"Tell me about Power."
I smirked and looked down at her as she laid back against my chest while swirling her hands around in the bubble bath suds. "You know I'm not suppose to." Her hands stopped and she looked up at me with a knowing smile. "But I guess I can make an exception huh?"
"Yes." She mumbled and looked back forward. "Because you love me."
I hummed with a nod. Love was an understatement. "Well, my characters name is Scratch, it's a nickname but it's what I go by. I'm a DJ at the nightclub but also a drug dealer." She let out an 'Ooh' and I chuckled. "Yeah I know. Anyways, I end up going head to head with Tariq, you know, ghosts son?" She nodded. "Yeah, because he's trying to control everything."
"Okay so I think he shot Ghost. Do you know who shot Ghost?" I pursed my lips and looked away from her as she turned to look at me again. "Baby tell me."
I shook my head. "I'm just a guest star, they wouldn't give me that information." She hummed suspiciously while turning back around. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I love you, Robyn." I whispered and she rested her head on my shoulder, a smile gracing her lips. "Please never forget that."
I had to tell her.
I just needed a little more time. Just a little more embraces and love and her. I would tell her.. I would. Just let me feel her for a moment.
"We still need to talk some more." She said softly and I nodded in agreement. "I want you to know I truly never did anything with Hassan, nor did I think about doing anything." Go ahead, dig my grave deeper.. "I just.. I wanted to distract myself. I kept telling myself I would tell you and then the next week came, then the next week, I was frustrated with myself for being a coward."
"Why'd you smile with him though?" That was one thing I still couldn't seem to grasp. "When he called or texted you, instantly you smiled or looked more interested. Why?"
"I wasn't smiling because of him." She said with a soft chuckle. "I was happy with the project. Whenever we talked, it was nothing but business. I was hurting but.. the thought of helping those little kids in Malawi gave me the happiness I needed."
I hummed and nodded in understanding. Well, that was it. On her end it was lack of communication and that's all. On mine.. a complete asshole. I had to tell her. "Robyn I-"
"Wait before you say anything," she turned around fully and scooted back some to give herself leg room, but grabbed my hands to remain closeness. "I want you to know that I love you, okay? And I trust you with my entire heart.. I'm sorry for making you doubt us."
Shit.
I closed my eyes and sighed softly. Why was she making this harder than it already was? She didn't know but every word that she said just gutted me more and more. How was I suppose to tell her without wanting to jump off the Empire State Building after?
"So.. we'll get through this." I reopened my eyes to see her smiling at me warmly. "Together."
I nodded and accepted her kiss, the feeling now burning internally. I really did fuck up, didn't I?
"This water gettin' kinda cold, you ready to get out?" I nodded silently again and watched her raise out of the bath before grabbing a towel and tucking it securely around her. "Oh, I pushed my flight back by the way." She said over her shoulder. "I'm not ready to leave you just yet."
I hope she keeps that same energy..
After I changed into some cozy clothes, I slid on my shoes, knowing there was something I had to take care of. "You hungry?" I asked while grabbing a beanie and she nodded immediately from her spot on the couch. "I'm gonna pick up some food from that place you love, okay? I'll be right back."
"Kiss?" She said and I leaned over the arm rest to press a kiss to her lips. "I love you." She whispered and I pulled back, our distance still close as she looked up at me with gleaming eyes. "You still love me?" She asked, as if I didn't just tell her.
"You know I do." I mumbled lowly. "Never stopped, never will."
She smiled. "Good."
I pushed back and grabbed my room key. "I'll be right back." I said again before leaving the room.
I felt less suffocated as soon as I stepped out but I knew it was only my mental guilt. God I feel terrible.
Starting down the hall, I tugged the gloves on to warm my hands but I almost felt like I deserved to be freezing. You wanted to be cold right? So be cold. That's what my mind was saying.
And I wholly agreed with my smart ass internal thoughts. But I didn't know. If I knew, I obviously wouldn't have made the idiotic decision to sleep around. But I didn't, how could I?
I was so sure she was cheating on me with Hassan, I was positive we would be ending. How the fuck did this happen?
Now I'm the asshole. I'm the one that's about to be begging not to get a divorce. Full circle shit huh?
Once I reached the door, I knocked softly and stepped back, waiting for her to open it. "One second!" Once it opened, her face lit up. "Hey.. back again?" She reached for my shirt and pulled me slightly, her face coming closer to kiss me up I pulled my head back. Something I should've been done. "What's wrong? Wait what happened to your nose?" She whispered with a frown and I looked down at my hands. "Y/n?"
"Robyn's here." I mumbled. When I raised my head, I saw confusion and shock swimming in her eyes. "She's in my room.. right now."
"Oh," she looked down and shook her head slightly. "I thought y'all was getting a divorce? You said you guys were done."
I nodded softly. "I know. I thought we were but," I sighed and shrugged. "I was wrong about everything. We talked and it was all just miscommunication."
A weak chuckle left her lips. "Well shit." I frowned when she took in a deep breath, her glow immediately diminishing. "That's um.. that's great for you. I'm happy you're able to get her back."
I stepped forward when she started closing the door. "Diamanté-"
"Y/n," she held her hand up. "You should be with your wife right now while you can. That's what matters. Not me."
"I'm not done." I said and her head tilted when I stepped back. "I'm leaving the tour. It's for the best, you know?" I didn't wanna say I saw heartbreak in her eyes but it was something. And even if we didn't have a relationship like that, it pained me. "I'm sorry if it ruins anything within the choreography but that's why we always have a backup, you know? So Mikey can-"
"I know who the replacement is, Y/n." She breathed out, her eyes firmly on the ground. "I got it. Good luck with everything. I mean that." Without another glance, the door shut.
I felt terrible.. again. But there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't be on tour with the same girl I cheated with and expect Robyn to trust me, let alone forgive me. I'm doing what I have to do even if it means hurting saweetie in the process.
-
"Just one bite." I shook my head with a grimace as Robyn held her chopsticks up, some raw shit on the end of it. "Please? Just one bite? It's good, I swear." I stared at her plainly as she brought it closer until I opened my mouth.
I took the bite.
I immediately felt the rubbery texture on my tongue and I clenched my jaw before continuing to chew. I knew this shit wouldn't be good. Why do I always let her make me try shit I know I won't like? "It's good right?" I stared down and slowly chewed the 'food' while pushing her plate back to her. "You mad at me?"
I looked up at her plainly as she was looked back with an amused smile. I silently forced the food down while grabbing my styrofoam cup of KoolAid. "Disgusting." I finally mumbled and took a long sip.
She giggled softly before pressing her lips to my cheeks. "I'm sorry. Thank you for trying it shawty." I gave her a deadpanned look and scooped up some of the real food, my hot sauce doused greens and baked macaroni.
"Knock knock." I raised my head when the door opened and.. Dante and Melissa walked in. "I knew I smelled Amy Ruth's." Dante said with a smirk as he pulled off his jacket. "Smell that chicken a mile away, boy."
I wiped my mouth and looked at Mel as she walked to me and cocked an eyebrow while scanning my face. "Damn. Babe come look at my right hook, I told you don't play with me." I let out a shocked chuckle and she shook her head with a smirk. "I'm sorry, I just got mad.. Robs my sister, ya know?"
"I know." I raised up and accepted her hug. "I don't blame you but uh refrain from hitting my face next time, maybe? I gotta preserve this pretty face for the movie screen." She pulled back, her eyebrows shooting up as she looked at me questionably. "You know that show y'all love so much? Power?"
"You're lying." She breathed out and I shook my head, wincing when she started slapping my shoulder repeatedly. "Who shot Ghost?! Did he really die?"
"You and Robyn man- I don't know. I was told that even some main characters weren't told, so you know I wasn't." She smacked her lips and walked away as if my information wasn't shit. That's when I saw Dante standing by the door. His head nodded to the side. I glanced back at the table and Robyn was already looking at me curiously. "I'll be back; don't let Mel eat all my food please."
She nodded silently so I walked out of the room where Dante was slowly pacing the halls. "Dante I'm-"
"You're sorry, I know." He said and looked up at while rubbing his head. "Did you tell her?" My gaze dropped. "Y/n come on.. I know I'm not your 'babysitter' or whatever but this is different. This isn't Aniya or some girl, you know that right?"
"I know."
"So what are you doing?"
I raised my head with a sigh. "I just found out she had a miscarriage.. she lost our baby, Dante." Sadness coated his orbs, his defensive aura crumbling. "And I know it's a dick move to keep this from her but I just need some time, she's not completely healed yet and I can't do this to her right now. I can't break her like that."
"Believe it or not, you already did." I swallowed thickly when he slowly started to me. "You don't have time, Y/n. You don't want her to find out from someone else, God forbid it's from social media. I know you started getting reckless when you thought you were getting a divorce right? You started going to the clubs with her, stupidly not caring about you being out in public, I haven't seen anything but I just know."
"I know." I said again and leaned back against the wall. "I'm not hiding this for weeks or months, I just want her to be able to go on her trip to Malawi and do what she needs to do without a broken heart. Then, when she comes back, I'll tell her. I swear."
He looked away for a moment before nodding. "I can understand that. And I'm never judging you, Y/n, but I am going to tell you how it is." I watched as he seemed to fight with himself on the right words to say. "I sat and watched you hurt Aniya because I didn't have enough balls to speak up.. I don't want you to ruin something else."
"And I thank you for that, okay?" I rested my hand on his shoulder to pull him into a hug. "I know the stuff with Lauren wasn't the same, I know you love Melissa and wouldn't do that to her. And I respect you for putting me in my place, I needed it for real."
"I just love you man and I want you to be happy. That little wack shit don't make you happy, your family does." I smiled and patted his back. "I don't know how she gon' take it but you gotta let her know."
"I will. On everything." I soon pulled back and he studied my face before letting out a chuckle. "Yeah yeah, I know."
"My girl did that." He said smugly and dusted off his shoulder.
I nudged him back. "You lucky I didn't put my hands on her." His laugh stopped and I puffed my chest with a nod. "Yeah I said it."
"You know damn well.." he lunged for me but I quickly pushed the door open and tried to run for the bedroom but he wrapped his arms around me and literally picked me up. "Who's ya daddy?" I groaned when he dropped me to the couch and straddled my back.
"Get off me nigga!" I wiggled until he fell off the couch, me on top now as I slid behind him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Now call me daddy!" He struggled for a bit before groaning loudly once he couldn't get out. "You blowed, la homie?" I laughed out, using his slang against him.
I felt a soft kick to my side and I looked up to see Melissa staring down. Playfully, I immediately let him go and held up my hands. "He's yours, take him. Don't hit me." She smirked and did a cute turn, then walked away.
Dante raised up and I smacked the back of his head, smiling when he looked back at me. "Lil dickhead." He pushed me back down before raising up and walking to the table. "That's why I'm taking your chicken."
I smacked my lips when I walked over and saw Melissa already eating my shit. "Babe I said don't let her eat it." Robyn smiled innocently.
"She brought cheesecake, I couldn't say no." I hummed sarcastically and snatched what was left of my plate back and sat at the other end of the table. "You mad at me?" She questioned and raised up. I looked up at her as she sat sideways on my lap, her arms circling my neck. "I'll buy you another plate before I leave okay?"
"I'm good." I said and pulled her closer. "I'll take you instead." Her eyebrows raised suggestively and I playfully rolled my eyes. "Not like that, goodness. Already want another baby." As soon as I said that, her smile fell and I kicked myself. Idiot. I sighed and raised my left hand to brush the hair out of her face. "I'm sorry I.. I forgot for a moment, I'm sorry."
"It's okay." She whispered. I caressed her cheek with the pad of my thumb before leaning her head forward and pressing a kiss between her eyes.
"We'll get through it. Together." I said, reiterating her words. Her head nodded. "You been seeing Lisa again? Your therapist?" She nodded again. "I was thinking about going to Sophia again, would you wanna come with me?"
Her head tilted as she pulled back. "Like, couples therapy?" I shrugged in response since I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to call it.
"More like couples healing. We need more healing than we do guidance." She hummed and nodded slowly. "I'm open to it if you are."
"Okay, yeah, set it up and we can go." I smiled and cupped her face before giving her a soft kiss. "Where's your next tour stop?"
I reopened my eyes. "Home."
-
Being back in LA made me wanna leave LA. I was starting to hate LA. If it wasn't for my family and the sake of business, I probably would be back in Georgia. Not necessarily Atlanta but I did miss it.
Everyone out here seemed so fake and just.. power hungry. At least in Georgia they were family oriented and homey, less worried about partying and popping the next pill. (Not saying that wasn't there as well though)
Then again, I didn't have to stay in the same place in LA as everyone else, huh? We could leave Hollywood hills and go to Beverly Hills maybe, or some other residential place that wasn't near these little YouTube fuckers and Instagram 'models.'
I think I just wanted more of a family environment because.. family was everything to me. Especially my little homies.
I dropped my bags at the door of my moms house, smiling as I hugged Robert. "Been a minute huh?"
"Too long." He responded and leaned back, his eyes scanning me. "Everything okay?"
"Not you playing step daddy." I joked and he smacked him lips while dropping his hands from my shoulder. "I'm playing. Everything's good though, my mama straight?"
He nodded. "Yeah, she's in the back watching the kids play."
"Perfect, I'll catch you out there."
I quickly made my way through the house to the backyard, the kids running through the sprinklers while my mom sat on the lawn chair with a margarita. I get the woman a house in the hills and she turns boujee.
"Tell me this isn't better than working some nine to five." Her head raised and I chuckled when she lowered her Fendi glasses with a smirk. "You can't have money, I swear."
"You the one that wanted me in California, don't forget that." I sat next to her after giving her a side hug, my eyes moving to the kids. "You're back early."
I nodded. "Yeah, I left the tour." I could feel her looking at me as I kept my gaze forward. "I messed up, Ma."
"What happened, babe?" She asked and reached forward to grab my hand. "Everything okay?"
I shook my head slightly and took in a deep breath, my eyes dropping to my feet. The hardest thing next to telling Robyn was to tell my mom the one mistake she never wanted me to make. The same mistake that led to her divorce with my dad. "Robyn and I got into a fight. Communication was off and she just wasn't there for me so I.. I did some dumb shit."
I felt her hand squeeze my own, a sigh leaving her lips as if she already knew what I was going to say. "You cheated?" She whispered and I nodded softly. "Y/nn.." I looked up as she looked into space with furrowed eyebrows. "I don't know what happened or how it got to that point but I do know that you love her with everything, I see it." She looked at me with a small smile.
"But what if it's not enough?" I asked and looked back at my kids as they played with each other, water splashing. "What if my love isn't enough compared to what I did to her? Her biggest fear was me cheating, Ma.. I did the one thing she made me promise not to ever do. She never made me promise not to lie, not to walk away, or keep secrets. It was.. she just asked me not to cheat."
Her head nodded. "And that's something you have to deal with. Coming from someone who was in that kind of relationship, your dad didn't love me, Y/n." I watched her smile sadly. "I was in love with him but he wasn't into the one women thing so he cheated. Repeatedly. You are not your father, Y/n." I swallowed thickly as those five words seemed to hit me somewhere deeper.
"Why do I feel like him sometimes?" I sniffed and wiped my nose, blinking the tears away. "I always end up doing something he's done. I'm terrified that one day I'll be that kind of person to my kids-"
"Stop it." She grabbed my chin and turned me to face her, eyes suddenly blazing. "Don't you ever think you'll end up like him, you hear me? Don't even put that energy into the universe. I've never seen someone so in love with their own kids like you. You love those babies more than life itself.. and I'm proud of the mother you are. Do you understand me?" I nodded and looked down when she let my chin go. "No. Hold your head up. I taught you better than that."
I slowly lifted my head. "You also taught me better than to cheat on the woman that I love." I said weakly but no pity filled her eyes.
"You're damn right." I looked away with a knowing nod. Of course, no one would keep it as real as my mother. "I also taught you how to fight. Not with fist, but with words. I can't promise you she's going to be forgiving, I can't even promise she won't leave you.. but I can promise that you can do all things through Christ so fight, Y/n. Fight like your life depends on it."
I nodded and looked down as she grabbed my hand and gave me a soft squeeze. "I will." Fight like my life depends on it.. she was my life. So, in actuality, it did depend on it.
"Mama!" I raised my head and quickly wiped my eyes as I forced a smile when Dahlia finally took notice of me. "When you get here?" I caught her when she jumped on my lap.
"Just a little while ago." I said and pushed her damp curls back. She seemed to study me, a frown on her lips. I shook my head. "I'm okay, princess."
"You was crying." She whispered and rubbed under my eyes. "Why you sad?"
I shook my head again. "Because.. mama can be sad to." She hummed as I shrugged. "But it's okay, being sad is okay. You know why?"
"Why?" She asked with a curious look.
"Because it helps us remember how good it feels to be happy." Her head nodded as she digested my words. "And you know what makes me happy?" I lifted her up and blew raspberries on her stomach, smiling as she let out an infectious laugh.
Immediately? Happiness.
"Who's next?" I raised up with her in my arms and ran after the twins who screamed and tried to run across the grass on their little legs but four of their steps was one of mine. I tackled the three of them to the ground, ticking them all at once.
"Nooo mama, no!" The twins said in between giggles and I finally stopped, keeping them all trapped under me.
I lifted up slightly and smiled as each set of eyes looked up at me as if I was their world. "I missed you guys." I said, giving them each a kiss. "Did you miss me?"
"Me!" Nani called out and I smiled at her when she lifted her hand to show the bracelet I got her for Christmas. "See?"
"Yep. Do you all have your bracelets? Let me see, bracelet check." I looked at each, all of them having the bracelets which had my initials and their own together. "Do you know wanna see my bracelet?"
They nodded so I sat up and pulled up my shirt before turning to show them my back. I heard collective gasps. "That's me!" Dahlia said, her fingers resting on my skin. "And Rem Rem, and Nani."
"Mama, it come off?" Remi asked while rubbing the tattoos. I chuckled and lowered my shirt to turn and face him.
"Nope, it's on there forever to remind me that no matter what, no matter what happens, I always have you guys watching my back." Dahlia smiled, the twins looks were blank. "And the bracelets are a reminder than I'm always holding your hand. Forever."
They all looked down at the bracelets simultaneously. "It's pretty, mama." Dahlia said and looked at my back again. "So cool." Cool, always was her favorite word.
"I'm glad you think so." I looked over my shoulder and saw my mom smiling at me, a knowing look on her face. I wasn't my my father and I would never be. Ever. "I have an idea.." I looked back at my kids with a smirk. "I think maw maw needs some love. What do you think?"
"Hugs?" Nani asked and I winked with a nod.
"Hug attack." Dahlia whispered with an evil ass giggle. I chuckled and held up three fingers.
"When I say one, run to maw maw, okay?" They all nodded. "Okay. Three.. two.. one!" We all raised up and my mom watched with raised eyebrows as we all ran then 'attacked' her.
"Oh my goodness." I lifted the twins up on her lap and she dropped her head back with a laugh. "It's too much love, it's too much!"
I stepped back and watched with a laugh, then I pulled out my phone to take a video of a moment I knew I'd want to remember.
I wasn't sure what the future held but I was getting courage from my kids. And that was more than enough.
___
Might double update later today (pst)...
Heavy on the MIGHT