Beauty and the Boy from the East

Chapter 40 ~ (Birthday special) Reality of memories

(A/N: I listened to this the whole time while writing this so it's a bit emotional, it's a song I'm obsessed with, Lomaticc is the realest, he has got amazing talent and I want to marry his voice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnQhG_wBx8Q

This chapter is dedicated to AZ, a close friend of mine, thankyou for always listening to me, you're the realest, love you lot. Happy belated bday :) This is based on a true story but obviously not 100% factual. It also follows on slightly from the previous chapter.)

*Aishwarya's POV*

I blinked rapidly when I saw him for the first time. He looked different in photos, but the same on skype. His hair was dark and he was very tall. He smiled when he saw me and I felt my palms become sweaty, not sure if he would keep his word.

"Do you remember you said when we'd meet you'd explain?"

"Yeah." He replied, his eyes searching mine for the bond we had created online, not in person.

*Abdul's POV*

She stared at me expectantly. I opened my mouth, but closed it almost simultaneously.

"Have you forgotten?" Aishwarya asked perplexingly.

I've learnt from and made me who I am today."

"So tell me it." Her eyes met with mine, burning with curiosity.

***

"It was in Year 12. There was this girl, who shared one class with me and I never noticed her before- or perhaps I never remembered- but she was once paired up with me. It was one of the most important meetings I'd ever have, although I didn't realise that until later. I'm not sure exactly how, but she began talking about personal stuff. Problems she was facing, she was always alone during lunch and had never confessed or even indicated she had more to her than a grumpy, spoilt teenager. She was like no-one I had met previously, someone who intrigued me, someone who was a secret to everyone else, except me. I'd never been entrusted like that before. It happened suddenly- and I allowed it. I allowed myself to become exposed, weak, vulnerable." My voice became hoarse as I drew a breath, refusing to be drawn to Aishwarya's searching eyes.

"And then?" she whispered, in a tone that was a stranger to me.

"We were happy for a while. But it was dangerous being in the relationship we were in, her family was very strict and would never forgive me if they caught us. With every pleasurable moment, there was always an impending sense of fear, of uncertainty.

Back then, I took the risk, I took the chance." I glanced up at the girl standing across me.

"It's a risk I'd never take again to be honest. There are reasons why I'm like this, you know, so heartless, reasons I can't tell. Sometimes for reasons I'm not always certain about myself."

"Because of this one past experience?"

"It wasn't just that." I paused, pondering whether I could tell her the rest of the story- the part I usually left out.

"Okay listen, she actually betrayed me. Perhaps not on purpose, but you have no idea how if felt to watch the girl you loved be taken from you and enter an engagement with someone else. She wouldn't even let me fight for her hand. It was the first and last time I had ever cried for a girl. I didn't just lose a lover, I lost my only true friend and some part of my heart vanished as well. All those memories, days, months, and effort just kept constantly eating me. She still wanted me, but if there is one thing about me that is considered good it is I have a high regard for maintaining my values. I could not, in good conscience, continue pursuing my ex- girlfriend when she was being promised to another man. All this time, you've got to remember I was still very much in love with her. So I did the only thing that was moral: I cut her off so she could be with her fiance. She relented for a day, but then I found myself constantly receiving threats from her and her sister. I've never told anyone the specifics of those threats, but let's just say if she had been true to her word, I would not be here today." I felt a bitter bark of laughter escape my lungs.

Aishwarya grabbed my hand and tightened her fingers, so they enclosed as much of mind as possible. She released her grip with the same speed she had initiate the action.

"You don't have to tell me the rest; if you don't want to."

"No, it's quite all right. So she got married and ever since then I struggle to trust anyone I may end up with will actually stay, and not betray me."

*Aishwarya's POV*

"So is that what you remember?" I asked hesitantly.

"What do you mean? I'm not lying. I'm being real with you." His voice became deeper, offended.

"No, no," I quickly began backtracking, foreshadowing his eventual anger at my words. "I meant, like, your memories are what you choose to remember from your past. We tend to block out negative traumatic parts in our life..yet you kept it, and I'm just wondering why."

Abdul frowned. "I don't consider it necessarily a bad thing thing. It was not ideal that it happened. But it was worth it. Ironically, I am grateful in a sense because now I can let go of people easily. I don't get attached. I'm independent."

"So basically that one memory has completely impacted on how you view relationships now?"

"No." Abdul smiled genuinely. "There are numerous memories, but that was the one I remember most clearly. It's the one that has influenced me the greatest and moulded me into the self- reliant individual I am today."

"Interesting, the memories you choose to remember. The memories you decide will affect your future and present decisions." Now it was me who was bitter.

"Look, you don't understand how emotionally invested I was. I wanted to marry her. I wanted her to be the mother of my children. I had so many plans." His voices matched my tone.

"But you said you knew it would be hard. You cannot expect to paint a rose- tinted view of events, expect they are reality and not a result of being overly optimistic to the point of being ridiculous. You cannot just hold back due to that. It takes true strength to allow yourself to become vulnerable and know people possess the potential to hurt you. It takes wisdom to pick the people in your life who are worth fighting for. To never allow yourself to even have the chance of getting hurt, of creating a defence mechanism that prevents new opportunities is the actual weakness. I'm sorry if this is blunt, it's just what I think."

Abdul didn't say anything for a few minutes. Fearing I had offended him beyond his redemption, I turned around disappointed.

"Wait." He grabbed my hand with the same intensity as I had before.

"Perhaps you are right. I guess I'm just extremely careful. But i have let myself become more open to someone. You. And I think that everyone's past experiences  inevitably do influence us in similar future settings, but while I may hold back to some degree, I still am fairly open to you. THis conversation we had will surely be a memory I'll choose to remember."

My lips flickered upwards. " I hope it's a memory in that case, that guides, but does not restrict future decisions Abdul."

(A/N : Please comment/like/share/subscribe if you liked it, any constructive criticism is welcome. I spent until 2am writing this on paper & transferring it online last night haha. If this didn't make complete sense, I suggest you start reading the story from the beginning because there is a correlation between this chap and earlier ones :pI hope it left you with something to think about. Have a wonderful day everyone, much love xx)