To The Moon and Back | Remus Lupin's Daughter

5.Morning - Remus

Waking in the morning after a full moon was never usual pleasant. in the typical aftermath of the full moon I'd have numerous self inflicted injuries as moony tore himself apart due to the lack of any other wolves in the area to interact with or fight. During school i had my friends to help ease the  pain, leading to less injuries, but that was all lost over eleven years ago now. Eleven years of dealing with pain alone. I'd forgotten what it felt like to not be exhausted and riddled with agonising injuries in the morning following a full moon. 

Having company always helped but this was different, for me, for moony having our pup with us, to have someone to look after other than myself made the experience completely different. the full moon was almost peaceful this time, I didn't feel tired and dead. I felt normal? As though nothing had happened. 

Looking down i notice a small child cuddling into my chest, a blanket haphazardly draped over us. With a wave of my hand i summon my wand to me to repair our torn garments on the floor from where the transformation had happened some hours before. being as quite as I possibly could not to wake the sleeping child, i picked up one of my tee shirts and gentle pulled it over here head so that she could have some extra warmth. as i dress her i noticed some bruises on her small frame around her abdomen and ribs, some old while others were fresh. it was clear to me that these were not inflicted by her transformation on the full moon. these were caused by her, Dresella clearly took her frustrations at me out on Astra. 

I couldn't help but feel the anger boil inside me. That women did not deserve to be called a mother. Not only did she hurt our child, keeping her existence hidden from me for several years, she abandoned her in an unfamiliar town, didn't even bother to face me herself. If I ever see that woman again I doubt I'll be able to hold back my anger and frustration at the witch. I couldn't imagine the trauma she put our child through. How scared Astra must have been ever full moon as she was mistreated by her own mother. the woman who was meant to love her more than anything else in the whole world. 

The thought made me sick. 

Watching the peaceful child sleep, i noticed that every now and then she wince when she moved certain ways, she must have hurt herself during the transformation, I'll have to take a look at that later. For now she should sleep some more, i doubt she'd been allowed the luxury of sleeping in.

So that's how i spent the following few hours, lying with my daughter sleeping peacefull on my chest, taking in every detail of her small features. Combing my hand gently through her frizzy auburn hair, brushing it out of her face. I couldn't help but think she must have naturally curly hair and no clue how to maintain it. I'll have to look after that later, we could go for a hike in the forest and collect some ingredients for a hair potion Sirius once showed me when we were back in school. 

Merlin, i hadn't thought of that name in a while. I couldn't stop myself from wondering what he was doing, had he been driven to insanity by the dementors? had he managed to hold on to his sanity these past eleven years? did he regret betraying us. Poor James and lily trusted him. I wasn't even in the country when it happened, i found out second hand. Maybe if i hadn't taken the mission to be with the werewolves, i would have been their secret keeper and none of it would have happened. Peter would still be alive. James and Lily might have had more children and Harry could've been raised by a family that loved him. I wonder what he looks like now, did he still looks like a mini prongs? If things were different and i wasn't what i am i would have fought to raise him. Lily did almost choose me over Sirius for godfather, but nothing bet the bound James and Sirius had...So why did he do it? what made him join... them? he hated blood supremacy, he hated his family, so why join them? was he imperioed? did he do it to protect someone else? maybe if i hadn't taken the mission i could have stopped him from joining? i could have been there for him. God there's so many things that don't make sense. Sirius always loved muggles and their culture and wit, why kill thirteen of them just to obliterate Peter?  Why sell out his brother, he was always more of a Potter than a Black... Merlin, i missed them all, I wonder what they'd all think of this. Me, lying her with a daughter. Moony, who swore i'd never be married or have kids.