."

He looked at me with a strange expression. "Oh, but you've seen Big Ben, right?"

"Not quite."

"Not quite?"

"Okay, not at all."

"Wait, so you're telling me that you have stayed in London for about two weeks now and you haven't done anything related to tourism?"

"That would be right."

He looked flabergasted. "That's it, I'm your tour guide for the day."

"No, Marcus, that's very sweet, but I'm sure that you have better things to do with your life than to show some American tourist around London."

"Honestly, I don't. I'm really not that exciting of a guy."

"That's something we need to work on, then."

"Making me more exciting?"

"No, your self-esteem. Clearly it could be boosted a little higher and that will help you deal with your stress in a better fashion."

Once again, he threw his head back and did his adorable laugh. Ugh. Perfection. "Oh, yeah, that's the first thing that came to my mind as well," he chuckled out.

We spent the entire day traveling by foot, walking to Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, some historical buildings, and we went through some thrift shops for fun.

It was a splendid day and I wouldn't change it for the world. Marcus and I parted ways, him to the train station and me to my hotel. 

~~~

That night, I honestly felt like the biggest stalker in the world. I looked up Marcus on YouTube and watched majority of his videos. He is so funny and handsome, along with being a great video editor as well.

Then I noticed a new video had been uploaded just minutes ago by Marcus and I clicked on it. The title was, "Unhealthy Relationships".

He discussed some relationships that were unhealthy, such as with food or fictional characters or celebrities, but he also discussed something that I could relate to. The last unhealthy relationship? That was being in love with someone who you shouldn't be into.

 He said how he could relate to this one himself and how he was into the most beautiful girl in the world, but he couldn't date her. He never specified whether or not it was because of her being in a relationship with another boy, but I knew who this girl was. And this girl had the most unhealthy feelings for him as well; and there was nothing either of them could do about it.