“So you followed it on your own?” I criticized Derek after he told me that he followed the Kanima last night.
“Yes.”
“Well what happened?”
“Nothing. We fought, the Argents showed up, I backed off than followed it again to a gay club where I slashed its throat, but didn’t kill it.”
“It went to a gay club?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“You know I can hear your heart beat jump when you lie right?”
Derek just looked at me for a while then changed the subject. “Come on we’re here to learn control.”
“Shouldn’t the others be here as well? I mean the full moon is coming.”
“Yes, but they don’t have a week off.”
“This week’s going to be painful, isn’t it?” I said, already knowing the answer.
“The only way you have been able to shift back is by pain so you need to control that and find something that will allow you to shift without it.”
“Like what? I’ve tried everything, but it just seems to make me angrier.”
“Then you need to find something or someone that calms you.” For some reason Derek hesitated over someone. I let the wolf take over for a second so I could transform. “Okay now take deep breaths and think of something calming and meaningful.” Derek said.
I thought of my dad, Scott, Stiles and left my mum for last. Which was a mistake. I loved my mum, I did, but the accident only just happened and it made me mad. Mad at myself this time. I started thinking that I should have gone out sooner and looked for her that maybe the reason she left the house was because she was scared out of her mind at what I was, at what she sore. My breathing became heavy and Derek’s words to stay calm kept getting pushed back further and further into my mind until I snapped.
I could see Derek reach out his arm to try and calm me down, but I grabbed it and threw him against the ground. He jumped back up, but just as his feet touched the ground I spun around and kicked him in the stomach.
When he looked back up at me he’d shifted, running straight for me he lunged and knocked me to the ground, pinning me down with his body weight. Struggling was useless, he was the alpha after all.
“Anna, calm down.” He said as he shifted back into human form. I tried to wriggle free again, but again failed. “Look at me!” he yelled which snapped me out of my freak attack and caused me to look into his eyes. “Breathe.” I started to take deep breaths never once averting my gaze until finally I felt my canines and nails retract and that very familiar cool sensations return to my eyes.
“What was that?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“That was you losing control.”
I closed my eyes for a few seconds and as if he only just realised he was still on top of me Derek slowly began to sit up. I lay still for a few more seconds until he asked, “What were you thinking about?”
“I started to think about my dad and Stiles and Scott and it was working, but then I thought of my mum and the accident and how if I had been home or if I didn’t shift in front of her it never would have happened.”
“You shouldn’t blame yourself, it wasn’t your fault.” This made me sit up and I don’t know why I said it, but it just came out.
“You blame yourself though don’t you?”
“What?”
“Your family, your anchor isn’t just anger towards the hunters its anger towards yourself.”
Derek looked at me speechless then looked at the ground. He didn’t say anything for what seemed like eternity. “It was my fault.”
“How?”
He snapped his gaze back up at me. “The hunter that organised the fire, Kate Argent, I told her that my family were at home. I didn’t know what she was planning we were just talking, but…” he stopped.
“That’s why you always have your guard up isn’t it? Why you don’t let anyone in. Even your own pack.” It was silent for a while longer.
“Training
Training‘s over. You can go.” Derek said and stood up and left.