Austin's POV
I hung the phone up with Casey and threw it on the table. I hated myself more than anything for doing what I was doing to her. I tried to tell her tonight how much I loved her, but I ended up fucking talking around it like an asshole instead of just saying what I needed to tell her....Charlie I love you so much too.
I hated talking to Casey sometimes because most of the time she was right. If I told Charlie I loved her that would be almost like end game for me. Charlie wasn't the person I needed to be dating right now, she's the person you end up with after you've had all your fun.
There's nothing wrong with being that girl, but I can't drag a person like Charlie through this crazy life I was just starting to live, I wanted her to be there when I've had enough and wanted to return to normal. Casey was right, Charlie was real and she was permanent and that's exactly why I couldn't tell her I loved her.
I didn't intend to fuck with her and shatter her heart into a million pieces, that was the last fucking thing I wanted to do. All I knew was if I couldn't tell Charlie I loved her, at least not right now, I had to at least save our friendship because one thing was absolutely certain...I didn't want her out of my life. I just needed her out of my head in a relationship way until I knew I was ready to devote my time to her and to her only.
"Hey baby, you almost ready?" Ashlen asked as she came walking up to me.
Her hair was hanging long down her back, her makeup done perfectly. She wore a short form fitting black dress with over the knee heeled black boots and a black leather cropped jacket over her shoulders.
I bit my lip as I ran my hands slowly up her sides before bringing them back down to rest on her full ass and giving it a small squeeze. I pulled her dress up around her hips before pulling her down into my lap a sexy smile forming on her lips as she lazily wrapped her hands around my neck.
"You look fucking gorgeous baby" I said as I pressed my lips against her neck, becoming intoxicated by the smell of her perfume.
"Austin baby, we'll have to be quick" she said quietly as she tilted her head back.
I let out a stifled moan of agreement as Charlie started to slowly drift from my mind as I thought of fucking Ashlen hard right on my living room couch.
"We'll be quick, but your going to learn to do it how I want it baby" I said to her as I tilted her head down to look at me.
Her eyes were wide as she swallowed hard at my words. I smirked a little thinking how I could make her be just like Charlie, gradually getting her to get me to the ending Charlie always gave me that I needed instead of the ending I was getting.
"Don't be nervous baby girl, your going to love it to I promise" I said pushing my lips against hers as I tangled my hands in her hair.
I ran my hand up the inside of her smooth thigh, pushing her panties off to the side as I ran my fingers through her semi wet folds.
"First, you need to learn to get this little pussy wet to the sound of my voice baby" I whispered in her ear as I instantly started thinking about how wet Charlie would get as soon as I called her baby.
"Austin" she moaned out as I felt her wetness start to seep out of her at my voice.
"Just like that baby girl" I said quietly as my fingers easily started to slide through he folds before I slid two fingers into her tight center.
"Oh shit" she moaned out.
"See baby, it's so much better when you let me play first" I said connecting my lips with her neck as she started quietly moan.
"Austin baby shit" she said quietly.
"Second, I need to hear those beautiful moans baby, don't be ashamed to let me know I'm making you feel good" I said as I kissed down her neck as Charlie's beautiful moans started to fill my head. At this point I wasn't sure if it was Ash or Charlie turning me on.
I curled my fingers inside of her as I moved to find her g-spot, smirking against her collarbone as I heard her breath catch in her throat as she started squirming against me.
"Damn it Austin" she moaned out, a little louder than normal.
"Tell me what you want baby" I said pulling away from her as I rested my head against the back of the couch to take in her expression.
"I can't Austin" she said as she brought her eyes down to look at me, her face a bright shade of pink as she bit her lip.
Charlie never had a problem letting me know I was pleasing her or telling me exactly how she wanted it and what she wanted me to do. I needed that from Ashlen and I'd have to work on it.
"Yes you can baby, tell me what you want don't be shy" I smirked as I put my thumb and index finger under her chin pulling her face down to look at me.
"Tell me baby" I said.
"You I want you" she said closing her eyes no doubt feeling embarrassed in telling me.
"More baby, don't be shy" I coaxed her.
"I want you inside me baby" she said quietly.
"Good girl, keep going" I said to her, not forcing her to get more in depth but letting her know it was okay to as I let her get comfortable with it.
I reached down and unzipped my pants pulling out my hardened length as I started roughly palming myself. If she was embarrassed telling me she wanted me, I couldn't make her play with me just yet.
"Do you want this dick baby?" I asked her as I started littering her collarbone with several kisses.
"Yes" she moaned out.
"Yes what baby" I said to her with a smirk.
She swallowed hard as she looked down at me, her eyes roaming my face nervously.
"Don't be shy baby girl, I'm not going to laugh. If anything it's going to turn me the fuck on" I said as my eyes danced with hers before I melted our lips together, slowly sliding my fingers back inside of her as I began working her slowly.
"Baby please, I need you" she whined out.
I stopped in my tracks as my mind immediately raced back to Charlie, as she shamelessly moaned out her need for me right before I asked her to soak my dick, the very last time I had sex with the woman I really loved.
"Fuck Ash" I said, instantly hoping the right name slid off my lips.
I was going to lift her up to sit on my dick and ride the shit out of me just like Charlie had done, but I quickly remembered it wasn't Charlie as I got her on all fours standing behind her.
I lined up my dick and pounded inside of her hard, as Charlie's beautiful face flooded my mind, not even thinking about Ash and how she hated it rough.
"Shit Ash I'm going to cum" I moaned as I kept up my steady hard rhythm.
"Please baby" she said in a half ass moan, making me chuckle knowing she wasn't enjoying it but at this point I needed to finish.
My mind raced to Charlie as I pictured her on her hands and knees on my couch, moaning out with each thrust I made inside of her as she shamelessly told me she was going to soak my dick with her cum.
I felt my orgasm course through my body as I so badly wanted to fill the girl in front of me with my cum, but she wasn't Charlie and I couldn't do that.
"Shit Ash" I said as I pulled out of her and flipped her around, my hand roughly working at my throbbing dick as I pulled the front of her dress down and came all over her tits.
I pushed myself up off of her when I was done, pulling my shirt over my head to wipe off my dick and fixing myself in my jeans. I sat down and pulled her so she was laying in my lap, using my shirt to clean her off as I pressed my lips against hers.
"Austin, I'll try baby" she said looking up at me with a cute smile.
"Your great baby, you just don't have to be shy with me. Don't be afraid to tell me what you want both during sex and whenever we aren't having sex" I smiled at her pushing some hair out of her face.
"Okay Austin" she smiled as I helped her sit up so she could fix her dress.
"I'm going to go get a new shirt and then we will leave." I said as I started to walk away.
"We should've left 15 minutes ago, we're already late" she laughed.
"We aren't late Ash, it's my gig they can't start without me" I smirked as I walked into our room.
I walked into my large walk in closet and hit the wall letting out a quiet string of profanities. I needed to figure this shit out and soon. I couldn't be with my fucking girlfriend without thinking of Charlie and I couldn't be with Charlie because she was real and I was afraid of fucking us up forever if we got together right now.
I quickly gathered my thoughts as I pulled a Metallica shirt from my drawer and slid it over my head before walking back out to meet Ash.
"You ready rockstar?" she asked as she grabbed my hand and led me out to the car.
"As I'll fucking ever be" I laughed giving her a quick kiss.
————————
"Baby that was fucking amazing! Your getting so good at this" Ashlen said as she wrapped her arms around my sweaty body and meshed her lips with mine.
"Thanks baby" I smiled down at her.
"So what's Dre got planned for us?" she asked as she laced her fingers with mine.
"The club of course Ash" Dre said coming up and wrapping his arms around her.
"Woah woah woah, hands off my woman" I said playfully as I pushed Dre off of her.
"Your woman huh baby" she said, wrapping her other arm around my waist bringing herself to be standing in front of me.
I looked down at her as I bit my lip, my hands snaking low around her waist as I pulled her close.
"Yeah baby, my woman" I said.
She pressed her lips to mine, her tongue immediately finding mine as we shared a sweet kiss. She pulled away from me with a smile as she walked off with Dre and Jay.
"You coming baby?" she said turning around with a laugh.
"Yeah, I'll be right there" I said as I quickly pulled out my phone to text Charlie.
Austin
hey charlie i know ur still mad at me but can we please talk soon.
I sent out the quick text and closed my eyes. Somewhere between my house and the show I made up my mind that Ashlen was the girl I wanted to focus my attention on and the thought of pushing Charlie away in that way broke my heart, but I had to do it. I couldn't keep leading her on like I was, it wasn't fair to her, to Ashlen or to me.
I quickly slid through some pictures of Charlie and I in Texas a year and a half ago as a small smile formed on my lips as I let out the words I never got the courage to say for my own selfish reasons.
I love you Charlotte Roman I love you so much I always have and I always will no matter who I'm with. You'll always be the girl for me.
I felt a tear slide out of my eye as I quickly wiped it away as I headed out to the girl I decided was going to have my heart...at least for now.