Look what I found lol ^^
-
One month later
December 24th
Over the last few weeks, everything's been weird. Robyn and I were on talking basis, but it was different. We could be affectionate one day then she could have something to argue about the next.
It was draining as fuck but I never gave up on her. It got to a point where I even started to make excuses. Maybe she was just overwhelmed with the many businesses she was running.. maybe taking care of the babies on her own was stressful.
I was just being as understanding as I possibly could because I didn't know what she was going through.
But me stressing over her stressing was starting to make me give her more and more distance and I hated that. I wanted to call her after my shows and talk about our day but it always led to an argument, or she was busy and had to leave five minutes later. Still, I called, not caring what side of the dice the night ended on.
As long as I could hear her voice before my head hit the pillow.
I just prayed that whatever she was dealing with, she would come to me soon. I needed my wife back.. wherever she was.
But, I guess in turn I put my energy into trying to have fun again. Innocent fun.
"Left- left- right- noooo!" I groaned when saweetie stepped on the wrong step pad, sending us back fifty points.
"Amateur!" The game voice said loudly and I leaned against the back of the railing, my head shaking as dance dance revolution continued without me. "Come on!" She laughed out and tugged at my arms but I stayed out. "Don't give up on me, nigga."
"No I'm done." I said and turned away from her. "You can't dance for shit."
She gasped and I gave her a sarcastic look as I stepped off of the gaming machine and continued throughout the arcade. We had the day off so we decided to spend it having some fun at the arcade we found out about in Colorado.
It's honestly been a minute since I've hung out with her, just for fear of pictures getting leaked and another argument starting. But after three weeks of pure.. avoidance, I gave it up because it started to cause a rift in everything.
Avoiding her led to no chemistry in our performances and I pride myself on my craft. I just made sure to be cordial yet professional. Well, as professional as you could get when hanging out at an arcade.
"Your family coming for Christmas tomorrow?" She asked and I nodded slightly while sliding a token into the pinball machine. "You guys doing anything special?"
"Um.." I started as I focused on the little ball moving throughout the machine. "I'm not sure but maybe just strolling to see the lights? Since it's snowing out here and shit, you know?" She nodded softly. "Dahlia's with her mom since she was with me for Halloween so.. just something baby friendly for the twins."
I squinted my eyes as I tried to keep the ball from dropping. "Ooh shit, you about to get the high score!" She said and I nodded quickly and pressed my fingers into the buttons like my life depended on it. "Go go go- yess!" I threw my arms up towards saweetie just when I got past the high score and I felt her hug me excitedly.
"I'm the goat!" I yelled with a laugh before realizing the position we were in. I looked down and she looked up, our eyes connecting for a silent moment before we simultaneously scattered back at the same time. I cleared my throat and glanced around to see only a bunch of kids around, no attention on us.
"Good job." She mumbled with an awkward smile and I nodded, pushing her shoulder jokingly.
"Weirdo." I joked before nodding my head to the side for her to follow me. "You hungry?" When she nodded, I went to the mini food counter and leaned against it. "Hi, can I get the uh.. Colorado style tacos and a moscato margarita."
"Margarita?" Saweetie said with a smirk. "Really?"
I waved her off. "Them shits hit. Get what you want, Di." She leaned over and told her order to the guy. When I pulled out my wallet, she instantly complained. "Hush, you paid for the arcade tokens."
"Yeah but-" I covered her mouth with my hand and smiled at the worker as I handed him the card. "If you don't.." she pulled my hand down with a scowl. "You know how many games you touched? Now you got that shit all over my mouth."
"Relax shawty." I mumbled and grabbed my card and receipt that had our order number.
She looked over her shoulder with squinted eyes, leading us to a table. "You nasty." I simply winked before sitting down across from her. We both simultaneously pulled out our phones, a bad habit I think most millennials had nowadays.
"Aww look at this puppy." She pouted and turned her phone for me to see a little white dog. I frowned. "Why do you hate puppy's so much? Your dog is cute as hell and you stay calling him ugly."
I shrugged. "They get on my nerves. Always tearing shit up and just.. being annoying. He stays with my mom now so I don't gotta worry much but still. I'll be happy with a goldfish." She rolled her eyes and smacked her lips before looking back down at her phone. "You gonna get a puppy?"
"Probably." She said with a sigh. "I get bored easily so I need something to hold my attention when I'm not in the studio. I think ima get a husky though. They're hella cute."
I snorted and nodded softly. "Hella." I muttered lowly, looking down when I got a text.
Wife🥰💕: Can't wait to see you ❤️
I smiled and perked up, replying instantly.
Me: I can't wait to see you baby 😘 When do you land? You need me to pick you up from the airport?
Wife🥰💕: Nope, we got Lewis. Nani wants to show you her outfit.
Wife🥰💕:
Me: mah babyyy. Looking just like my wifey 🥰
Me: Hurry and get here already. I wanna hug y'all!
Wife🥰💕: Hugs tomorrow. See you soon 😘
Me: Okay, I love youuu
Wife🥰💕: I love you too
The 'i' was there today.. perfect. It was gonna be a good day.
"Order fifteen!" I looked up from my phone with a smile and saweetie had a smile of her own as she watched me. "Wifey?" She questioned and I nodded, her lips pouting. "You're adorable. Go get the food."
I smacked my lips and raised up. "First you make me pay.. now you making me get it? High maintenance ass.. that's not my type." Her hand raised toward me but I scattered off before she could touch me.
"Stop quoting my songs!" She called out and I laughed, a newfound airy feeling lifting me across the floor. This visit was gonna be great. I could feel it.
-
Christmas Day
I paced around the hotel room, as I have been for the past ten minutes since I've gotten that 'almost there' text.
Sure we FaceTimed and called but it's been a month since I've seen them face to face. I couldn't wait.
And my prayers were answered. I rushed over to the door once I heard the knock and swung it open. "Mama!" I heard two small voices say and I crouched down immediately with a laugh, both of them crashing into me.
"My babiiieees." I hugged them both tightly and rolled around the ground. "I missed you both so much. Let me see you." I raised up and Nani smiled widely while pulling the same bunny hoodie up. "Oh yeah, I remember the picture. Even prettier in person, babygirl."
"Mama look!" I glanced over at Remi and he made a scrunched face, his hands up in 'claws' while growling. I looked over his jacket and chuckled, isn't that adorable. "Back panter' mama."
"I see that. What sound does panthers make?" He growled again and I copied his before pulling him into me and pressing kisses over his face. "Mama panther likes kisses more."
"Me too!" Nani said with a frown so you know I had to grab her and give her the same treatment. "Mama bunny?"
"No, mama panter." Remi said and hung his arms around my shoulders, refusing to give her room to hug me.
"Mama bunny!"
"Hey.. I can be both, relax." I said and pulled them both into my side. "How about I be mama punny? It's panther and bunny together." They both stared at me silently, probably confused as hell. "I'll be both, okay? That's all you gotta know. I'm both."
"So what am I?" I looked up and saw Robyn sitting her bags down as she closed the door. "Do I get to be a bunny? Or panther?"
"No." Remi said and shook his head. "Only mama." I smirked and winked at her when she looked at him in shock. "Sorry mommy."
"See? I knew my boy would eventually come to the right side. High five." I raised my hand and he slapped it with a giggle before chasing after Anani when she raised up and started running to the bed.
I then got up and moved across the floor to her. "Hi," I mumbled and grabbed her waist, smiling when she held onto my face and leaned forward to connect our lips softly. Man.. a month without her kisses. Pure torture. I pulled back when she did, my eyes still closed as I licked my lips. "How are you feeling?"
Her fingers lightly ran over the back of my head before soothingly scratching my scalp. "I'm good. A little tired from the flight but.. still good. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." I said and pecked her lips again. "You wanna get a nap in before we leave?"
She waved her hand and shook her head. "Nah, I'll just grab a coffee or something. Twins!" Both of then scrambled from the bed they were jumping on and ran over. "You guys ready?"
"Yes mommy." They responded politely and with that, we were off.
We first stopped at a little cafe to grab her a coffee and I got two small cups of hot cocoa for the twins, a pumpkin spice latte for me. Yes.. I know, but they were good.
After that, we casually walked down the road with the large houses draped in Christmas lights, the twins jumping in the snow with every step.
"When is tour over again?" I glanced over at Robyn as she took a sip of her coffee, eyes still forward.
"Uh.. March I believe. March thirtieth." She hummed and nodded slowly. "Let's not talk about tour though. Fenty Skin? You have a release date yet?"
Her head shook. "No but I'm aiming for this summer. Hopefully June or Julyish." I smiled as her eyes brightened up slightly. "I can't wait to put it out. You know how long I've been working on this?"
"I do. I was there." She looked over at me and smiled softly before looking back at the twins. "I'm proud of you, Rob. You're really doing it.. whatever the hell you want to do, you do it. That's admirable."
She silently walked a bit closer to me, her hand sliding around my arm as she rested her head on my shoulder. "Thank you." She mumbled and I nodded, kissing her forehead before calling the twins.
"Do you guys know what animal that is?" I asked, holding onto Remi's hand as Nani went for Robyn. When they shook their head, I answered. "It's a reindeer. They help Santa, remember?"
"Santa." Remi mumbled and I nodded. "Santa toys?"
"Yeah. When we get back to the hotel, I think Santa will have your presents there." They both cheered and I chuckled at their cuteness. "So, besides Fenty skin, anything else popping off for you?"
She took another sip of her coffee while nodding. "I'm already planning for the Savage Fenty show next year. I want it bigger though, and better."
Man, she never stopped working. "Do that shit then. You're already blowing Victoria secret out of the water, babe. This show is like.." I shook my head. "Out of this world. You're doing so much for everyone, the diversity you bring to the show is hella crazy man."
Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me with a long pause. I tilted my head in confusion as she took a sip before continuing to walk. Did I say something wrong? "Yeah." She then said lowly.
I quietly walked beside her, automatically feeling the shift in the air. Not yet.. I couldn't have something happen yet, I just needed a little more happy. I hosted Remi to sit on my shoulders before I draped my arm over Robyn's shoulder. "I'll be in LA for New Years."
Her head nodded. "That'll be fun." She said dryly and I closed my eyes with a sigh. "You have any plans?"
"I thought we could do something. It feels like we haven't been out in a while.. let alone together, you know? We could go to a party or.. just chill at home. Whatever you want." She nodded slowly and looked up at the sky for a moment. "What do you think?"
"Give me a second." She said with a huff and I nodded before slowly pulling away from her, the agitation in her voice leaving me on edge.
I watched her pull out her phone as it went off, a smile on her lips as she held it to her ear. "Heyy." She nearly sung out and I frowned when she walked ahead of me a bit. Since when did she need space to answer the phone?
"Mama?" I broke out of my thoughts and looked up with a smile as Remi leaned over, his hands drumming on my head lightly. "I hungry."
"You hungry big boy?" He nodded but screamed in shock when I quickly dropped him down. "What do you wanna eat? Want some chicken?"
"Ooo." He whispered. Him and Dahlia, the exact same when food was brought up.
I glanced back at Robyn and saw her laughing at whatever was said but when our eyes met, the smile fell and she cleared her throat. She said something quickly before hanging up and falling back next to me. "Who was that?" I asked, making sure I didn't sound crazy or something.
"Hassan." She answered plainly. "Remember that trip to Africa I was gonna take?" I nodded. "It's finalized so we're going in January."
Oh, I thought we were suppose to.. "Okay." I mumbled and nodded slowly. "That's great, I know how long you've wanted to do this so.. I'm proud of you." Her eyes took me in again, almost looking for something. I wasn't sure what but I genuinely was happy for her. I know how long she's been planning this trip, it was nice to see her really accomplish her goals one by one.
"So, we're getting food?" She asked and I nodded. "You know anywhere good?"
"I think I know a place."
-
"Welcome to Friday's.."
I smiled and tapped the table happily. "Hi. I already know what I want." She nodded and clicked her pen. "I would like the endless appetizers, mozzarella sticks and hot wings first please. And I'll take a lemonade." I looked up when Rob chuckled softly, her eyes on the menu.
"I'll get a water and two kid apple juices as well."
Once the waitress left, I looked at the twins who sat in the high chairs provided. "Hey," I called out to get their attention. "What color is this?" I held up the menu and pointed at the red words.
"Wed." They both said, Nani a bit faster than him.
"Good job, and.. this?"
"Bue!"
Look at my smart ass kids. And they were only a few weeks shy of eighteen months? I'm claiming I gave them the smart gene. I wouldn't say that out loud though.
"You guys are so smart, you know that? Always remember that knowledge is powerful." I bopped both of their noses, smiling when they giggled. My attention moved back to Robyn and she was smiling at her phone. "Uh hello? You should be smiling at me. You know, the love of your life?" I teased, wholeheartedly joking around.
"Like you've never been in your phone in front of me? Right." I frowned at her serious tone. "Don't be a hypocrite now babe."
"Man I was just playing." I said with a huff and leaned back into the seat when she kept typing on her phone. "So Africa, what will you guys be focused on? Building? Educating?"
"Bit of both." She mumbled without anything else.
Welp. I might as well go on my phone to..
Me: how's Christmas treating you?
SweetTarts: I ordered a pound of crab, sausage, and shrimp to eat by myself. And a bottle of alcoholic eggnog. I think it'll go great with this cold ass Colorado weather.
Me: What??? I thought you were flying back to the bay to chill with the fam??
SweetTarts: I was but my flight was cancelled cause of the snow. We're on FaceTime tho, giving gifts virtually lol
Me: awwww damn :( you need anything?
SweetTarts: did you not just hear me? I am straight bro, I got all this seafood. I might make a mukbang lmao
Me: I hate those damn videos man, especially when you do it in the quiet ass bus
SweetTarts: My fans like it tho
Me: Mhm they just like your mouth Di lmao but aight, lemme know if you need anything. You staying at the same hotel?
SweetTarts: Yessir
Me: alr, take care. Be safe. And Merry Christmas 💕
SweetTarts: So sweet😂 Merry Christmas big head ❄️
I sat my phone down just as the waiter brought the drinks and first round of apps. I swear, back in LA it would take thirty damn minutes for the drinks to be brought out.. okay Colorado, okay.
-
The dinner was cool. Everything remained civil (surprisingly) but I was glad there wasn't any arguments. I had my doubts but we made it through both dinner and exchanging gifts.
Until..
"I love it, son, I love it." I said with a smile as he showed me the little Cartier bracelet on his wrist. He held it closer to my face while babbling incoherently and I nodded with raised eyebrows. "Yeah I see it. You drippin' boy."
I stood him up on my lap and twirled his side to side, smiling as he giggled joyfully. Movement from behind him caught my attention and that's when Saweetie rounded into the fireplace area that was located in the lobby of the hotel room. She took one look at us, including Rob, then backed right back out at tenfold.
I looked down for a moment before glancing at Robyn and I saw her eyeing me, her mouth opening as if she was going to say something. Then she just sighed and turned away.
I didn't say anything either.
"Thank you." She said to the receptionist that handed her an extra blanket.. the whole reason we came down here. But judging by how she walked away from the counter without waiting for me, I knew I should've just called for blankets in the room. Shit.
I quickly raised up and held Remi in my arms, then swooping Nani up in the other. "Mama?" Nani mumbled, her small fist rubbing her eye in a circle. "I sleepy."
"Okay, we're going to the room right now, baby girl. Just lay on my shoulder, okay?" She nodded and rested her head in the crook of my neck, her fingers wrapping around my necklace.
When we made it to the room, Robyn tossed the extra blankets onto the bed before walking out to the balcony. I watched for a moment, yawning grabbing my attention. "You sleepy too, huh?" I carried both of them to the bed and grabbed the suitcase to change them. "Did you have a good Christma?" They both nodded as I changed their diapers then put them into PJs. "Did you like all your presents?"
"Love." Nani said in a cute sleep voice before rolling onto her stomach. "Mama tuck?"
I hummed with a nod and tucked the blankets around her, the same with Remi. "I want you both to know I love you, okay? So much. And I'm so happy you came to visit me today."
I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nani's head, smiling when she held onto my face in the meantime. "I love you, baby girl." She smiled with her eyes closed.
Then Remi. He kicked his feet with a wide, knowing smile. "You ready for your kisses too?" I tickled his stomach before kissing his head too. "Okay, go to sleep. I'll be out there with mommy, okay?"
"Kay." He whispered and rolled onto his stomach as well. I backed away and leaned against the doorway, watching them inch toward one another before holding each other's hand.
I remember not being ready for kids. The thought of having my own made me want to throw up just a few years ago.. now I couldn't imagine living without them. Crazy what time does, huh?
I turned the lights down to a low nightlight before walking out of the room and onto the balcony, Robyn holding a blunt between her fingers. I slid my arms around her waist a pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. "I put the kids down.." I whispered and trailed my lips up to her ear. "It's been a while since we've had time to ourselves."
As I toyed with the button of her jeans, I moved to kiss her neck but she leaned her head forward out of my reach. "I'm not in the mood." She mumbled and grabbed my hands, stopping them. "Not tonight." I sighed and let my arms fall from her waist.
"Not tonight? The only night we've had for an entire ass month?" She glanced at me as I leaned on the balcony railing and looked down at the snow covered streets. "I thought you'd be hella down especially since we-"
"How much time do you spend with her?" I cocked an eyebrow and looked over at she pressed the end of the blunt into the railing while exhaling the smoke. "Hella this, hella that- you must be close if you're starting to get her words down."
Welp, it was good while it lasted. "I'm on tour with her, the same bus as her, we perform together. Of course we spend time together." I said calmly with a shrug. "Just as I spent time with you on the Anti tour."
"And what happened when the doors closed on the Anti tour, Y/n?" I sighed when she stared at me pointedly. "I remember what happened when the doors close so using me an example is a bad idea."
I simply nodded and turned to face the street again, letting her get out what she always said. I almost had it memorized at this point.
"I can't do this every time." I mumbled, instantly breaking her out of her rant. I was so tired. "Everytime they go out to the club, I don't because I'm scared a picture will be taken and you'll take it the wrong way. Whenever they go out to eat after shows, I order takeout and stay in." I gripped the railing and pushed back, my head hanging between my shoulders as my jaw clenched. "I barely know the other dancers because I stay away from them when they're around saweetie. I just let myself be able to speak and be cordial with her because it was starting to affect our choreography."
When I looked up, I hoped I'd see sympathy, regret? Something? Anything?
Nothing.
I nodded slowly and pushed back. "I'm going to bed."
She didn't follow me. In fact, as soon as I sat down on the bed, I heard the front door open.. then close. Of course..
I sighed and slid under the covers, my arm draping over the twins body. "Mama?" Nani whispered and I nodded, pecking her cheek.
"I'm here baby." I pulled her closer, my fingers running through her hair as she cuddled into my chest, my eyes eyeing the door. "I'll always be here."
-
The days started to drag on at this point. After that night, we talked but it was routine to me, nothing different than the last three or four talks we've had.
'I'm sorry, I'm trying not to be like this.'
I'd look up at her from my spot on the bed as she played with her fingers in front of me, a frown on her lips.
'It's okay.. let's talk'
That would always be my reaction. I'd talk her out of her insecurities, we'd hug, kiss, then go back to normal.. for a few days. I wasn't sure how long it would take us to have another argument to be honest.
But to help, I made sure I used my own words, trying not to accidentally use 'hella' or any other 'Bay Area' terms. Just so I wouldn't slip up and cause another fight.
When I said I was tired, I meant it. It's crazy how the entire first year of our marriage was pure bliss. We did everything and anything together with a smile. No serious arguments, just petty shit that made us both laugh at the end of the day.
I wasn't sure what happened once we hit that one year mark because it all just.. went downhill. It was like a switch on her emotions. She went from Robyn to Rihanna to me. And I say Rihanna because that's all I knew when I first met her. A stranger, someone who didn't trust me and wanted nothing to do with me.
She was still calling her therapist, at least that's what she told me. But how could it be getting worse? Whatever it was..
"You're laaaame." Saweetie said as I slid on my backpack. "My crew is gonna be turnt, you missing out."
I looked up at her with a chuckle. "I'm sure it will be, Di. But I got a party of my own." Her head tilted, a knowing smile on her lips. "It's called party Fenty. It's exclusive so.. you may not be on the guest list."
"You know damn well.." she shoved my back once I raised up from tying my shoes. "Have fun, turn up, don't forget to eat before getting lit."
"I know. Where you partying at tonight?" I asked as I grabbed my phone and car keys.
"Oak nightclub." I made a face and her eyes squinted. "What? What's wrong with Oak?"
"Nothing really, I just had a fight there with Drake." Her eyes widened and I looked up in thought. "Then a year later, with Chris. Oak is just bad news for me man." I sighed and shook my head. "But it's a great club. It's gonna be lit for you."
"Aren't you and Chris cool now?" I shrugged as I started towards the door. "Don't run, I want the tea!"
"We're not cool." I said as I pulled the door open. "But I don't feel the need to beat his ass anymore so, that's good." She laughed softly and I bit my lip slightly to hold in my smile. "You look great by the way, I love that outfit." She looked down at herself, a bashful grin covering her lips as her eyes met mine again. "Happy New Years, Diamanté."
She crossed her arms behind her back and looked me down with a nod. "Happy New Years, Y/n."
Then I was out.
It was pretty late already, our flight getting delayed because of a heavy rainstorm but we made it. I knew Robyn would be getting ready with Melissa which gave me time to stop and pick up a bouquet of roses, and another assortment of flowers.
"Bitch I will stab you if you keep moving." Well.. I was home.
I walked into the bedroom and saw Rob applying eyeliner to Mel's eye with a scowl. "No stabbing, we gotta see twenty twenty together." Both of them looked in my direction as I sat my backpack down. "One for you.." I handed the mixture of flowers to Mel and the roses to Robyn. "And one for the wife."
"Aww." She cooed and smelled the flowers before leaning over to peck my lips. "Thank you baby, I love it."
"I should've dated you instead of Dante. That nigga never gets me flowers." Mel said with an eye roll before smiling at me. "Thank you, Y/nn."
"You're welcome." I sung out before sitting on the bed and stretching my arms. "Where we going tonight?"
"Oak."
My eyes shot wide as I stared at the ceiling, my mind immediately going into panic mode. Shit shit shit. "You don't wanna go anywhere else?" I asked, trying not to give off anything.
"Nah we already have the section set up and everything." I hummed softly and covered my face for a second before sitting up. Instantly, I made eye contact with Mel and she cocked her eyebrow, I mouthed it, her eyes widened.
"Oh shit," she whispered and tapped her leg repeatedly. "Uh.. what if we go to the Boulevard? I heard Ushers performing through New Years. We love Usher.
She hummed before shaking her head. "Nah, Oak has that connected hotel so I just wanna party and then go straight upstairs, not worrying about ubering home." Shit again. "Where's the setting spray?"
"Bathroom." Mel mumbled and we waited until she left before turning to one another. "You gotta tell her."
"Me?!" I whispered shouted and shook my head. "Nuh uh, you know it'll start a fight. I prefer bringing the year in with sex-ssion, not depression."
She furrowed her eyes with a knowing nod. "Okay.. do you know what section she'll be in?"
"I can ask."
"Good." A sigh left her lips as she looked up when Robyn's footsteps started to echo into the room. "Find out and we can stay as far as we possibly can.. I don't wanna hear another argument either. If I'm tired of it, I can't imagine y'all."
"What's the whispers about?" We both looked up and I smiled when she moved back in front of Mel. "I wanna whisper too."
"We were deciding if you'll get drunk before or after the clock hits twelve. I say before, Y/nn has faith in you and says after." Damn she was good.
Robyn looked in my direction and winked. "Always got my back."
Shit.
"How about we pregame though?" I said and raised up to move to the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of Jack and twisted the cap before bringing it to me lips. One.. two.. three.. four.. I pulled the bottle down and wiped my lips with a huff.
This would be fine right? Keeping two woman separated in a night club didn't seem that hard. Just.. know where they are, pray they don't go to the bathroom at the same time.
This could work. Easy peasy.
Two hours later
I think I'm going to cry. It wasn't peasy.
We were two hours in and there was already almost three incidents. One at the bar, one on the dance floor, and the bathroom (saweetie told me she ran.) This was feeling like a night of work instead of a night of fun. It was exhausting.
But other than that, I'm guessing Rob was having fun. She was partying it up with Mel and some other girls while I chilled in the booth and texted Dante.
Me: It's terrible bruh
Dan🥈: I can imagine. I just wish I was there to laugh at all that shit.
Me: 🖕🏾
Dan🥈: Nah fr tho. When you coming to another game?
Me: When the browns are prospect to win 💀
Dan🥈: You get on my nerves bro. We been doing good! We just beat the cowboys.
Dan🥈: Forget I said that. Just come lmao when we play the Broncos, you gotta come.
Me: Alrighhht. I'll make it down there in my Denver jersey. I ain't never wearing your shit.
Dan🥈: 🖕🏾😭 suck my dick. HNY nigga
Me: Yea yea yeaaa, see you next year brudda
I closed my phone and raised my head up as I saw someone walking up. My eyes squinted through the flashing lights and that's when I noticed it was one of the back up dancers. "Y/n?" He smiled widely and I raised up, accepting his bro hug. "I was like, I notice them curls from anywhere. How you doing bro? Feels like I just saw you."
"You did just see me." I said and pushed his shoulder with a chuckle. "But yeah, I'm just chillin', you?"
"Same same, saweetie been buying bottles with no damn limit, you know her."
I chuckled. "Saweetie's here?" I glanced over his shoulder and saw Robyn standing direction behind him. "Excuse me," she said and maneuvered around him. "Did you know she was here?" I looked at him again and he held a face of confusion while slowly backing away. "I'm talking to you, not him."
I sighed before nodding. "Yeah, I did." I said truthfully and she scoffed, nodding slightly. "But it doesn't matter. We're in our own section, she's in hers."
"It does matter, you know why?" I tilted my head when she jabbed her finger into my chest. "Because I heard what you and M were talking about at home. I was waiting for you to bring it up.. you never did."
"So what, Robyn?" I said, starting to get fed up with being the yes man. "So we can never be in the same vicinity as her? A goddamn celebrity? That's bullshit."
"What's bullshit is you lying-"
"So we wouldn't fight!" Her eyebrows raised as my voice raised but I had shit I had to say to. "I try to keep things minimal so we won't fight but it's like it's never gonna enough. Yes, I knew she would be here. I'm sorry you can't handle being in the same room as her but if you would just trust me-"
"I don't." She said, the first time truly admitting what I've already known. "I'm sorry but I don't."
"Ten.. nine.. eight-"
I blinked and nodded my head slowly as the countdown started being chanted around the club. "And I've given you everything to believe in my word, but it's never enough, huh?" I snatched her phone from her hand and held it up, already seeing who's messages she was on. "Yet I've watched and listened to you talk to Hassan fucking Jameel like he was your man.. and I've given you nothing but trust."
"Five.. four.. three."
She opened and closed her mouth but I shook my head with a bitter chuckle. "He might as well be, huh?" I dropped her phone onto the table and snatched a bottle up. "Happy New Years babe." I said, hearing everyone starting to cheer and confetti flying around.
I jogged down the three steps that elevated the section before pushing my way through the crowd. Everyone was happy.. it was a new year. At least they could start their twenty twenty in a new light, a feeling of bliss.
My head shook as I lifted the bottle and took a swig, my eyes welling up like the little bitch I was. I didn't feel heartbroken but I felt.. empty? Hallow even?
How could I devote myself to someone that didn't trust me fully? Someone I gave no reason to feel that type of way. I gave her everything and more, losing friendships and quality time along the way. What the fuck?
I started up to the hotel and wiped my face to look presentable. I didn't need to look like an emotional ass drunk, crying in the hotel lobby.
I'm just tired, man. I didn't wanna be tired anymore. This was suppose to be the time of our lives. We should've been dancing, kissing, spinning around the confetti but instead..
I made it to the hall our room was on but realized, "I don't have the key." I huffed and sat down on the carpeted floor, my head dropping back against the wall. "Damnit."
Well, at least I have alcohol to drown my sorrows.. I need to stop reading sad books. Drown my sorrows? Fuck was wrong with me. I shook my head and took another sip.
"Fuck."
My head perked up when I heard footsteps rounding the corner, sobs following. Did she run after me? I sat up slightly and that's when she rounded the corner, her makeup smeared from her tears. "Di?" I mumbled and she looked up from her phone. "Woah hey." I quickly jumped up.
"I'm fine." She sniffed and wiped her eyes but I shook my head and held her arms when she tried to walk away. "Y/nn-"
"Talk to me." I muttered lowly and rubbed her arms up and down soothingly. "What's wrong?"
She looked down at her phone before turning it for me to see.
Quavybaby: Ion man, it's tuff but maybe we shouldn't get back together right now, ya know?
Quavybaby: We just gotta be separate for now
"I thought he'd wanna get back together by now.. it's been a month." She sniffed and pocketed her phone. "I don't know if I miss him or just.."
"The feeling?" I interjected and she nodded stiffly. "Can I be honest with you?" I raised my head and brushed her tears away with my knuckles. "You're so.. good, Di. You shouldn't be crying over him or anyone."
Her gaze was down, no tears dropping but her breathing was still rigid. "Why am I never enough?"
I shook my head and cupped her face. "You are enough, more than enough." Her eyes slowly raised to meet mine, a mixture of sadness yet a flicker of hope within them. "You have to know that being broken doesn't make you broken."
Without warning, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine. I quickly pulled back and looked down at my shoes with a sigh. "I'm sorry." She said quickly. I looked up at her. "I'm so sor-" I kissed her back.
I wanted to feel something. Something other than lost and hallow.
And I did.
Her hands gripped the sides of my shirt as she pulled me closer, our bodies flesh with one another by the time the kiss ended. "Where's your room?" I whispered and she pointing at the door right beside us.
With one swipe, it was open and I had her against the door, the kiss heating up with the blood pushing through my veins, leaving a pulsating thump in my chest.
I wasn't drunk.
I pushed her onto the bed and slid between her legs, making myself comfortable as I trailed my lips from hers to her neck. "Y/nn," she breathed out and I raised my head, our eyes meeting and breaths mixing with rapid lust. "Are you sure?" She then said in a whisper. I shook my head. "Me neither."
I slid my hand over her stomach and rested it on her chest, feeling her heartbeat as thumping as mine was.
Then only one thought made its way to my head before I continued.
She doesn't trust me anyway.
____
Well..