이해 했어요
Another day means another episode.
I let out a deep sigh as I wait for the camera to start rolling. We are going to have another shooting, and despite being tired, we are all wearing smiles, acting as if nothing is wrong.
I heard from our manager a while ago that Min Jee eonnie was finally free, and she's already signed in a new company.
I don't know what to feel, if I should be happy or worried. If only she told us about what happened, we could've helped her, we could've been still together up until now.
I hate myself for still thinking about her. And even though the company already banned us from talking or just even seeing her, I still couldn't help it but miss her, she was like a sister to me, and I really want to see her again.
"What can you say about it?"
I was then brought back to reality because of Mulan eonnie's voice. I look at her apologetically and it looks like she understood so she asked me once more.
"What can you say about the new YG building?" she asked and I smiled before looking at the camera.
"It's really nice! Also, some parts in Treasure sunbaenim's mv for MMM were taken there!" I said, also endorsing Junkyu's group so that our fans would also check them out.
"Oh, yes! It's a nice building! It's actually like a spaceship. Our company is really futuristic!" EunKyung eonnie added and we all agreed to what she said.
After a few more questions, the staff told us that we could eat first but cameras are still rolling so we must behave.
But because Eun Kyung eonnie is in our team, the word 'behave' isn't really acknowledged.
"And I~ will always love you~" she sang but I continued eating, not minding her as she's flexing her 8 octave high voice.
Yes, her voice is that high, also, she can't whistle using her mouth, but she can by the use of her vocal cords.
"Yah, eat first!" Hiraya eonnie reminded her so she stopped eating before sitting beside me.
"I still can't believe that a year from now, we'll be debuting. And all the videos we are recording will be released soon too! I had always dreamed of debuting under YG entertainment, and it's gonna happen soon." Eun Kyung eonnie suddenly said as we're all eating.
The playful atmosphere then became a serious one because of this topic.
"I also dreamed of debuting under YG ever since I became a fan of Bigbang since Bigbang sunbaenim is really popular in China," Mulan eonnie said and I smiled because I'm glad that she's slowly opening up to us too.
All I wanted to do right now is to turn off the cameras around us that are recording our little chitchats because it's like an invasion of privacy.
For me, this little moments where we became serious is really important because we are always seen as a group who's playful and always happy, but no, we're also ordinary teenagers who would love to talk about how our normal life became like this.
"Actually, I was about to leave the company the same day we were announced as the final lineup for the new girl group because I was slowly losing hope, and I planned on going home to the Philippines, but it looks like fate wanted me to be with you, guys!" Hiraya eonnie said, her eyes sparkling as tears were threatening to fall that's why we all cooed her.
Hiraya eonnie sacrificed her studies for her dream, her parents didn't like her decision and I'm actually proud of her for she did what she wanted.
She knows how to be happy, and I wish I could be like her too.
"I can't imagine you not in the group!" Nari eonnie said as she's also close to crying. Nari eonnie actually became closer with Hiraya eonnie and Mulan eonnie in the past few weeks that's why she's really sad at the news.
"Me too, if it weren't for Hiraya eonnie... I wouldn't be here," Mulan eonnie said before finally breaking down.
My chest tightened at the scene. Why were we crying now? We were so happy, but now, we're suddenly sad.
"Yah! I also wouldn't be here without you!" Hiraya eonnie said before hugging Mulan eonnie.
I wiped my tears away because although I've been with Mulan and Hiraya eonnie for just a few months, I already noticed how strong their bond is.
It was like the bond I shared with Min Jee eonnie. They treat each other like sisters, and I'm so happy that they're always there for each other.
"Yah! We're all crying now! It's so embarrassing!" Eun Kyung eonnie said as she's wiping her tears so I hugged her too.
The staff members also gave us proud smiles, especially our manager who's also tearing up in the corner as she's watching this scene.
"I remember those trainee years we've spent together, it was so hard..." I finally whispered.
They all became quiet, it's as if they're all waiting for me to say more so I took this opportunity to finally open some of my hidden pain to them.
"I was a trainee when I was only 10 years old. It's hard because I never actually had the chance to create friends who are in my school because I was heavily guarded."
My chest tightened even more at that memory. My mother never wanted me to have other friends, that's why I was so happy to be in the groupchat alongside other kpop artists because it felt like I was making new friends without worrying if my mom would scold me for doing it.
"And I'm sorry for acting like a kid sometimes. It's just that, I'm really not updated with some things. Ever since I was young, I only had this mindset that I should always ace the monthly evaluation or else, I'll find myself outside YG entertainment."
"That's why I'm boring to be with. I don't even have any social media accounts! And that's why I want to thank all of my eonnies for taking care of me like I'm their real baby sister, you don't know how much this means to me," I whispered softly before finally crying while hugging Eun Kyung eonnie, and later I felt my other members hugging us too.
I heard my sobs, and theirs too. We were all crying as we hugged each other. We all know what we went through was really hard, and I think that's what keeping us as a group.
We held to those hardships because without it, we wouldn't be who we are now. We were just kids who have dreams, but still, we all went to a rough path just to achieve it.
That's why I'm so proud of the five of us for still being here. They say that YG entertainment has no room for odd numbers in terms of groups, but we'll prove them wrong.
We'll all stick together, because we're a family. And families shouldn't leave a member out.
• • •
Finally, I get to have a break! My members already went back to our dorm, but I went here because I don't want them to see me this tired.
They actually cheered for me as I was recording for my solo, and I was so happy that they came. It lessened my nervousness, especially that the company wanted me to perform in MAMA alongside Treasure so that our group would be slowly known too.
"You're here," a deep voice said, making me look at it.
"Haruto..." I whispered before smiling and gesturing for him to come and sit next to me.
I'm inside YG's café, all alone because I just finished some few recordings in The Black Label studio for my solo and a little meeting in the company about it.
I excused myself from going to school today because we had shootings earlier, and I have a lot to do, I don't even know if I can still finish my studies this school year.
"What brings you here?" I asked as I drink on my cup of iced latte.
"I don't know what to do anymore, so I went here to hide from my members." he whispered before looking down and playing with his fingers.
"You didn't want your members to find out that you're sad?" I asked as I look at him worriedly.
"Yeah..." he whispered before slowly looking at me.
Our eyes met, and I know those feelings that his eyes were showing. He was in pain, worn out, jealous. It felt like I was also looking at my eyes as I dive in those deep brown orbs of his.
It was like a mirror of what I'm also feeling.
"What happens inside the YG café, stays inside the YG café. Do you also believe that phrase?" I asked as I play with the straw of my drink.
"Yeah. That's why everytime I'm tired, I go here to make my mind clear. Do you also believe it?" He asked too and I nodded before smiling a little.
I was the one who made that phrase when I was younger, and I'm glad he believes it because this café has been a safe haven for me too ever since.
And I'm so happy that what I did inside this café when I was a kid never went out because it's all a secret for us only.
Inside this café, I cried, I became happy, I broke down, I laughed. It all happened here, and it'll never leave this place.
"What troubles you, Haruto?" I asked.
"W-we had a fansign event earlier. I know it might sound petty, but I was hurt when a fan ignored me and didn't even pay attention to me, so I showed her Jihoon hyung's face instead but because of that, I got scolded." he slowly opened up before biting his nails.
"Don't do that. Please, I'm here. All will be alright, take a deep breathe, Ruto. I understand you," I told him because I knew his movements. Those were the actions I do when my anxiety starts creeping in.
He let out a deep breath as soon as he stopped biting his nails before continuing his story.
"I know I can't be everyone's favourite, but I don't know why I wanted to be loved by many. Actually, I'm really jealous of my other members so much, it hurts."
"Because it hurts me that they get to graduate and be with their other friends, but I'm just stuck inside the dorm or the practice room because I can't go to school." he said, almost whispering as if what he just said really hurt him so much.
And all I wanted to do right now was hug him tightly and tell him that he's doing great.
"It hurts me that they get to see their parents anytime they want if we're given a day off, but I can't."
"I hate myself for feeling this way, but I just can't seem to feel happy right now because I can't lie. I suck at lying, and I'm hurt... so so hurt, Stella." he whispered before covering his face using his hands as he sobbed next to me so I pat his back as I wait for him to be fine.
We were both quiet, but I can feel him shaking from crying, I can also feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces as I hear him sobbing.
"I'm okay, I'm so sorry for crying." he said and was about to get up but I stopped him by holding his hand.
"I'm also not going to school for now because I'm really busy. If you have time, please go with me as I record in the black label building." I told him with a small smile.
"Would that be alright?" he asked and I nodded my head.
"Haruto, you're my favourite. So please, cheer up." I told him, and when I saw his usual smirk that's when I knew he's finally okay.
"See you tomorrow," I told him and he nodded before giving me a smile. It wasn't a smirk or a playful smile, but a genuine one.
I felt my heart skip a beat because of what he did.
"See you," he said before ruffling my hair and leaving me with my heart going crazy because of him.
After a few minutes, I decided to finally leave and as I was arranging my things, my phone suddenly vibrated.
I looked at it and I was shocked to see that Haruto is calling me.
"hello?" I asked when I finally answered his call. Also, I am now on my way back to our dorm.
"Thanks for being a good friend, stella." he whispered before ending the call.
A small smiled made its way to my lips because of that.
I'm glad you see me as a good friend too, Haruto.
to be continued. . .