The drive back to the compound went too quickly for me. One minute I was stood on the street outside The Brew getting my heart shattered into a million pieces, and the next Drake and I were driving Romans 'pride and joy' back into the garage of the Main House.
I didn't want to be back yet, I wanted to sit in my own personal turmoil for a while longer. I wanted to play back the senario over and over again in my head, analyse every word that Terri had thrown at me in anger as I stood there like a moron not saying a word, but instead just crying in her direction as she walked away from me and out of my life.
Drake hadn't spoken a word to me during the drive, he knew that I needed space and he was giving it to me, well as much as he could in the small car we were in. I wished we had brought one of the larger Range Rovers, at least then I could have sat in the back and been a good distance away from Drake.
I feared that the toxic feelings running through my veins right now were contagious, and I didn't want to infect anyone else with my negativity.
Drake parked the car and I felt it come to a rolling stop but I didn't move, I wasn't sure if I could even if I had wanted to. My whole body felt numb and cold to the bone. If I moved my legs would they even carry me or had they abandoned me too?
Drake had gotten out of the car as soon as it had stopped, I didn't blame him, I wouldn't want me be near me right now either. I was a horrible human being - could I even use that phrase anymore?
I had abandoned my best friend, but not only that I had attempted to drag her into this world, a dangerous world that I knew wasn't safe for her but yet I still tried to bring her with me. I had used her as something to tether me to my old life instead of treating her as my bestfriend I treated her as an object, my last foot hold in the human world . She had every right to call me out, so I couldn't even blame her for how she reacted I could only blame myself.
I was selfish, I was self severing and self absorbed. - I was the monster.
The fog in my brained cleaned up just enough to hear the door leading from the kitchen into the garage slam back on its hinges my wolf instantly perking up inside my head.
"PUP!" The chill in Romans voice did nothing to me this time, I couldn't feel any worse.
"MY MATE WHERE IS SHE IS SHE HURT?!" Roman continued to roar setting off more than a few of the car alarms within his vicinity.
I watched as he came into my line of sight still sat in the car.
I also saw Drake who's head was hanging so low he was almost kissing the cold cement floor.
But honestly I was just confused, he knew where we were going, we weren't late back so honestly what was his problem?
"He can feel your pain, but he doesn't know why" my wolf said softly almost as if she was worried I might break apart completely which I wasn't sure of myself.
"Oh" was all I could mustered in a response to her
Drake must have answered Roman because the next thing I knew my door was being almost ripped clean off. Which I knew Drake would be crying over right now, if he wasn't so busy making friends with the floor.
In one fluid motion I was unbuckled and lifted out of my seat and placed tightly against Romans' chest as he lifted me bridal style out of the car. My whole body instantly set on fire the cold I had been previously feeling was banished by his touch, the white hot pain in my heart was gone but this time nothing took it's place.
Turns out there were some things the touch of your mate couldn't heal, and that was the loss of your only true friend.
Roman didn't say a word to me as we left the garage and made our way through the kitchen into the foyer and up the flights of stairs to our bedroom. I don't even know if we passed anyone along the way, my head was buried deep into Romans' chest trying to find the level of comfort his scent usually brought me.
If Roman was in a hurry to get me alone it didn't show. His pace was slow and gentle as he walked through the house, if we did pass anyone else they didn't comment not that i would of cared right now. Romans' eyes were searching me the entire time trying to find out what was causing the pain he was feeling rolling off of me in waves.
When I looked up to meet his gaze it was evident he was mind linking a member of the pack, probably Drake to find out what had gone wrong. No doubt he would soon know every detail and then he would probably call me childish or tell me that I have other friends or some other hallmark line that I didn't want to hear so for now I enjoyed the outside silence and my heart whipped up a storm.
***
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Roman asked calmly which was a completely new experience for me, I have gotten so used to the Alpha way he approaches things.
I just slowly shook my head at him.
When we had entered the room Roman had kicked his shoes off with me still in his arms, he then got us both into bed after removing my shoes. We had just been lay like this in silence for what has felt like forever, but in reality it was probably only an hour. The only sound filling the room was Pepper purring away from his chair by the window, which also did little to comfort me like it normally would.
"Emma how am I supposed to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. I am your mate, you are supposed to share your worries with me. Was it something this Chaz did? Do I need to kill him? I would like to kill him" Roman stated almost excitingly as if he wasn't just discussing murder in the first degree.
This almost got a smile from me, just from the sheer glee that was evident in his voice at the thought of murdering Chaz.
"No it's nothing like that" I finally said surprised by how normal my voice sounded, compared to how I felt on the inside.
"Ok talking that's a good start. If you don't want to tell me the. I won't force you to, just know that I am here and I will always be here" he promised and I knew he meant it I could feel the sincerity in his voice.
"It's time for dinner so I want you to get up and get ready, come downstairs and eat with the pack" Roman stated making it clear that this was not something to be disputed.
So of course that's exactly what I did.
"No thank you Roman, I don't want anything to eat" I stated trying my best to match the authoritative tone he used.
"I don't recall asking you a question Mon Coeur" he trailed off as if he was deep in thought.
I was ready, oh trust me I was ready for the fight that I knew was about to come my way. Today was not the day I was not in the mood.
"Ok how about this. I will ask Ellie to prepare a plate of food, which I will the. bring up here and you can eat it in bed. This however if you accept, is a one time deal, not to be repeated do you understand?" he asked.
My jaw dropped so fast I could have sworn I had dislocated it, had I won? This feels like a win? Even though I would still have to eat, Roman and I had reached at least some sort of compromise.
This would be one for the record books. I was stunned into silence and Roman took my silence as acceptance. I watched his face cautiously as his eyes glazed over signalling that he was mind linking, probably Ellie.
After a minute of two Roman got out of bed put on his shoes and promised he would be back soon with food.
As soon as he was out of the room I heard a soft thud come from the window, as Pepper made his way over to the bed to join me. I knew Pepper didn't like Roman because he would never come onto the bed when Roman was in the room, not that Roman would let him anyway.
As soon as Pepper settled down next to me in bed his rhythmic purring started vibrating his chest, soothing me in a way that only pets can. I reached out to scratch him behind the ear, his purring intensified filling the room.
"What am I going to do with you Pep?" I spoke to him like I always did, knowing that he would never actually reply.
I knew Pepper hated it here in the Main House, I guessed it was something to do with the wolves roaming around that putting him on edge, he never strayed far from this room always sat on the window sill unless it was to use the bathroom then it was a quick in and out.
Pepper always loved to explore and it was killing me to see him stuck in here even if this room was the size of the entire downstairs area of my old house.
Before I had any time to dwell on what I knew had to happen, I heard the bedroom door click open and Roman walked in. Causing Pepper to launch himself from the bed and gracefully ended back on the window sill. At least him had stopped hissing at Roman which was a plus.
I turned my attention to Roman expecting to get an earful for allowing Pepper on the bed, but nothing came. Instead he made his way over to the bed two plates of food in his hands.
"Two?" I questioned. I knew he liked it when i ate but that was ridiculous especially when I didn't feel like eating at all.
"You think I was going to let you eat up here alone?" Roman stated a sweet almost shy smile gracing his beautiful face.
I just smiled back at him my heart warming a little. I really did not deserve this man, he just got me in ways that I don't even get myself.
I shuffled over in bed in a silent invite for him to rejoin me. Setting a plate of food down in my lap he kicked his shoes back off and got in, making sure I was settled before he started eating.
We ate in silence for a while, but I knew from the atmosphere in the room that Roman wanted to bring today up again. Although I already had a feeling he would have gotten the run down from Drake already so I don't know why he'd want me make me relive it. Maybe he just wanted to know why I reacted the way I did.
I didn't offer up any explanations, if he wanted to know he would have to ask. Which of course he did, but to his credit we had almost finished eating before he spoke up.
"So..are you ready to talk about today?" he asked softly clearly taking into consideration my fragile state.
"As if Drake hasn't already told you Roman, why don't just asks specifics, I really can't go through it from start to finish, I don't think I have it in me" I admitted my voice cracking at the sheer thought of talking about it already.
"Drake hasn't told me anything Emma, and trust me I've tried. What he didn't tell however is that he was getting the car and then when he came back to pick you up you were upset. But don't worry I have already assigned him a punishment for letting you out of his sight" Roman stated firmly clearly still annoyed at what Drake had told him.
Confusion filled me but I tried my best to hide it so my face wouldn't give it away. Why had Drake lied to Roman? Drake was stood right behind me when the entire thing went down. He would have heard everything. Surely there must be a reason, Drake worships Roman, as does all of his pack members.
I had to get to Drake, I wanted to find out why he hadn't told Roman what had happened. I also needed to get him out of this punishment, because he did not deserve whatever Roman had assigned him which I already knew wouldn't be something small.
My stomach lurched as I thought of another friend hurt because of me. I was an awful person. I let me friends down, I've let Pepper down, I let my parents down I would also no doubt let Roman down I just couldn't take it anymore.
Before I knew what my body was doing I had sent the plate that was on my lap crashing to the floor and I was out of bed heading to the door. I could hear Romans voice, but it was more like an echo inside my head, as if he was screaming at me from under the water. My brain sent the signal to my legs without my permission, and before I could catch up I was gone.
❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆ ❆
Hi all!
I hope you all enjoyed the latest chapter.
Why do you think Drake didn't tell Roman the truth?
Do you think Emma is over reacting?
There is also something I just wanted to talk about with you all and that is I have recently gotten back into reading!!
I used to be able to read a book a day easily but a couple of things happened about 5/6 years ago that just took my out of the correct head space for it and I lost the hobby that I loved the most. The most depressing day was packing away all my books.
During lockdown I found myself getting back into it and now I can't believe I ever stopped.
One of my new year resolutions was to get back into reading to rediscover my love of it. So of course I bought a new book shelf and pulled all my books out of storage.
I have started an Instagram account so that I can share and review the books that I read and enjoy.
My favourite genre if you couldn't guess from my own story is Fantasy, YA and New Adult, and I don't think you would be this deep into my book if you didn't love that also!
So please feel free to head on over to insta and follow my account @readingwithshelley it would mean the world to me.
I would love to speak to you all ♥️
Don't forget to heart, comment and follow
Until next time,
S.Snow