MADISON'S POV.
I make my way downstairs, throwing Kara's odd socks into the basket as I go. Fangs, who already sprinted down the stairs, waits impatiently for me at the bottom of the stairs. I pat his head as I pass him but my mind doesn't wander.
Kara still hasn't spoken to me, she's avoiding me. I'm not sure what to sort out first. I walk into the sitting room and open all the windows. It feels too hot in here. I'm aware it's probably just me but regardless I sit by the window as I think and allow the cool air to hit my skin.
I take a deep breath and I whisper out loud to myself to help me think.
"Okay, talk to Kara. Sort that out... Don't say anything to Kai, not yet, not if you can fix this quickly. I need to go back to the infirmary, maybe there'll be something there to make myself sick enough that..."
I sigh and drop my head into my hands. Even the thought of this sounds horrible, but I never planned on having one baby, never mind two. I'm not going through that again. I'm sure if someone found me right now, they'd lock me in that cell with that girl.
I glance up at the clock on the mantle piece above the fire. It'll be dinner time soon and I don't want to be here when Rick and Michonne get back. I stand up and quickly close the windows before making my way towards the door and calling Fangs. Of course he shoots out in front of me and I close the door behind me.
I walk briskly past the green where all the children in the community play after school. Their screams and laughter fills the air. My eyes scan the small crowd and instantly find Judith, who's smiling widely while chasing others in a game. I tear my eyes away when I don't find Kara. She's still with Rick.
My feet carry me to the infirmary door and I peak through the window first. I spot Siddiq and the newbies inside. I take a deep breath and knock once on the door before entering.
"Hey." Siddiq's voice goes half an octive higher than usual and the shock on his face isn't subtle.
"Hey."
"I didn't think you'd be back."
I shrug. "Yeah, well, I just thought I'd take these guys off your hands. You must be tired. I can clean in here and lock up for you if you wanna get some sleep."
"Yeah, wow, that would be great. Thanks." He beams.
"You gonna stop by tomorrow?" He asks.
"I'm working tomorrow but maybe in the evening. I'll watch these guys again, you've had a rough couple of days."
"Thanks Mads." He pats my shoulder and he reaches behind me to grab his coat.
"Bye guys." He waves before handing me a set of keys and disappearing through the door.
I'm left with Magna, Yumiko, Connie, Luke and Kelly staring at me.
"Nice of you to come back to us." Magna mumbles sourly.
I roll my eyes. "Sorry, I was too busy having a near death experience to babysit for the past few days."
Connies signs something and I look to Kelly for help.
"She said 'what happened?'"
I look to Connie. "It doesn't matter. But everyone's okay now, so nothing to worry about." I smile nervously.
My eyes scan the medical cabinet for something useful. Honestly, I only know how to help people get better, not the other way around. I frown as my eyes move along the rows of books stacked neatly in their shelves.
"You're looking for something?" Kelly questions in a way that sounds like a statement too.
"Just the will to live." I mumble under my breath.
"Are you stealing?" Yumiko asks.
"No, I'm not stealing." I snap but suddenly stop when I realize that I probably will rob something when I find what I'm looking for.
"Oh my god, you're a druggie." Magna laughs loudly, clapping her hands. I've never seen her crack a smile before.
"What are you here for? Morphine? Vicodin? Benzo?"
"Number one, I'm a little curious as to how you know what we have here and number two, don't you think if I was gonna rob drugs from here that I'd, oh I don't know, not have five witnesses watching me?"
Magna sighs loudly and I try to ignore her judging eyes watching my every move as Fangs watches hers.
"Why don't you guys go do something useful." I snap.
I stomp over to the door and open it widely for them.
"Unattended?" Yumiko chimes mockingly and Kelly elbows her.
"Don't be mean." She chides.
"Are you sure they'll let us walk around freely out there without being shot or tackled to the ground?" She tries again.
"Probably not but it beats sitting inside all the time, right?"
They continue to stare at me.
I groan, they're so hard to work with. "Okay, you guys wait outside the door, backs turned and I'll find something slightly more interesting for you to do than watching these four walls like you've been doing for the past few days. Deal?"
"That's not suspicious at all." Magna remarks.
"I want to speak to Connie."
"C'mon let's just go, anything is better than staying in here all day." Kelly ushers the others out the door. I watch them through the window as they turn their backs away from us.
"Do you need a translator?" Kelly offers before closing the door behind her.
"We've got plenty of pens and paper in here, but thanks." I smile appreciatively.
They close the door and stay outside and Connie stands still in the center of the room, watching my lips, waiting for me to explain what's going on.
"Watch them, make sure they don't peak."
She frowns at my odd request but she doesn't argue.
I turn and begin to pull books off the shelf, more specifically pregnancy books.
I use my body as a shield between them and Connie so she doesn't see what I'm doing. I scan each book as quickly as I can, I finally find a book with a list of do's, don't's and what to avoid. I throw a glance over to Connie who continues to stare out the window.
I read the names of many medicines to stay away from, some names too big to even pronounce but my eyes spot a few familiar names like 'Ibuprofen', 'Advil' 'Nyquil' and 'Aspirin'. These are medicines I can get my hands on but the question is how much can I take.
I jump when a hand reaches in front of me placing a small notepad page on the desk next to the book.
'I'm deaf, not blind.'
I sigh in defeat. "Sorry."
She flicks to another page.
'Are you pregnant?"
I shake my head.
'Trying?'
"Jesus, no."
I take the pen from her and flip the page over.
'It's for a friend. Please don't tell.'
She smiles kindly and pretends to zip her lips and throw away the key. She grabs the paper, crumples it up and shoves it in her pockets before turning back to her spot at the door.
I pace over to the medicine cabinet and sift my fingers through every bottle and pill packet possible as I search for something appropriate for my... situation. The bottles softly clink together as I hurry until my hands finally find a bottle of NyQuil
I shove it in my pocket, arrange the cabinet exactly how I found it and close over the doors. Siddiq offered me a job in here, probably because I've been here enough times to know what goes on around here, which is why I search for is 'medical Bible' next. On a small study desk in the furthest corner of the room there is a stack of books.
I automatically go for the familiar one, tall, wide and blue with Siddiq's name scribbled across the front of it. I open the book and flick through his notes and tips, patients and inventory which happens to be at the back of the book. Reaching for both a eraser and pencil I remove a bottle of NyQuil from its contents.
I take a quick scan around the room, happy that it looks as it was and grab the key from the desk drawer.
I pat Connies shoulder as I pass her, opening the door for her.
"Let's go."
Without a word she obliges and I follow her outside with the others, Fangs included. I lock the door and carefully out the key in my pocket so it doesn't clink off the bottle.
"Okay, let's go for a walk."
The others follow me as I search for Rick and Kara. It doesn't take long to be honest, there's only a handful of places Rick likes to be and half of them are eliminated from the list because he has his granddaughter with him.
So after only a few minutes I find Rick and Kara planting seeds in our garden. Fruit and veg sprout from the ground in trees and bushes. During the summer the grass would be covered in flowers of different colors but the winter chill has chased them off. The only plants surviving here are the ones enclosed by a greenhouse.
I watch as Kara spots me and instantly turns around, pretending she hadn't. Her shoulders are rigid and her hands are balled into tiny fists. I sigh.
"You have two options. Go for a walk and admire the gardens or grab a shovel and start planting." I point to the small shed that holds most of the gardening tools.
They disperse with Fangs as I walk towards Rick and Kara.
"Hey." Rick smiles.
"Hey. This place looks nice."
"Yeah, you should spend more time down here. Kara loves it."
"Yeah, it would probably be good for us to find other activities. Keep us out of trouble."
Kara folds her arms angrily.
I look to Rick hoping he can sense my eagerness to speak with Kara. He nods once and dips away into the trees. It seems to irritate Kara as she looks around for something else to other than speak or look at me.
"He's right. I should come down her more often. I'm just always busy."
Kara doesn't budge.
"You've worked very hard on the garden." I murmur.
After another moment of silence I cave with a sigh and roll my eyes. "Let's just cut to the chase. You and I both know neither of us likes small talk. I'm sorry that I gave out to you for doing the exact same thing I was doing."
She unfolds her arms.
"How's that fair?"
"It's not." I surprise her by saying.
She finally looks up at me.
"What?"
"It's not fair. You're right, I'm a hypocrite. I won't be seeing Negan anymore. Do you know what that means?"
"Neither can I?"
I nod.
"I'm trying here. I mean, I'm really trying. I can't always say what's on my mind or how I feel because I don't know how to. It's always been that way. Instead, I just get mad. So I'm trying to be serious when I tell you to please stay away from him. Stay away from the things that will get you hurt." I plead.
I bend down to reach her eye level.
"I know you're trying too because unlucky for you, you're quite like me in the same way like you don't know how to express yourself either. I guess that's my fault. But I'm not sorry because even though it frustrates me behinds words can explain, it makes you, you. I learn along the way. I've learned that even though you'd deny it, you're very superstitious and believe in luck. You wear odd socks everyday just in case you need a bit of luck. You hate when I cook but you'll eat it regardless and feed half your plate to fangs under the table because you think you'll hurt my feelings. You don't like the other kids at school because they're not like you. They're not adventurous or curious or brave enough to pull the shit you do on the regular."
"He gets me. He's my friend." She starts.
"I thought he was my friend too. But he lies and he winds people up. It's what he does. He's killed more people than I can count. I'm not saying I'm exactly innocent here either but I'm not him. He's killed family. Herschel doesn't have a dad because of him."
"Is that why you and Aunt Maggie were fighting the other day ?"
I run my hand through my hair and try not to pull it out. "Yea, pretty much. That's another conversation... Negan is like a drug, in a weird way. You know it's wrong but you keeping going back to him. I've been playing his games for a long time now and I won't let you get dragged in too. It's far too messy. I'm done."
"Okay. I'm sorry too."
I nod.
"Let's go home." I suggest. Kara grabs my hand and pulls me the long way out.
"See these vegetable patches and flower gardens?"
"Yeah."
"We named them after people." She smiles.
"Really ?"
"Yup. Look, there's grandpa's."
She points to a small sign made of two small planks of timber, loosely nailed together and carved writing that says 'Ricks patch', similar to his, Kara has her own. And one for Judith and Michonne, Carl and Kai, Daryl and Hershel, Aunt Jenna and King Ezekiel.
"And where's mine?" I tease.
She hauls me to the furthest patch from the others. It's covered in plants and herbs, useful for medicine remedies.
"Madison Square Garden." She beams.
I push her playfully. "Ha ha very funny"
I turn back to the newbies.
"Fangs!"
He comes running for us at once and is by our side in seconds, licking at Kara's face. She laughs but swats him away.
"Ew." She mumbles.
"Let's go guys!"
Connie, Kelly, Luke, Yumiko and Magna follow too.
Kara and I walk home together with her hand clutched in mine, while the others walk slightly behind. I don't mind, I'm happy to have time with Kara but as I walk I'm awfully aware on the NyQuil in my pocket.
"Uh, so, I won't be home tonight and your dad is... working. So I'll have to see if Michonne or Grampa can look after you tonight."
"Where will you be?"
"I will be...watching the newbies. Poor Siddiq hasn't had a break in a while."
"Kai told me that you're going to be the new doctor here." She asks while petting Fangs' ears as we walk.
I roll my eyes. "Kai talks out of his ass sometimes."
"So it's not true?"
"I haven't decided."
"So it could be?" She looks up at me curiously.
"What do you think I should do?"
She smiles as she thinks.
"Hmm, it would be pretty cool and we'd probably have more time to hang out and practice with our bows but, I don't know, I don't think you'd really like it."
"Why not?" I ask.
"You'd miss it too much out there. You'd miss your bow. Being a doctor here is the same thing everyday, some old folk come in, they're too old to move on their own, you give them a check up and probably a sponge bath and then sooner or later they'll croak."
"You're such a narcissist."
"Dad says I get that from you."
"Yeah, well, your dad also talks out of his ass."
She giggles. "All I'm saying is, everyday in there is the same, what's that word, you know, when you know what's gonna happen?"
"Predictable?"
She skips in the air with the realization. "Yes! Predictable. Everyday there is predictable but outside the walls, you never know what's around the corner. It's dangerous and not always what it's cracked up to be but I think you'd rather that over scrubbing an old mans saggy butt in a sponge bath."
We arrive at the door and I open it for a Kara. Fangs races upstairs first and just like most nights Kara tries to get there before him but he bounces proudly in front of her, waiting in her room.
"I'm going to put her to bed." I explain to the others and when I leave the door open behind me they don't follow.
I watch from the bottom of the stairs as Kara pulls her shoes off and then her socks, leaving them on different steps as she climbs up the stairs.
I roll my eyes.
"You're not coming in ?" I turn and ask the others.
"You don't mind?" Luke asks.
I shake my head.
"Nobody's let us into their homes before. Just the infirmary and the church." Yumiko mutters as they make their way inside.
They wait in the sitting room as I follow Kara up the stairs. By the time I reach her room she's put her pajama bottoms but struggles with the top as she tries to tear out her braid at the same time.
I pull back the covers of her bed and guide her to her bed as her head searches through the soft material for a hole. When she sits I rearrange the top for her so it slips over her head easily. She greets me with messy hair and a cheeky smile when her head pops out.
I detangle her braid quickly before ushering her shoulder towards the mattress for her to lie down.
"Night mom."
"Night. I love you."
"I love you more."
"Not possible." I kiss her on the head and turn out the lights, leaving the door ajar, just how she likes it.
As I turn for the stairs I begin to get nervous for tonight and I can't understand why. I don't want another baby. I make my way downstairs, picking up Kara's socks as I go and dump them in the laundry basket at the bottom of the stairs.
Just then, the door opens and Michonne walks in. She looks exhausted.
"Hey." I smile.
She smiles back. "How was your day?"
"...Busy. Yours?"
"Same. I'm exhausted."
"Ahh-" I look to Magna and the others in the sitting room and nod to the back door while Michonne closes the front. She won't like them being here. They disappear almost instantly.
"Uh, I'm looking after the newbies tonight. Kara's already in bed. Do you mind-"
"No problem Mads. See you in the morning."
I touch her arm in thanks as I leave the house.
The others are waiting for me at the corner of the house and follow my lead down the street as I pass.
Connie signs and Kelly translates for her.
"That was close."
"Very." I agree.
"Where are we going?" Manga asks.
Kai is working late and won't be home for another while so my feet point me in the direction of his house. I anxiously grasp at the NyQuil in my pocket, unsure of how tonight will play out.
"Somewhere quiet."