Fan Art credit: @RiNa
What is Sum listening to today? "Arcade" slowed by Duncan Laurence.
If you want to have the added "musical" experience, wait until I tell you to start the song :)
I love you all and hope you are having a good day as always!
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Lunch had been as dull as ever.
Apart from Hanji trying to give me more kisses, nothing had really happened. Rashad had continuously asked me why I had made him throw the bread roll, but I had just laughed and refused to answer him.
Moblit had spent lunch trying to calm Hanji down and to keep her hands off of me. I found it amusing, but clearly it made the people around us uncomfortable. I was not one for public displays of affection, but with Ji, I didn't mind.
Reiner had left not long after Levi, with Bertholdt hot on his tail. He was disturbed by who I had chosen to kiss, but I could tell that I had at least satisfied his request. All that was left was our public fight where I have to let him win.
I was navigating through the hallways now, taking the long way to Levi's office to make sure that no one was following me. If word got out to Reiner that Levi and I were still together, who knows what would happen. Not to mention my plan would be foiled.
His office doors creaked as I opened them, signaling my arrival. I closed them quickly behind me, even though I knew no one was in the area.
I sighed and brought a hand up to rub my forehead while I scanned the room for him.
Levi was leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom, to the far left of his office. His eyes instantly found mine.
He let out a low laugh as he said, "Well, that worked."
I smiled and walked over to him. He straightened and open his arms for me. I walked into them and let him embrace me.
"It's a good thing Hanji didn't seem to mind." I whispered.
"Tch, why would she?" Levi replied.
I sighed and said, "She probably just imagined me as a titan."
Levi laughed quietly and rubbed my back with his hand. I laughed with him, relieved that we had both made it through this with smiles on our faces.
"Did you see Reiner's reaction?" I asked.
"It looked like he couldn't get a shit out." He answered blankly.
I couldn't even contain my laughter as my shoulders shook in Levi's arms. I brought one of my hands up to muffle my laugh, but it didn't help. I had heard the rumor about Levi's famous shit jokes, but I had never gotten to hear one for myself until now.
Start song now :) (read slow + with the music, iykyk)
Levi turned his head up slightly to look at me. Once he saw my huge smile, a small one spread across his face as well, matching mine. It always made him happy to see that he could make me laugh, especially during a time like this.
As soon as I got my laughter under control, I pulled away from him to gain full view of his face. His hands were still on my waist and he was softly smiling, I felt like it was contagious. Levi didn't smile often, but it was my goal to change that.
I want to be the source of his happiness, always and forever.
"Thank you for agreeing to my plan today." I whispered to him, "I know it must have been hard for you."
Levi's smile faded slightly, "Don't worry about me, I'm just glad that I was able to help you get out of this situation with Reiner."
I nodded as a response.
Without Levi's help, I wouldn't have been able to satisfy Reiner's request without hurting the man that I love.
"I wanted to thank you," Levi started again, he tilted his head down slightly, breaking his gaze away from mine. "for trusting me. You could have easily listened to Reiner obediently and left me without an explanation."
I didn't know what to say to that, but I started, "Levi, I-"
He shook his head and continued, "If I lost you, especially if it was from my doing, I don't know what I would do with myself." Levi paused, as if he was determining whether or not he should continue, "You brought light into my life, you make me happy. I don't want to be alone like I was before I met you ever again."
His face was contorted into expression that made it appear like he was in pain. I couldn't see his eyes because his head hung low in between our bodies. His grip on my waist tightened as he fought with himself. His breathing became heavier, as if he was building up the courage to say what he really felt.
"I can't-" Levi was whispering now, I could barely understand his words. "Without you, I couldn't do it anymore. I wouldn't be able to keep going Y/N."
Suddenly, Levi snapped his head up to look at me. His expression was distressed and he widened his grey eyes as they met mine. To my surprise, I could see water pooling in them.
I felt some of my own tears pooling as I stared at him. Seeing the person you love in agony is the deepest and most destructive source of pain that you could ever feel. And looking at Levi now...All I wanted was to be able to take his pain away.
"Y-Y/N, please promise me." He stuttered, but his voice had increased in volume. "Promise me that you'll stay with me. Please."
His lip was quivering and he was loosing strength in his arms. They slowly fell away from my waist and hung at his sides. Levi stood in front of me now, staring into nothingness.
"Everyone always leaves me." He whispered.
Tears slowly slipped down his cheeks as he stayed frozen in thought. I could tell that he was recalling the memories of all of his fallen comrades, friends and family alike. He had lost so much already, which fills him with the fear of more loss in the future.
Because he has already experienced the excruciating pain of losing someone he loved, multiple times, it only makes the fear of it happening again overwhelm him.
Everyday he fights with himself to keep going and to not give into the pain.
Negative thoughts and that fear can easily consume a person and control their actions.
Levi had allowed himself to open up to me and let me in, aware of the fact that I could potentially just be another person for him to lose. He took that risk because of his love for me.
Levi loves me so deeply that he would allow himself to get hurt again just to be with me.
All of these thoughts floated through my head as I processed. His vulnerability is one of the things that I know I have to protect with my life. Never again would I allow him to go through another loss alone.
I reached a hand up to push some of his hair out of his eyes, which made him switch his gaze to me. Just as he did with me yesterday, I used my thumb to wipe away his tears. His eyes widened as he watched me, showing that he was not used to being comforted.
A faint smile appeared on my face for a split second before I wrapped my hands around him and gently guided him back against my body. I didn't know whether or not an embrace would be enough comfort, but I was trying my best.
I wanted to make Levi's tears disappear.
---
Levi's POV
What had caused this outburst? I never allow myself to be this emotional, especially not in the presence of others. But being around Y/N...She always makes me feel comfortable, and almost, safe in a way. We had both allowed each other to know things that no other person does, which has only made our bond stronger.
After hearing what Reiner had said to her yesterday, I had been filled with the fear of losing her. Never before had I even thought about that possibility, I had been so blinded by my love for her that I hadn't considered what it would feel like to have her ripped away from me just like everyone else in my life.
My mother.
Furlan.
Isabel.
Gunther.
Eld.
Oluo.
Petra.
And countless other comrades.
How many more people would die before I got the chance to save them? How much more loss will I have to endure before my own life ends?
I was still lost in thought when I felt a hand push some of my hair out my eyes. I was still in daze as I slowly lifted my gaze to meet her's. Y/N's beautiful e/c eyes stared back at me, filled with empathy. Her thumb grazed across my cheek, wiping away a few of the stray tears that were sliding down my face. If I wasn't so lost in my emotions, I would have smiled at this. She was comforting me the same way that I always did her. It made me happy that she payed so close attention to my actions.
Before I was able to register, her hands wrap around me and pulled me into her chest. It took me a second to realise what was actually happening. My tears were quickly dried from her shirt. My eyes expanded as she held me tightly, as if she was just as worried that I would slip away, like how I felt about her.
Tenderness has never been my strong suit, and I have never sought for affection of any kind.
Through years of loss, I have learned that it is better to not get attached to anyone. Although I have tried my hardest, there are still some people that you can't help caring for. Y/N is one of those people.
To my surprise, I had opened myself up to love another so deeply.
Y/N is my first lover, and I want her to be my only.
As long as she is by my side, I am no longer afraid of the tragedy that is yet to come. We will face it together and our enemies won't stand a chance.
I came back from my thoughts to focus on the feeling of Y/N's body against mine. One of her hands was wrapped tightly around my shoulders while the other held the back of my head.
My arms were still hanging by my sides, I was still processing. I could feel Y/N's tears dripping down onto my shirt.
I didn't realise that my pain is shared. I'm not alone anymore.
Hesitantly, I started to bring my arms up to wrap around her waist.
As soon as my hands made contact with her body, her sniffling immediately stopped, as if she was surprised. I quickly wrapped my arms tightly around her, decreasing the already microscopic distance between our bodies.
I allowed myself to completely open up as my tears dripped down my face, drying against her shirt.
Y/N held me firmly against her, never letting go. I was shaking in her arms as I relived the events from my past that haunt me every day.
She pushed some of my hair aside and whispered, "I promise, Levi. I'll stay with you."
---
I am crying.
Trying out something new lol :)
Everyone dry your tears and we will now read about what's going on in this stanky mf's head.
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Rider's POV
She made a fool out of me. She had found a loophole that I had so carelessly missed. Y/N hadn't even cared about outing her sexuality to everyone in the cafeteria. That woman didn't fear or care about anything.
Goddammit!
I kicked out my desk chair, sending it across my room. My anger after lunch could not be controlled. I had yelled at Bertholdt to stay away from me after we had exited the cafeteria, then had quickly come to my room to release my anger. I needed to figure out a way to destroy her.
Although, she did kiss that section commander in front of Levi. Regardless of genders, it was still a kiss in front of him. Maybe my plan was working out after all.
And Levi's face. The horror. It was all so real.
I laughed to myself as I recalled his reaction. There was no reason for me to stress, my plan was working out exactly how I had imagined it. The next step was to publicly humiliate Y/N in a fight, and I am certainly not going to pull my punches.
Her ego will finally be destroyed, along with the rest of her sanity.
Whatever of that she has left.
Our last fight had revealed another side of Y/N, a much darker one.
Even just thinking about her blank expression and the feeling of her threatening to break my arm sent shivers all over my body. My fear in that moment had been so intense that I wasn't able to think about anything else.
It had almost felt like a dark aura was radiating off of her, and I know that I wasn't the only one who had felt it. At least I had been able to injure her, even if it was only a hit to her back.
I was unsure of my reason why I wanted her finished. I guess it was revenge for our first encounter, but it also went deeper. Her ego, her mannerisms, everything about her pissed me off.
Y/N feels like she is powerful, and I needed to show her how weak and pathetic she actually is. She hides it well, but anyone with eyes can see through her act to how broken and destroyed she is on the inside. It is my job is exploit that.
First, my arm needs to heal. But after that, I would send word to Y/N of our fight.
I would finally be able to humiliate her, just as she did to me that day with Eren and with our most recent fight where even Erwin had seen my ass get handed to me.
I clenched my fists as I imagined how it would feel to finally put her down. The satisfaction that I am going to feel is going to be immense. I smiled to myself as I imagined what she would look like with fear in her eyes for the first time in her life.
Y/N will finally be kicked from her throne.
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It was only a short chapter today guys.
If you all liked the whole music thing then just let me know and I'll try to do it more often.
Also guys...this book literally isn't anywhere near being finished, so don't worry about that lol.