Alexis POV
Once we walked into Vanessa's apartment, she instantly guided me towards her couch.
"Lay down, I will bring you some water," she told me while handing me a puffy blanket.
"Vanessa," I called, but she ignored me and brought a pillow from what I assume was her bedroom. I rolled my eyes and reached for her hand. She finally paused. "I'm fine, please," I begged for her to calm down.
She was clearly fighting with herself but finally complied by making an adorable pout. I smirked at that, but before I could say anything Amira has jumped on me.
"Mira! Alexis has to rest, please calm down," Vanessa scolded her daughter, pointing for her to get down.
"Sorry, Amira... Just a b-b-bit tired," I told the girl, who couldn't hide a disappointment on her face.
Vanessa took the girl to her bedroom saying something about changing into more comfortable attire. I looked at my boss who stood in the kitchen ordering food through her phone.
I think it only just hit me, that I was in Ms. Jones apartment. God, it felt weird to call her that... Whenever we were out of the school grounds, I kept forgetting she was my teacher. What a mess...
Leaning against the sofa I partially covered myself with a blanket, thinking about earlier.
My childhood was something I strongly repressed in my memory, but it could be triggered back, by certain images or situations. In this case, I assume for a second there I felt as if... I was a part of what I always wanted – A family.
Now that the image of my mother has refreshed itself in my head, I couldn't help but think about her. How awful she looked, how she treated me... but most importantly, what she made of me. An alcoholic, junkie, disgusting addict, who lets their kids do that? I hope she would remain in jail till her end because she deserved nothing less for creating me, a stuttering child.
"Hey..."
"I s-should really stop sp-spacing out, s-sorry," I said to my boss who sat by my side.
She gave me a side smile and nudged me with her shoulder. "It's alright, just remember to ask if you want to go to the hospital or back home," she informed with a serious tone.
I gave her a reassuring nod.
"Well food should be here soon, let's watch something," she reached for the remote and turned the TV on. As much as I wanted to be respectful and not invade Vanessa's privacy, my curiosity took over and eyes began to wander around the apartment.
It was a modern-looking place, with a nice small kitchen connected to the living room, two doors on the side that I assume led to girls' bedrooms, and a white door, which was probably the bathroom. The flat itself wasn't large, but the spacious living room really did the job, especially with a beautiful white dining table at the back right next to a wide window.
What's caught my attention however was the neatness Vanessa managed to keep while having a child. She sure wasn't lying about being a bit of a cleaning freak.
As my eyes mindlessly looked around, my heart skipped when they landed on Vanessa who just came out of her room. A second - That's how long our eye contact lasted. Who knew it was enough to make me feel nervous.
"Finally," Ann remarked. "I ordered pasta, they should be here-" she didn't finish as her phone rang loudly. "Yay, I will go get it!" she rushed out of the door.
I subtly checked Vanessa out, she had her hair tied in a long ponytail. It was the first time when I saw her with her hair up, she looked stunning.
She cleared her throat causing me to jump. Embarrassment most likely displayed on my warm cheeks.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, ignoring my creepiness, which I was grateful for.
"Better," I lied. I felt like a mess.
She scoffed and instructed me to get up. I obeyed almost instantly by standing right in front of the taller woman. She sure intimidated the hell out of me.
"Rule number one," her cold fingertips sliding down my cheek tracing onto my neck, and finally stopping at my collarbone. Her eyes focused on mine, she was like an unreadable book, her mask on, knowing well enough how much I disliked it. "No lies," it wasn't a request, but a demand.
Sometimes I felt like... just as she has awoken something within me, I have done exactly the same to her.
I gulped when her fingers hovered over the scar on my neck. Eleven years old me really thought I could cut my throat with a razor... instead, I cut a layer of my skin off leaving a horrendous scar behind. My second failed attempt.
And let me tell you, I don't think I ever felt so happy and grateful for failing at something in my life.
"I didn't know... we had r-rules," I choked out, my heart beating with a thousand hits per second.
"That depends," she said with a stoic expression. "Can you stay away from me?"
Was she being serious? What kind of question was that...
I thought about it for a second but decided to be honest. "Since I c-c-cannot lie... No."
Her throaty low hum, giving me shivers. "Then we do have them. Starting now," she informed me as a matter-of-factly.
"I want t-to h-h-hear them," I informed, internally scolding myself for sounding so whiny. However, I really did want to know, too scared I was going to fuck it up otherwise.
She raised my chin with her slender index finger. "You will eventually," she assured sternly.
Not sure whether I understood correctly, I asked. "Are y-y-you allowing this?"
By 'this' she perfectly knew I meant the insufferable attraction between us.
Her perfect brows arched towards each other. "I cannot pretend any longer," she confessed. "However, I'm not an easy or a nice person, Alexis," she bit onto her bottom lip as if slightly worried I might reject her.
"I don't want y-you to be." I challenged our intense eye contact remaining.
"You might regret that later," she whispered sadly.
" What I will regret... is n-not t-trying." I urged, desperately wanting for her to understand. "I'm not a small g-girl Vanessa, I went th...through hell. I might appear innocent and l-l-lost, but I'm well aware of my actions and t-the consequences they carryover."
She muttered something under her nose before speaking up louder. "You are so beautiful inside and out... I don't want to be the one to taint that..." her eyes looking down with shame - She was struggling.
I frowned and sighed deeply, cupping both of her cheeks in my hands, making her look right at me. My forehead leaned against hers, it was the closest we've ever been, with only mere inches separating our lips.
"Please do," I practically begged.
I could see her bright eyes became gloomier by the second, her hand slowly, but skilfully sliding under my sweater and resting itself on my naked side. My body catching ablaze, she made me feel so fucking horny. Something I've never felt before...
So, pleasing, but frustrating at the same time. What a heavenly nightmare.
"Hey, guys I got the food!" Ann exclaimed as she loudly pushed the door open.
We jumped away from each other as if the broken spell brought us back to her apartment. I was breathing heavily and honestly, I had to get out.
Grabbing my coat and yelped a quick 'bye' and pushed through Ann who stood confused at the front door.
"Alexis?!" she called behind me, but I didn't stop.
I just needed a break because it almost felt like a dream, and I was terrified of the idea of waking up... Walking through the town I went towards the main street preferring to avoid dark creepy allies between the buildings.
"Fuck, shit, holy f-f-fucking shit..." I swore to myself trying to process the entire evening. I was so confused. Was this just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing? It sure didn't seem that way, she introduced the rules, and I could already imagine one of them was going to be nothing inappropriate while she's my teacher, but shit! I was so ready for her to do something... anything she wanted really.
I groaned thinking about poor Amira who was in her room. I was so going to hell...
I tightly squeezed my coat in a place of my heart, that has only just begun to slow down. Vanessa Jones was going to be a death of me, that was certain. Needing some time of my own I sat on the bench in front of the institute, observing the cold air escaping my mouth.
I took my phone out of my pocket along with my earphones, which I carefully placed in my ears. Scrolling through my playlists I chose something I could vibe to for a minute or two.
I turned the volume up to max and threw my head back looking onto the dark cloudy sky and a full moon that occasionally peeked through.
I repeated the lyrics in my head whispering them out loud into the empty street.
Looking ahead I saw Mason coming my way, he wore his baggy jumper and sweatpants, clearly coming straight from his bed. Once he sat next to me I placed one of my earphones in his ear. We listened to the song in complete silence, enjoying the night sky.
When the song has ended I turned my phone off and thought for a second before blurting out. "I'm in love."
"Just..." he said quietly. "Make sure she's worth the pain."
I scoffed sarcastically. "T-t-to be honest, I don't think... I've g-got anything to say. I never had as little c-control as I do now - I need her," I confessed.
Mason gave me one of his sympathetic smiles, "I don't know how that feels like but, just be careful. Please sister."
I chewed on my bottom lip, Mason only called me his 'sister' when he was being awfully serious.
"D-don't worry brother... My heart is already broken, she's only p-p-putting it back together," I smiled at the thought of Vannessa, already missing her terribly.
Daisy and Sam were aware of a special bond Mason and I had, they didn't mind that we haven't called them 'sister' or 'brother', they knew they were a family nevertheless.
I believe our connection was due to our personalities working so well together, we were both very calm and composed, but also... it all began with our friendship.
The first time I entered the institute I was in horrible shape, unable to speak for months, fighting with alcohol addiction at such a young age. I didn't even like to think about those times, but there was some good too. I will never forget the first words I spoke to Mason when I found him in the kitchen storage room crying behind the counter, with a knife dangerously close to his wrist.
"Kill m-m-mm-me first"
What scares me the most was... I really meant it. Ironically, I didn't even plan to save his life, but on that day he decided to save mine. Since then he took care of me, became my friend, and encouragement to keep on pushing, on the same time unintentionally I became his.
"What number are y-y-you now?" I felt awful for paying him so little attention as of late, not remembering when was the last time I even checked on him.
He put his hands in his jumper pocket and let out a heavy sigh.
"Somewhere between two and three. More of a two, tho."
The number system was something we came up with when we were about twelve years old. One was 'okay', two 'I'm bothered', three 'I'm hurting' and five - because there was no four - was 'help'.
"Is t-there anything I can d-do?" I asked. I wasn't too worried as two was his usual number.
He gave me a smile and shook his head. "No. Just... be happy. Sometimes I feel like I can somehow understand what it feels like when I see you experiencing it. If it makes any sense..." he chuckled softly.
"It does," I whispered enchanted by the stars in the sky. "You w-w-will feel it too, one day."
There was nothing I wished for more than him to feel happiness. Depression was like cancer to your soul, taking everything from you without mercy. The helplessness I felt with my inability to help him was heaving onto me, more and more every day.
"I heard you are going to a party tomorrow," he surprised me, I didn't want him to know.
"Daisy?"
He nodded, "Are you sure it's a good idea?"
It's not like I wanted to go, but I didn't want to be rude to Caroline especially after she was such a good friend. "I be f-fine," I assured. I was planning to stay with her an entire time.
"Come on, let's g-g-go inside," I got up and took his hand leaving him no choice but to follow.
I'm sure it was going to be fine.
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A/N: Real serious now... is she ever going to eat that dinner ??? 🤦🏻♀️😩 I know I wrote it but it's actually bothering me 😦