SAMMIE'S POV:
As we finish the concert that day Tae and Jimin acted so awkward on stage. Normally during encore those two normally play and enjoy on stage but earlier they haven't been interacting that much. The fans might not able to notice it but all of us do because we know how each and everyone of us works during concert.
At the backstage we change to our normal clothes and remove our make up. I am the last one to get out of the dressing room because they put some hair extensions that is needed to be remove.
Jimin and I will still share a car and as I walk out I see him waiting for me in the parking.
"Mianhe Oppa didn't mean to make you wait!" I told him and he just nodded and walk towards our waiting car. He let me enter the car first.
As we are driving towards our hotel like earlier he is quiet and is just looking outside. I really can bear his silent behaviour he was asking for a second chance and this is how he is acting.
"Oppa???!" I call out to him and he slowly look at me with a questioning look. "What happen to you and Tae? Why are you two fighting?" I ask him.
"I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about him!" He snapped. I was taken aback by his behaviour.
So I just look at my side of the window and didn't talk to him. A few minutes have passed before I heard him talk. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you I am just under a lot of stress lately!" He said in a quiet tone.
I didn't acknowledge what he said and just continue looking outside my window. I heard him let out a deep sigh.
I am really fed up with his constant mood swings, I don't understand him at all. One moment he is like a shy guy confessing and asking for a second chance then all of a sudden he will become this annoying jerk that snaps all of a sudden with whatever reason that unbeknownst to me.
We were both quiet until we reach the hotel. He kept the car door open for me but I went out of the car without looking or saying anything to him. I just walk pretty fast until I reach the entrance because there are some fans that are camping outside of our hotel.
"Sammie!.......Sammie wait up!" He said as he run to catch up with me. I still didn't look at him until the elevator door opens. We have other people in the elevator with us so he didn't get the chance to talk to me again.
As we reach our floor I hurriedly went out of the elevator and brisk walk towards my room.
I felt someone grab my arm and that made me stop walking.
I look at the hands of the person holding me and look at his face.
"Look Sammie I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be rude. Please just talk to me!" Jimin said I look at him and see that he is sincere with his apology but I really can't hold my temper any longer.
"Talk to you? I was!!!! In the car remember??? I was trying to talk to you but you shut me out!! Did I insist? Did I bother you after that? No right?"I know that I am being sarcastic but I think he needs to hear this. "So now I don't want to talk to you so just go to your room and leave me be!" I continued and I turn my back on him and continue walking towards my room.
"I am Jealous!!!" He said. I stop walking and turn to look at him. "I know I screwed up. I was asking for a second chance I just thought that you still feel the same way. But I was wrong. You have already moved on and I know I should respect that. It just hurts!"He said and he looks so dejected.
I really don't know what the hell he is talking about. " I don't understand what are you talking about?!" I told him. He said he is jealous but to who? He said that he thinks I moved on but how? I dunno where he is getting this ideas.
We are in the middle of the hallway. There are some staff who goes in and out of the rooms. And we cannot risk for anyone to eavesdrop on our conversation.
So I walk back to him and grab his arms and pull him towards my room.
When we are in the safety of my room we both sat on the sofa.
S: "Now tell me what is going on with you?"
J: "I'm sorry if I'm causing you another problem again. I promise I will behave. I will accept everything because it's my fault. I am the first to let go. but your happiness means more than anything else!"
S: "I am just confuse on where all of this is coming from? You said you're jealous? Of Who? You also said I have moved on, how do you even know that?"
J: " I am jealous of Tae because I know he can make you more happy than I can. He has always been there for you and he always takes care of you. He never hurt you like I do. So I understand why you have fallen for him. I was just really hurt when I realized that we can no longer have a second chance. But all through out our concert I was thinking about it and I realize that I shouldn't meddle with your happiness. It's just takes time for me to fully accept it but I will someday!"
S: "Is that why you and Tae are fighting earlier before the concert?"
J: "Yes I kinda confronted him about your relationship and he denied it. I told him to tell me the truth and not hide it from me. I was just thinking that he isn't telling the truth because he doesn't want me to get hurt. I just felt so betrayed because since we broke up he was the only person that I have been confiding my feelings in then finding out the way I did it earlier it just so messed up"
S: "Yes it is so messed up. Because Tae is telling the truth. How could you ever think that Tae and I would have a romantic relationship together? You know us for several years you should have known that me and Tae would never do that to you!"
J: "It's just that when I came by early he opened the door for me and you just got out of the shower I just felt that it is so intimate even with friends!"
S: "He was sleeping when I took a shower. I heard someone knocking on the door so I went out of the bathroom thinking that Tae won't wake up to open it but he did. But it doesn't mean that we are doing something that we should not be doing. You know me better than that!"
J: "I know I'm sorry I am just too blinded by my jealousy. I was thinking that because of him that's why you didn't want us to have a second chance!"
S: " You really are messed up to even think of that. I have love you for so long and had been hurt multiple times. I just wanted to have my heart a rest. Because I feel like if I jump into another relationship and get hurt again I feel like my heart will no longer recover. Just because I didn't want it for now doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore. Because I still do that had never change."
J: "Mianhe! I cannot say I'm sorry enough. I know that you have been through a lot because of me and I am so so sorry!"
S: "No Oppa most of the pain that I went through are self inflicted. Because I assumed, because I expected. I know that you never deliberately wanted to hurt me just because you want to. I know that there are good reasons for it. So when I had a talk with Tae last night I had seen the situation on a whole new perspective. Yeah I was mad at you I was angry but not anymore. Because I realize of all the pain that I had was not cause by you but it's because of me!"
J: "What I don't understand. Why are you blaming yourself? I am the one who cause you pain!"
S: "That's what I thought about as well before. But thinking back the reason that I got hurt is because I expected a lot and have given a lot. Well yeah you might have hurt me in the past but I can't blame you for all of it most of it is because of my own doing!"
J: " Regardless of what you think I still have responsibility for what had happened in the past. And I sincerely apologize for that!"
S: "I have forgiven you Oppa even before you ask I have forgiven you. But it doesn't mean that I am ready to be in a relationship with you again!"
J: "It's okay I am not rushing you. I am willing to wait whenever you are ready. Take your time I will always be here!"
S: "Gumapta Oppa! But please make up with Tae Oppa he didn't do anything wrong!"
J: "I know now. And I know that he is really really angry at me!"
S: "That's for sure because out of all people who you would think that would betray you, you thought it was him your own best friend. So good luck on that!"
J: " I know. Thank you for forgiving me. And again I'm sorry!"
S: "It's okay Oppa. We have learned so much and matured a lot in our experience. I realize how important it is to have an open communication!"
J: "I promise not to keep any secret from you. Even if it's uncomfortable to say I'll say it. I learned my own lesson!"
S: "So do I! I guess you need to look for Tae now to talk. I bet he is waiting to talk to you as well!"
J: "I bet he does! Goodnight Princess!"
S: "Goodnight Oppa!"
And he left my room. I feel like a ton of stones that I have been carrying had been lifted off my shoulders. We finally understand each others stands.
I am still hoping that at the end of this process that we will still end up to be together but for now I wanted to concentrate on myself and on my work. There are so much more that I wanted to achieve. And I need to discover the process of loving myself.
My happiness should not be dependent on a person. I should make my own happiness. That is the only way for me to cope on future heartaches.
***chimmie***