Once again, Scott had to take time off work to go save the world – or, his half-brother, as the case happened to be. Zed offered to cover his shifts for him, which was awesome of him (Scott hoped that he'd be done by the full moon, because even though Zed seemed to control his wolf pretty well, it still made its mandated monthly appearance, and a werewolf IT clerk just wouldn't do). Scott was glad that he did not have to 'influence' Robin, his supervisor, to give him the time. She offered it readily, as she was as much a friend as a supervisor (well, Scott did have to stretch the truth just a little – "My newly-discovered brothers' health is in danger", which it really was, so it wasn't much of a lie).
He also had to lie to his mother once again. This was not something he relished, and he feared that she was becoming increasingly jaded. After all, lies wear thin after a while, especially when they aren't very convincing.
"So, you're meeting Doug? Where are you meeting him?"
"Oh, you know, down south."
"Down south where?"
"Uhh," Screw it, Scott. Tell the truth once in a while, won't you? "Mexico. Yeah, Mexico."
"Mexico? Really? My goodness, Mexico. That's a long trip! Where in Mexico?"
"Uh, not sure yet. Doug will let me know. It's a surprise."
"Surprise? Well! It certainly is! So, can I come along?"
"Oh, no, mom, it's a guys only kind of thing."
"Just you and Doug! Oh, that's wonderful! I'm so glad you two are going to be hanging out together! You won't be doing much of that after your wedding!"
"Well, yeah! That's... that's right! Yeah, me and Doug, hanging out, before I get married, yeah, that's it!"
Disaster averted, or so it looked. That accomplished, Scott picked up Dawn (How could he keep her out of his plans? I always talk to her. I like talking to her, because I so love hearing her sweet voice and talking with her and I know this is starting to get really annoying, but I'm a vampire in love so there) and they headed down to Ministry where they met Jeremiah and picked up a few goodies from Doctor Weems.
"Okay, listen up," Kitty said, "We've got cattle prods, Tasers, and these neat little shock collars here," she pointed to a couple items that looked like Fitbits, "These can be adapted to fit the wrist or the ankle and are controlled by this little car-remote looking doohickey here." Kitty picked up the remote, hit the red button and caused the shock collars to arc.
"'Doohickey'?" Scott asked. "Is that a technical term?"
"Anyway," She responded, ignoring Scott's dig, "What will you take?"
"All of it, including at least a couple of those shock collars, complete with remote control doohickeys. "
"We will need a plasma cutter," Jeremiah said, "because the crypt is secured with iron bands. And we will need several bags of blood. Jack will be deep into the bloodlust by this time, and therefore very dangerous. Dawn, do you wish to sit this one out?"
"Hell no," She said, "I'm not sitting this one out. I've dealt with bloodlusting vampires before. Besides, this is family."
"She's right," Scott said, "She's insane, but she's right. Anyway, we will also be needing other weapons. Swords, axes, crossbows, whatever. Supposedly some of the security procedures Elizabeth has placed down there are living."
"Eww!" Kitty wailed. "Living? Like what?"
"Not sure exactly. Anyway, we should be prepared for whatever it is."
Having filled their laundry list, and having waited for late night, Dawn and Scott departed for the House in his Mustang as Jeremiah followed on his Indian. Their caravan wound through the streets of east Portland, up into St. Johns, then across the river up into the hills and finally onto Skyline boulevard. Scott drove past the House, hoping no one would notice the twin roars of the Mustang and the Indian, then continued south on Skyline Boulevard to Skyline Memorial Gardens. The gates were closed at this late hour, of course, so they parked in front of them, got out, and wandered through the cemetery, Jeremiah and Scott sharing most of the burden of the electrical weapons, the plasma torch, and the bagged blood. All three wore swords and Dawn slung a crossbow over her shoulder. A brief walk among the tombstones led them to a large statue of Jesus holding a staff and carrying a lamb.
"It's here," Dawn said, "This is the entrance to the secret tunnel."
"Under a statue of Jesus?" Scott asked. "Oh well, nobody can say that vampires don't have an ironic sense of humor."
"In the flower bed," Jeremiah said as he pointed, "Behind the spigot is a metal grate. Open that, and there is a key pad inside."
Scott brushed aside a rose bush to reach his objective. The grate opened easily enough and under that was a hinged metal cover. He flipped the cover open to discover the keypad.
"Okay, does anybody know the sequence?"
Jeremiah and Dawn looked blankly at each other. "I forgot," Jeremiah said. "Dawn, did you remember it?"
"Um, no," Dawn said, "I was hoping you'd remember."
Scott rolled his eyes. "Oh great. Well, hopefully Phaedra knows it."
Scott pulled out his phone and dialed Phaedra's personal cellphone number. "Hi, Scott," She answered, "So, are we ready for this?"
"Apparently not. We need the combination to the keypad."
"Oh, okay. It's 1, 2, 3, 4 and pound."
"Wait. What? Really? One, two, three, four?"
"And pound."
"And I thought Elizabeth was concerned about security. Okay, let's try it."
Scott pressed the buttons, and the statue started moving. It slowly moved to the north, masonry and marble grinding as it did so. The hole where the statue previously stood revealed an in-set metal hatch, much like the hatch on a submarine. Jeremiah grabbed the wheel and twisted, unlocking and opening the ancient hatch. A ladder led deep down below the cemetery. Scott thanked Phaedra, who assured him she'd turn the alarms off and place the cameras on a loop. Scott then hung up.
"I'll go first," Jeremiah said as he stepped onto the first metal wrung.
"You go right ahead," Scott said. "Dawn?"
"Yeah?"
"Ladies first!"
"Oh yeah, now you're a gentleman."
"When am I not?"
Dawn headed down the steps after Jeremiah. "Wimp!"
"I am not a wimp!"
Scott followed behind. The ladder was unlit, so it was completely dark. Scott was worried about Dawn, as she lacked a vampire's night vision ability, but even so, without ambient light, Jeremiah's and Scott's visual acuity was hampered. Jeremiah dropped a light stick. They watched as the glow traveled down, down, down, finally striking the floor. It wasn't very bright, but at least it provided them with a visible goal.
Eventually they safely reached the floor. It was a chamber carved into the earth, roughly ten feet long and seven feet high. At the end opposite the ladder was a single door, a metal ship hatch similar to the submarine hatch above, but larger. There was no light other than the glow of the light stick. Again Jeremiah twisted the wheel, opening the door. There was no light within, but Jeremiah remembered a couple brackets on the walls that held torches. He took one and asked for a lighter.
"A lighter?" Scott responded. "Why would I have a lighter?"
"Well, we rather need one right now!"
"That's not my fault! You should have told me to bring a lighter! Why don't you have a lighter?"
"I usually have no need for one, Scott, so I forgot!"
"Boys!" Dawn said, "I have a lighter!"
She reached into her jeans pocket and removed a Zippo. Jeremiah held the torch before her, allowing her to ignite the oiled rag on top.
"What are you doing with a lighter?" Scott asked.
"Always be prepared, right?"
"Okay, sure."
Once more Jeremiah led the way, the light from the torch illuminating the subterranean tunnel. This particular tunnel was straight and seemed to have no end, but was so far not a problem. No surprises, no alarms. After a short distance, the tunnel gradually descended from the hard earth into basalt bedrock. A while after that, they finally came to an old wooden door, bound in rusty iron and faded from age. It had no lock. Scott looked toward the ceiling of the tunnel and noticed the first of Elizabeth's cameras, which was immediately adjacent to the door.
"Smile, everyone!" Scott said as he waved at the (hopefully non-functional) camera.
"Scott," Dawn growled, "Knock it off!"
"It's a camera."
"Dawn is right," Jeremiah said, "Quit messing around. We are here to do a job."
"You guys are no fun."
Jeremiah opened the door. It groaned mournfully as it slowly opened. "Look, pressure pads in the jambs," Jeremiah said. "These must trigger the cameras or the alarms."
They stepped into a chamber carved into basalt that was twice the height of Jeremiah, so it had plenty of headroom. "I remember this room from the last time," Dawn said, "Except... Jeremiah, shine your torch toward the floor."
The flickering light revealed tiles. The floor was covered with them. They were various dark shades, made perhaps of concrete, and large enough for a person to stand. "Now these," Dawn said, "These I don't remember."
"That's not good," Scott said.
"The tiles must have some meaning," Jeremiah said. He crouched down, took his torch and tapped it on one of the lighter-shaded tiles. Nothing. He then tapped on one of the darker tiles. There was a whooshing sound as a dart impaled itself on the torch.
"Oh, come on," Scott said. "Darts? That's not even imaginative. Who is Elizabeth trying to secure this place from? Indiana Jones? Hello!"
Jeremiah removed the dart and put it up to his nose. He then touched it to his tongue. "Rohypnol. A potent sedative that is illegal in the United States. This dart has enough to knock out a full-grown human easily, but not enough to cause permanent damage. It's certainly not capable of harming vampires."
"Capable of knocking out, but not killing?" Dawn asked.
"Not in this amount. However, were you to be hit with multiple darts, that might provide a more lethal dose."
"Yeah," Scott said, "We vampires like our food fresh."
"Yeah," Dawn said, "That's disturbing."
"Okay. So we step on the lighter colored tiles, and avoid the dark ones. Are we ready?"
Jeremiah once again took the lead, skipping across the room from light tile to light tile. No problem there as he made it to the other side of the chamber. "Now you do it!" He cried.
Dawn followed him. She stepped on the same tiles; again, thankfully, no problem, as she had the most to risk. With Dawn now safe, Scott began traipsing across the tiles.
When he was mortal, Scott was a real klutz. Two left feet, you know. But vampires are no klutzes, and in fact he moved less awkwardly these days. Still, there must be a sliding scale of vampiric grace, because Scott still must have been somewhere on the lower end of it. The fact that he hit a dark tile, and was immediately hit by a dart, stands as evidence of that.
"Ooowww! Jeremiah!" Scott cried, "You didn't say these darts were made of wood! Oh, it hurts like hell!"
"Well, what else would a dart be made of, Scott?"
"At least you won't get knocked out!" Dawn said.
"Yeah, well, the way it hurts, I wish I would!"
Scott pulled the small wooden spear out of his thigh and continued on, finally reaching the end of the chamber with no further injuries. He noted a camera to the upper right of the passage that led away from the chamber of darts; Scott hoped it wasn't recording for both the obvious reasons and the fact that he didn't want his embarrassing encounter with one of Elizabeth's darts recorded for posterity. Another iron bound wood door was inset into the passageway. Jeremiah reached for the door handle.
"Stop!" Scott cried.
"What?"
"There may be a surprise behind that door. Phaedra didn't know what it was, but she was sure there was some kind of surprise behind that door!"
"Then we'll just have to open it slowly, right, guys?" Dawn said. Jeremiah did as Dawn suggested. The door opened, revealing another long, dark stone-carved chamber, but nothing surprising.
"See?" Jeremiah said. "There is nothing to worry --"
The noise made by the wings of a thousand bats is pretty weird, almost like a big manually operated fan. In such a large throng of flying mammals, Scott was reminded of a windstorm. Scott and Jeremiah ducked, but Dawn did not. She didn't scream, but started beating the little beasts around her. As she was doing this, she stepped backward and slipped, almost falling back into the dart chamber. Scott grabbed her by the hand, preventing her from falling, then pulled her into the formerly bat-infested chamber. As Dawn was about to reach to embrace Scott, she gulped, her face turning an odd shade of green. Scott looked to his shoulder and noticed a bat sitting there, like a parrot on the shoulder of a stereotypical pirate. He wasn't terribly appalled by the little winged rodent and in fact he thought it was kind of cute.
"Nothing to be scared of, Dawn," Scott said, confident in his vampiric manliness (although, truth be told, when he was mortal, he probably would have passed right out at this point), "Actually, he's a cute little bugger. Ain't ya, batty?"
"Myotis californicus," Jeremiah said, "A fairly common species here, and harmless. It eats only insects."
"Well," Dawn said, "You guys are vampires, so, you're kind of related to bats, right? Vampire bats? You know, aren't you guys supposed to turn into bats?"
Scott shoulder-sitting bat buddy then flittered away.
"No, we do not turn into bats, and we are not at all related to them," Jeremiah said.
"We're not?" Scott asked. "That's too bad."
"Why?"
"Well, that would make me Batman! Get it?"
"I did not know Batman was a vampire."
"Well, he's not, he's just a rich guy with lots of tech--"
Dawn interrupted Scott's geek discourse. "Guys, I don't feel so good," she said as she collapsed to the floor.