"It's okay Charlie, everything is going to turn out okay" Jodie said as she put a comforting kiss on my head rubbing my back slowly.
"Jodie there is so much that I need to tell someone. I haven't even told my own parents the half of it. Everyone in my life only knows bits and pieces" I said pulling away from her as I wiped at my red eyes.
"You can tell me anything you want, the whole thing, part of it, whatever you want to tell me" she smiled as she took a sip of her wine.
"I feel like you already know the most of it" I laughed.
"Let's just say I'm pretty sure I know who it has to deal with" she laughed giving me an understanding look.
"Okay well where do I start?" I laughed.
"Wherever you feel comfortable" she said as she brought one leg up underneath her on the couch and leaned back into the plush ruby pillows.
"Austin and I kind of dated while I was here a year and a half ago. We both just had to know what it would be like if we were, you know with each other. It was great, he was everything I thought he would be in a relationship. I guess you can say it wasn't much different than how we were before I got here except we were together in person and we you know" I said feeling my face flush red as I let her know her stepson and I had sex, several of which were under her roof.
"I kind of figured that... all of it" she said looking at me with a knowing smile.
"Well now that that part is out of the way the rest will be a little easier to tell" I laughed, taking a sip of my wine as I got over one of the biggest hurdles.
"Don't be ashamed honey, Rich and I knew it was bound to happen. You guys have been friends your whole lives it was only a matter of time before you tried to get intimate with each other. Just tell me one thing" she laughed.
"You really want to get into detail about me and Austin's sex life" I laughed feeling more comfortable talking to her about all of this.
"Just this one question, was he a gentlemen Charlie?" she asked raising her eyebrows.
"Yes Jodie, he was absolutely a gentlemen. He always is you never have to worry about that" I laughed, recalling how a gentlemen probably wouldn't get off to another girl when he was dating someone else, but that was for later on in the story.
"Good" she said with a satisfied head nod.
"Anyway the whole weekend was amazing and then I got the stupid idea that it would be great if I told him that I loved him, and that I've loved him for years. And more than a friend love him like love him love him" I said glancing over towards her.
"Of course you do Charlie, anyone with eyes can see how much you are in love with Austin. I think even he knew before you told him. But what did he say?" she asked me excitedly.
I looked down at the pillow that I was holding firmly in my lap as I let the words fall out of my mouth as I slowly lifted up my head to look at her.
"Nothing, he said nothing" I said feeling the familiar feeling that my tears were about to escape from my eyes at any minute.
"Austin said nothing. He didn't tell you he loves you back, he didn't say thank you he just said nothing?" she asked with a skeptical tone to her voice.
"That's correct" I said looking at her sadly.
"Charlie, I'm so sorry. I know he loves you it shows in how he cares for you and how he kept in contact with you all of these years. Austin isn't the type of guy to just hook up with a girl, he has to have feelings for you to do that Charlie" she said surprising me with how well she actually knew her stepson.
"Well maybe he felt something, but it definitely wasn't enough to tell me he loved me, but I guess it was enough for him to ask me to wait for him. I still remember it clear as day, he looked me in the eyes and said would you wait for me? If I don't make it and I come back, fuck even if I do make it and ask you to come out to LA, would you be willing to pick up where we left off?" I laughed as I let the words roll right off my tongue as if he just said them to me yesterday.
"He asked you to do that for him, but he couldn't tell you that he loved you? That's not the Austin I know" she said raising an eyebrow.
"That's what I thought too, but I told him yes that I would wait for him because I love him so much Jodie. If he were to text me right now and ask me to move out to LA with him, I would get my ass back to Syracuse as fast as I could to pack my shit and run into his arms" I laughed thinking of how desperate I sounded.
"Well how have things been going for the two of you since he has moved out there? Have you been keeping in touch?" she asked leaning her head on her hand.
"We have, but not like we used to. It used to be everyday and now I am lucky if I get two times a week" I smiled shyly.
"Did you tell him that?" she asked me.
"No, I can't. He's got his career to focus on now. I can't come in and cross my arms over my chest and pound my feet like a toddler because he isn't talking to me everyday. I'll just take what I can get from here on out" I laughed.
"And how have your conversations been?" she asked.
"They were going really well, I was actually getting my hopes up that we were going to be together again soon. He was talking to me as if we were still in our relationship, we were doing things every now and then as if we were still in a relationship. Things were going perfect. I was happy thinking that I had a happy ending" I smiled weakly.
"But.." Jodie said.
"He had a fucking girlfriend the whole time Jodie. He hid it from me and then when I found out about her he lied to me and told me that they were only together for 4 months when they were really together since February and he led me on to believe that he wanted to continue where we left off. And to add the cherry to the top, he confessed to the whole world that it was love at first sight as soon as he saw her, when I have wanted nothing more in the last five years than to hear him say that to me" I said loosing control of all of my emotions as I broke down in front of her.
"Oh Charlie honey come here" she said as she moved herself closer to me on the couch and wrapped me in a hug.
"Why am I not good enough for him Jodie?" I sobbed into her chest.
"Charlotte honey don't think like that. I don't know what is going on with Austin right now but I think he is so confused with every aspect of his life. This is all happening so fast for him and I just don't think he knows how to handle it. I'm not making excuses for him because this does not sound like him but I'm just trying to see if I can make it seem better" she said as she pulled away from me.
"I mean it's fine. My mind is made up. I will always be here waiting for him. He will always have my heart and I will always love no one but him" I said to her as I let the tears fall down my cheeks not even caring to wipe them away.
"No Charlie, don't do that to yourself honey. You are far to beautiful to sit around and wait for him to open his eyes to the truth that he knows" she said.
"You sound just like him when I told him that, but there is something else that only my parents and Casey know" I laughed as I grabbed my phone out of my back pocket and handed it to her.
She looked at me with confusion in her eyes as I finished off my glass of wine.
"Hit the home button" I smiled.
"What a beautiful little boy Charlie! He looks just like..." she stopped herself and swallowed as she looked up at me with eyes wide.
"Grandma Jodie, meet your grandson Austin Oliver Roman" I said a mix of happy and sad tears falling down my face.
"Charlotte honey he is beautiful. How old?" she asked.
"18 months" I smiled warmly.
She handed me back my phone as she reached out and finished off her wine before sitting back in the couch and looking at me.
"That would definitely be a result to your weekend here in Texas" she laughed.
"Yes. Jodie I am so so sorry that I haven't told you. That is why I didn't come to Dallas. I was pregnant with little Austin and staying home just seemed like the better choice" I said crying.
"Can I see him again?" she asked with a smile.
"Yes of course" I smiled as I pulled up the folder of photos I had of him saved on my phone.
She was silent as she swiped through them, smiles pulling at her face as she witnessed her Grandson grow up before her eyes in pictures.
"Charlie he looks so much like Austin, there is no denying that this is his son. Does he know? How did he take it?" she asked happily as she handed my phone back to me.
"Uhm, I haven't told him Jodie" I said looking down at the ground.
"What? How come? He would be so happy" she said looking over at me with confusion seeping through her eyes.
"I just got into this argument this morning with Casey. I can't tell him for so many reasons Jodie. He is just starting to make it and is starting to live his dream, he doesn't need to know that he has an 18 month home. I don't want him to feel obligated to be with me, I want him to do it on his own and I feel like if I tell him that we have a baby that is exactly what will happen. He will feel obligated to be with me and potentially be unhappy and unfaithful for the rest of his life" I said looking over at her.
"Charlotte I get all of that, I really do. But it's his son honey. He deserves to know that he exists" she said giving me the motherly scorn.
I unlocked my phone and scrolled through the pictures of little Austin as I let Jodie's words was over me.
"Put yourself in his shoes Charlie. How would you feel if you had a son that everyone else knew about but you. If you don't tell him, this could have the potential to ruin your friendship and forget about him ever loving you after that" she said.
Her words seemed harsh but I knew that they were true. Hearing it coming from Jodie and not from Casey or my friends back home just made it sit different with me. Austin deserved to know about his son and I was going to tell him tonight.
"Your right Jodie, he does deserve to know. I have to call him tonight and I'll let him know then" I said with a smile.
"Let him know what?" Rich said as he walked into the living room.
"Rich you need to sit down, Charlie has something to tell you" she said with a smile.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and hit the home button as I handed it off to rich with a smile.
"Austin wouldn't like that you are flaunting his baby picture all over Charlie" he laughed as he looked up at me.
"That's okay because it isn't him. Rich, that's your Grandson. His name is Austin Oliver Roman and he is 18 months old" I said looking down at him.
"My Grandson!? Charlie that is fantastic news! What did Austin say when you told him?" he asked me excitedly.
"She hasn't done that yet Rich, and before you have a talk with her I already did and she said she is going to tell him tonight" Jodie said walking up behind me and putting her arm around me.
"You might as well start calling me Dad now honey, Austin is going to be so excited" he said excitedly as he stood up and wrapped me in a huge hug.
"I hope so guys I really hope so" I said as I followed them into their huge modern country kitchen to join them for the Sunday dinner I promised them years ago.
---------
"Thank you guys so much, dinner was amazing and it was so nice to see you again" I said as I got myself out of the car at Casey's.
"It was a pleasure honey, please send us pictures of our beautiful Grand baby" Jodie said with a smile.
"Absolutely, thank you guys so much again" I said as I walked down the long wooden staircase to Casey's boat house.
I walked inside to find it empty and realized that the boat was missing. Once I told Casey that Rich and Jodie were going to give me a ride home her and Mark must've decided to go for a nighttime ride around the lake, that was one of their favorite things to do. I counted myself lucky however, because I really wanted this conversation with Austin to be in private.
I walked into the large guest bedroom and flopped down on the bed as I pulled my phone out to call Austin. It rang several times before I heard him pick up sounding slightly out of breath.
"Uh hey Charlie give me one minute okay bro?" he said into the phone.
I rolled my eyes instantly pissed off that he has yet to tell whatever her name was about me when I heard him talking to her quietly.
"Sorry baby I have to take this, I'll be back in a minute" he said as it sounded like he placed a kiss on her lips.
"Did I interrupt something? I can call back" I said sadly.
"Uh no it's okay we need to talk and I can't keep pushing it off" he said as it sounded like he pushed open a sliding door and stepped outside.
My heart instantly dropped at his words, whenever anyone said they needed to talk it was never a good outcome.
"So how were Jodie and Dad? They just called a few minutes ago, they seemed so happy you came to see them" he said lighting a cigarette.
"Yeah I bet they were. Listen Austin I have something to tell you" I said.
"Me first Charlie. I just wanted to apologize for everything I've put you through. I've caused you so much pain since I left and I never in my life intended to do that. You are an amazing girl Charlie and I'm so lucky to have you in my life. But, I think we need to just stay friends" he said quietly, trailing the last part off slowly.
I felt a lump rise in my throat at his words as I struggled to keep my tears buried away. This wasn't how this call was supposed to go, this was supposed to be a happy life changing phone call.
"Oh uh yeah. I mean you have a girlfriend and everything now so that would make sense" I said biting my lip hard.
"It's just what we were doing wasn't fair to anyone involved and we can't keep doing that. I know it was never intended to happen, and I can't keep up this love triangle" he said.
I took in a deep breath as I felt anger wash over my whole body at the fact that he was playing the victim here when in reality he didn't have a fucking problem doing what we were doing and now all of a sudden it wasn't fair and he decided to pick her over me.
"So you decided fuck Charlie right? Let's not even give her and I a fighting change. Let me just stick with her because she's here. I get it" I said hating the fact that I was letting my anger get the best of me.
"Charlie please don't do this. I'm not telling you that you can't be in my life anymore, fuck I need you in my life. I'm just saying I can't be with both of you in that way" he said quietly.
"Fine just remember you chose this and not me Austin. You said you were sorry for causing me so much pain, well thanks for causing me the biggest pain I have ever felt. Thanks for just ripping out my heart and running it over." I said starting to cry.
"Charlie please don't be like that" he said.
"Are you fucking serious Austin?! Don't be like that? How am I not supposed to be like that when you chose a girl you met 7 months ago over me? I guess our conversation last night meant nothing.
"Charlie I'm so sorry. Please tell me that you will forgive me and we can be like we were before" he said sadly.
"Oh I'll forgive you Austin just like I always fucking forgive you but it's going to take some time. And as far as how we were before, kiss those days goodbye Austin. I'll be here for you, I'll support you, I'll care for you and I'll still fucking love you like a fucking idiot; but things won't be like they were before for a while" I said now more angry then sad.
"Charlie?" he asked me.
"Yeah" I said flatly.
"What did you have to tell me" he said.
"Don't fucking worry about it now Austin, what I had to tell you definitely won't change anything now, it just confirms that what I fucking thought would happen would be right since you already chose her, so don't you worry your precious head over it. You better get back to your girlfriend before she comes out and finds out I'm not really a man. You're becoming a pro at quickly keeping secrets like the rest of the LA elite, fitting right into this rockstar life no problem. Have a good night Austin, thank you for everything and good luck" I said as I hung up the phone before he even had a chance to say goodbye and sobbed uncontrollably into the pillow.