Alone Without You

3

TW's:
-Panic attack
-Mentions rape
-Self hate/disgust
-Mentions miscarriage (due to rape)

The whole day I did nothing anymore, until my parents came upstairs. I immediately acted like I was asleep and hid my face in my pillow. My door opened and my dad walked in, not caring that I seemed asleep at all. He tapped my back just as long as I took me to turn around and look at him.

'What?' I muttered.

'I don't know, someone dropped off a letter for you.'

'Oh, thanks,' I whispered, grabbing the letter.

My dad walked away again and I opened the letter slowly, but I was completely shocked within seconds.

For George,

Do you know me still, George? I'm Zoey, you know that girl who managed to force you. It's still so funny to me, your scared face was amazing.

For a moment we thought you were a father, but no. I got a miscarriage. I was pregnant for four months because of you, but the baby has never been born.

It's been a while and I know I moved after what happened, but you see. I came back and you know what's funny. I know exactly where you live. I can easily come over and do it again. What about I'll come over as soon as your parents leave?

Bye, Georgie.

I tried staying calm and I forced myself to breathe slowly, but I couldn't. My chest tightened and I felt like I was dying. I started breathing faster and faster, feeling nauseous and dizzy at the same time. I hid the letter in my drawer and I saw my hands shaking more than they had ever done.

I couldn't ask anyone for help, Dream was in America, my parents didn't believe me. I could ask Wilbur, but still. As if he would come over and stay here with me. My parents didn't even believe me, then why would Wilbur believe me. We weren't that amazing friends, no one would ever believe me.

My chest kept tightening and I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt like I could die any second from now and I managed to grab my phone, opening it after mistyping the code five times. One person was always there for everyone when we needed him.

I went to BadBoyHalo's chat and typed a short message.

George
plscald me

BadBoyHalo
what

George
cllme

BadBoyHalo
call you?

George
pls

BadBoyHalo immediately started calling me and I accepted the call, not speaking. He could obviously hear me hyperventilating so I didn't have to talk.

'Oh, George. You're having a panic attack. Listen to me, okay? Firstly try and copy my breathing rhythm. Are you ready? Listen to me.'

He started breathing loudly and calmly, making me copy it a little.

'Okay, can you look around you? Can you try and tell me five things you see?'

'P-p-phone, w-wall.' I took a deep breath and continued. 'PC, b-b-bed and c-chair.'

'Good job! Can you tell me four things you can feel?'

'P-phone, s-s-sheets, p-pillow and t-tears.'

'I'm proud of you, can you tell me three things you can hear now?'

'Your voice, m-my voice and b-birds.'

'Okay, do the birds seem happy?'

'Y-yes.'

'I bet they are happy to fly around. What two things do you smell?'

'I smell d-dinner and my d-deodorant.'

'I bet it smells nice, do you know what's for dinner?'

'I think pasta.'

'That's really tasty! You should get some cheese with it.'

'I will.'

'Now, George. Can you tell me one thing that makes you happy?'

'D-Dream does,' I whispered.

'Aww, I'm glad he makes you happy. Shall I add him to the call so we can chat for a little?'

'Okay.'

'But first, George. Do you want to talk about what happened?'

'No, I would rather not,' I whispered.

'Okay, then I'll add Dream.'

Bad added Dream to the call and he joined immediately. 'Hi!'

'Hey,' I whispered.

'Are you alright, George?'

'You tell him,' I said to Bad.

'He had a panic attack and I helped calm him down.'

'Aww, Georgie. I'm sorry, are you alright?'

'I guess.'

'George, what about us playing some Minecraft together? No recording or streaming, just play for a bit. We can try and beat the game together?'

'Okay.'

I stood up and walked to my PC slowly, I was absolutely exhausted after my panic attack and I had never been more scared in my whole life than I was now. I knew she would do it, she was crazy. I sighed deeply and started my Minecraft, waiting for Dream to join. He was just talking about whatever with Bad and I was just listening.

I followed Dream's lead in the game and after fifty minutes we managed to beat the game. I was pretty slow, but we still managed to beat the game.

'Did you have fun?' Dream asked me.

'Yeah, I'm really tired now. I think I'm going to bed.'

'That's fine, when do you want to record?'

'I don't know, I'm sorry. I'm really not in the mood. Maybe if you really want to record quick you can get someone as a replacement for me.'

'No, then it wouldn't be like always. The viewers love you in my videos.'

'I'm really not going to be in the mood for a few weeks, I'm sorry.'

'Oh, but I did promise my viewers an upload this week.'

'Do you not have other videos left?'

'I don't.'

'Just record with Sap.'

'I always record with you.'

'I CAN'T,' I yelled. 'Please stop, I just can't tell you what's going on, but I can't record at the moment, okay? Please, just believe me and trust me. Someday I will come back.'

'But I have to get some videos out.'

'Do it alone,' I said, I paused between every word to keep myself calm.

'Okay, I'm sorry. I guess I'll be making another unsolved mystery then.'

'Yeah, you could.'

'When will you record with us again?'

'I don't know, just not for now. Please, believe me. I have a reason.'

'I believe you, maybe go to sleep for a little or something.'

'I will, see you.'

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