''Deen?'' Ethan called from across the street with a worried look on his face.''Why are you crying again?'' He crossed the road, cars driving right through him. I cried, waiting for him to get to me.
''What's wrong, princess?'' He frowned, cupping my face with his cold hand.
I looked down, tears spilling from my eyes.''I can't do this without you'' I whispered as he touched my bottom lip with his thumb.
''Sure you can'' He kissed my forehead, pulling me into his chest.''She needs you, princess. Don't give up'' He whispered into my hair and I cried harder.
''I can't do this alone!'' I protested.
''You're not alone, you have a whole village of people caring about you. They love you, Mel. Come on, cheer up'' He chuckled, running his hand through my hair in the most comforting way. I missed his touch so much.
''That's nothing if I don't have you'' I shook my head, tears soaking into his t-shirt.
''Stop'' He pulled back a little, looking into my eyes with his piercing green ones.''Get it together, for her. Okay?''
I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't say a word.
''Please, princess'' He begged, kissing my nose gently.
''Stay with me, Summers'' I tried, gripping him as if he would disappear. Because he would.
''You know I can't do that...'' Tears slipped from his eyes and I cried out.''I have to go now, Deen'' He placed a kiss on my lips and I shook my head.
''I have to'' He let go of me and walked back onto the road, never turning around. Cars raced through him as he watched me sadly. ''I'm sorry'' He shook his head sadly.
With that, I was pulled out of my dream by my doctor's voice.''Ms.Deen, you have to eat'' She woke me up, a worried look in her eyes.''It is crucial to your pregnancy''
I squeezed my eyes shut at her last words.
Pregnancy.
I had been in this hospital for three days because I had to be monitored after fainting the night Ethan passed away. And I still couldn't believe I was carrying a child inside my body. His child.
''I can't eat'' I forced out, keeping my eyes shut.
''She needs you, princess'' Ethan's words from my most recent dream rang in my ears and I couldn't hear what the doctor said next. I shook my head, desperately trying to hear her.
I know she does, Ethan. But I can't do this.
''Sure you can''
''He talks to me in my dreams'' I let a tear slip, forcing myself to talk over Ethan's voice in my head.''Is it normal?'' I asked, knowing the answer. No, Melanie. It's not fucking normal! You're fucking insane just like your dead mother.
''It's normal'' The doctor placed a hand on my shoulder, frowning at the pain I was in.''You're grieving, Ms.Deen. Anything is normal when a pregnant woman is grieving...when anyone is grieving'' She sighed.
Pregnant woman.
***
I brushed my hair slowly, trying not to think too much about the day ahead.
I loved him.
And he loved me.
But loving me is a death sentence, isn't it?
''Are you ready to go?'' Julia walked in, wearing all black. She had an intense look of sorrow on her face and I wanted to throw up. It didn't help that I had morning sickness every day now.
''No'' I shook my head, not showing too much emotion because I was drained. Mentally, physically...drained. I was already dressed and ready, overall. But I was definitely not ready for what was to come.
''I just want to go back to sleep and talk to him again. I want to see him again...'' I whispered, staring down at my stomach. There was a small yet visible bump forming and it made everything feel a lot more real. I was really growing my dead love's child in me.
''Oh, darling'' Julia choked up, immediately rushing to my side.''You'll be alright. Okay? He's always going to watch over you two. Forever and always. He'll protect you two from the whole world, trust me!'' She hugged me close to her body, rocking me back and forth.
I pulled away as soon as I started getting flashbacks from when I rocked Ethan's lifeless body back and forth. I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. I knew she was waiting for me to tell her I'd be alright. But I couldn't lie.
''I'll never be alright again'' I shook my head, staring at the ground blankly.
***
I drowned out the sobbing and sniffling as they lowered his casket into the ground. Chills ran through my body and I shut my eyes to take a deep breath.
I had no tears because they were all gone. So I just stared blankly, his smile flashing in my mind every other second. I looked up to the sky, hoping that he was somewhere up there. I couldn't know for sure, but I could hope.
Arms wrapped around me and I brought my gaze down, my head spinning a little.''It's alright, Meg'' I patted her back, my voice holding no emotion. I knew she felt like shit about everything, but I didn't have the strength in me to help her.
''I'm so sorry, Mel'' She cried into my shoulder, her body shaking against mine. I looked up at the sky again, silently hoping I would magically get the mental strength to make her feel better.
Dylan appeared by my side, slowly taking Meg's arms off me. She hugged him tightly and my heart clenched. You can't really be jealous of a grieving couple, Mel.
My gaze was soon on Quinn, who was whispering words of support into Trent's ear as he shook with tears. I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. You're sick, Melanie Deen. You can't be jealous of them all. It's your fault you don't have him anymore.
I nodded at my thoughts, opening my eyes slowly.
''Darling?'' Julia's voice met my ears. I looked to my side, noticing her stiff stance.''Can I?'' She asked, extending her arms.
I looked away. Good enough, I suppose.
She hugged me, running her fingers through my hair and telling me to let it all out. But there was nothing left. I couldn't even cry because I was empty.
''Are you feeling alright?'' She pulled away, glancing at my stomach. She was constantly worried about my child, which was sweet I suppose.
I nodded in response.
As alright as a pregnant orphan who lost the only guy she ever loved, could be.
''Maybe we should move now?'' She asked, looking around before meeting my gaze again.''You could start fresh. Forget all of this and just...move on''
I nodded once.
''Melanie?'' Someone called from behind me. It was Tyler. I didn't respond, just stared at the sky blankly.
''I'll be back in a second, okay?'' Julia gave my arm a gentle squeeze, leaving me with Tyler.
Tyler stepped closer, now standing right beside me. He looked up at the sky as well, sighing heavily. At that moment, I felt the need to speak to him.
''How did you know?'' I asked, still staring at the sky.
With the corner of my eyes, I could see him staring at me.
''Know what?'' He asked mindlessly.
''How did you know we had to go see him?'' I let my gaze fall from the sky to his brown eyes. He frowned deeply and the atmosphere became heavier than it was before.
''At the bar,'' He began, dragging a hand down his tired face.''He looked at me with this...this intense stare. He was trying to tell me something. He glanced down at you and then at me...he knew that I-''
He stopped talking, trying to find the right words.
''He knew that I had feelings for you'' He admitted, nodding.''I think he was telling me to take good care of you with that stare...'' He trailed off, heavy emotions in his eyes.
My heart clenched.
Trust Ethan to make sure someone else saved me if he couldn't...
''I was confused at first but then I was walking you home and I had a weird feeling...'' He explained further.''A cop's intuition, you now?''
I nodded.
''And then we found him'' I spoke coldly, staring out at our friends. They were all broken and the atmosphere was suffocating me. I looked at Tyler, trying to find the right words for him. He had feelings for me and I never even thought that was possible. How did Ethan know and I didn't?
I shook my head, far too exhausted to be thinking about all that.
''Can we leave?'' I asked him quietly.
His eyes met mine and I noticed how much feeling they held. ''Of course. Anything you want'' He nodded, wrapping an arm around my waist to help me get to his car. I got in, feeling dizzy. He told me to wait for a minute and walked off to talk to everyone.
They all nodded in understanding and I looked away.
I hated feeling people's pity.
***
I curled up on Tyler's couch, watching some random Tv show absentmindedly.
Tyler somehow knew that all I needed was peace and quiet. No talking, no pity, no hugs, no 'you will be alright'...just peace and quiet. So I watched Tv on his couch for hours, pushing away the events of the day.
After the tenth episode of whatever show was on, he walked in through the front door with a big fluffy blanket and a grocery bag. I hadn't even noticed him leaving...
I stared at the Tv screen, watching him take the tag off the blanket with the corner of my eye. He soon covered me with it, making sure my feet were covered too. I sighed.
''Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?'' He asked randomly.
I shrugged.
''Oh, alright'' He whispered, sitting down beside my curled up body.
''The doctors don't know yet but I know'' I decided to speak. He looked at me, not really understanding. I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath.''He says ''she'' in my dreams, so I know it's a girl'' I explained.
He smiled sadly, rubbing my foot in a comforting way.''A tiny Melanie, that's cute'' He nodded, thinking about it for a while.
''I think she'll look like him'' I blurted out, speaking normally for the first time in what seemed like forever.''She'll have his green eyes and brown hair...she'll grow up and have that piercing stare that he had. I bet she'll be moody as heck, just like him too''
''She'll be the cutest'' Tyler's eyes filled with tears but he smiled.
''That's if I can keep her alive'' I muttered, glancing down at my stomach. He scooted closer, placing a warm hand on my stomach. I watched as he smiled down at it.
''I'll help you do that'' He whispered, still looking down at my stomach. I felt tears prickle my eyes and I smiled to myself.
''Ethan knew who to pick'' I whispered, watching as he slowly looked up at me.
''He was a good guy'' Tyler nodded, his eyes growing sadder by the second.''I'm glad I got to know him...even if he hated me a little'' He chuckled sadly.
I shook my head at this, placing a hand on his.''He didn't hate you'' I sighed.''I don't think he ever really hated anyone...he just acted as if he did''
Tyler thought about it for a second before nodding.''He's probably jealous right now, though. Definitely glaring at me...jaw clenched, gritted teeth, hands balled into fists, the whole package'' He chuckled, remembering Ethan.
''Sounds about right'' I smiled at this.