Love of a Sinner

Ch 8 - His Heaven

Something unexpected happened.

No, it wasn't that Joohoon ceased his teasing, nor his sudden nerve wrecking "moments", that gave Jiwook heart attacks, though it slowly made him to unwillingly like it more and more.

No, nothing as big as that.

Still it was something you couldn't miss to notice.

For sure. How could he not then it was about his life.

Jiwook began honestly to wonder how it was even possible. For it to change so easy. So much.

His life turned at 180° and it happened in a just mere 3 days.

It was straight funny and at the same time frightening enough to think that your life can change that effortlessly. Sometimes you fight till your soul is bleeding and your last strength is leaving you, but you can't change one damn thing and you're forced to accept the outcome. To bend and carry the weight of your unfortunate fate...

That was Jiwook's life.

He fought in his own way and everything he did seemed right for him since it was for his "survival", his "happiness". Yes, Jiwook was selfish. To the point that in his fight against inexistent threats, he lost the meaning and the purpose of his fighting. He forgot what happiness even meant for him.

Until then.

"However I look at it, it's wrong. But then, why do I feel that it's just like it should be... It's strange."

Strange was his definition of his mess of feelings and the core cause of that was none other than Lee Joohoon.

His will to be closer to him, to make him like him back, to be someone worthy for him, become the sole object of his interest, up to wanting to control him – all of it was mostly the cause of the sudden change of Jiwook's life. Better said Jiwook himself began to change.

Unconsciously he desired attention and finally got what he needed the most.

Self-love.

Since to be able to love someone means you have to love yourself first.

Thus that was the biggest trigger in changing his life.

- Hm.

Before that, everything he could see or feel, was cold darkness, wherefrom Jiwook didn't even dream to escape anymore. However now, he didn't just find the light which he always had looked for, but an whole new existence for him, a new meaning to his own life, an will, an...

Lee Joohoon.

- Huff.

No, the darkness didn't disappear. It was still there. The void of that dark madness stayed silently behind Jiwook, ready to swallow him whole. Jiwook just wasn't looking at it. He was trying to grasp and hold that precious light with all his might, afraid to lose it. Cause he knew, if he'd lose it, never would he be freed of his own demons.

- Huf huf, aah!

Jiwook flinched and opened wide his eyes, his locks drenched in cold sweat, his breathing heavy and unstable. It wasn't that bad as the night in the basement, but he still had those awful nightmares which sucked all the living out of him. Even his cry sounded strangled to the point it seemed a mere muffled moan than a frightened scream.

Sigh.

He was tired of it already. In his nightmares he saw himself dying over a hundred of times, each time in a different way, but always equally painful. Sometimes he was seeing his brother, better said his corpse, for a second, cause the next Jiwook was looking at his own miserable corpse. He was feeling as he'd lose his sanity if it continued like that, but strangely enough, he was getting used to it. Maybe it was thanks to his new reality, the bright, unusual, out-of-this world time with Lee Joohoon, which he slowly began to cherish so much, that the terrible nightmares remain only that - nightmares.