Love of a Sinner

Ch 36 - The One

Joohoon run to Jiwook, took his hand and almost crushed him in his embrace, only at the last second, he remembered that the younger was still a patient and held himself just for a little bit, his arms too late to follow his thoughts, wrapped tightly around the other's back as though with no intention to ever let him go. He buried his face in the crook of Jiwook's neck to breathe in his sunlight-like smell, to engulf himself in Jiwook's warmth, to touch his skin, to feel him alive.

Real.

Finally.

Joohoon's hold, its tightness, carried a longing so strong, a silent desperation that Jiwook never once thought he would receive from anyone, nevertheless from Joohoon. He sunk in the elder's embrace and he remembered: his mind, his body, it was craving for the other's warmth just as much. God, how long was it since he was that close with Joohoon, since their last hug, last time they held their hands? How could he forget that he was missing Joohoon's touches and warmth all this time?! How could he be unaware of how much he and his body needed, craved for the other?! And now with Joohoon holding him like that, he shivered, like something just ignited inside of him, his heart beating fast enough to burst.

- Ji...wook. Jiwook! Jiwook...

Joohoon was calling out his name again and again like he still wasn't sure if Jiwook was real or not before him. The younger's heart squeezed so much upon seeing that shattering, vulnerable side of Joohoon, as though he held in his hands Joohoon's soul bared, with no shields and walls, no pretenses, no appearances or acting. The elder stripped his heart and gave it to Jiwook willingly, eagerly, for him to crush it if he wished or care for it instead.

- Jiwook, I missed you so much.

Though his voice was so weak and quiet, partially muffled in Jiwook's shoulder, the other heard it. He couldn't hold his tears as everything he heard from Joohee about her brother rushed to his mind and he understood only then, how much he hurt Joohoon, how great was his pain if he was breaking in front of him for Jiwook to gather the pieces.

Jiwook caressed the elder's back, patted his hair, rubbing his cheek on it and dropping now and then feather-light kisses.

Joohoon nuzzled in his neck like he wasn't getting enough of it, the younger pulled him down to lay in bed with him, still stroking his back softly. He expected that bear-like weight of the elder on top of him, yet his eyes widened in shock at how light the other felt. He moved his hand slowly up and down as if to check with his touches Joohoon's body and winced at how different it felt from his memories. It scared him how thin the elder became. He couldn't see yet he wanted at least to touch and feel everything he could to know better how Joohoon was then. Jiwook put unconsciously his hands under Joohoon's shirt, gliding his fingers on the other's skin so warm to his touch.

The elder flinched. He rose a little, questioning eyes looked down at the younger's clear blue eyes that watched him back. Or not? He wasn't sure. Jiwook behaved so differently than all those past days, like nothing happened. Just like it was before the assault.

He had times when he was temporarily forgetting certain memories and would suddenly carry himself coldly like in the past, before they got close, yet now he felt like it wasn't the case. Joohoon was afraid to find out the right answer. Afraid that it could be just another merciless episode, which will end with Jiwook pushing him away again or even worse, him screaming and crying right in front of him.

He was drowning in that heavenly blue, lost in thoughts for a while, his right hand which still was wrapped in the cast the doctor just changed today, made him wince in pain.

- You're hurt, aren't you?

Jiwook asked worried, his both hands reached Joohoon's face and cupped it.