"What... what the?"
Tim was still reclining on the bank of the small stream as he stared in horror at his friend. He was beginning to be able to form words as he looked at this nightmare come real, this nightmare that was now standing before him, towering over him, this nightmare that had once been his best friend.
"Tim?" Scott asked. "Tim?"
Both Larry and Dawn now stood beside Scott, with Bernie soon joining them. Tim could not get up, not yet. Fear would not allow him to move, as his vision bounced from the vampire, to Dawn, then to Larry. These people, these crazy, insane people, were standing beside this monster. What were they thinking? Surely they could see what Scott had become, and yet, they stood beside him, without fear. Were they consumed by madness?
Scott allowed his humanity to return, his fangs retreating as his eyes once again took a normal appearance. "Tim? Tim, it's me, Scott."
Tim's eyes kept bouncing, from Scott, to Dawn, to Larry. They yet stood side by side with him. How? Why? The questions flooded Tim's fear-drenched mind.
"Scott?" Tim whimpered, "That... that's you?"
"Yeah, Tim, it's me. I'm still here, buddy."
Larry put his hand on Scott's left shoulder as Dawn clasped her arms around his waist. "Tim," Larry said, "It's all true. I guess we owe you some explanations."
"So," Tim said, "Scott is a vampire. And you... you all knew about this?"
"Yes, Tim," Dawn said, "We know. Believe me, we know what you're going through. When I found out that Scott was a vampire, the circumstances were, well, kind of traumatic."
"How long have you guys known? Pastor Larry?"
"Well, it's been a couple years."
"A couple years? Seriously? You've been keeping this for a couple years? Dawn?"
"Yeah, not long after Larry."
Scott reached out to Tim. Hesitantly, Tim took his hand, and Scott helped him rise from the forest floor. Tim then dusted himself off. "That would explain your upper body strength, considering you've never been to a gym in your life. So, I'm safe, right?"
"Yes, Tim. You are absolutely safe. Just because I'm a monster doesn't mean that I'm a monster, or something like that."
"I don't get it. Why did you never tell me? I mean, I'm your best friend!"
"I wanted to, Tim. Believe me, I wanted to. I just couldn't."
"Couldn't? Why not?"
"Well, several reasons, really. First, I was afraid of how you'd react. Yes, this is one vampire who is afraid. I was afraid that you would reject me. Fear me. Even hate me. I didn't want that, Tim. I wanted one friend who was normal."
"And Larry and I aren't normal?" Dawn asked.
"That's not what I mean, sweetheart, I mean someone who was unaware of what I was, because I was afraid that would cloud their judgment. But I've learned, with the help of Pastor Larry and Dawn, that I can be accepted for who I am, in spite of what I've become. That I can even be loved."
"But, does this mean you have no soul?"
"Actually, apparently, I do have a soul. I mean, I've been to Heaven, so, you know --"
"Wait. You've been to Heaven?"
"Long story. I'll tell you all about it sometime, which kind of leads me into the next reason why I didn't tell you. The fact is, knowing what I am can be kind of dangerous."
"Dangerous? No kidding!"
"Dangerous, for other than the obvious reasons. The danger isn't from me. Not directly, anyway, so long as I'm keeping up with my 'special diet"."
"By 'special diet', I take it you mean..."
"Yep. The obvious. It's taken from medical sources, so it's cruelty-free and sustainable. See? Us vampires are concerned about that kind of stuff!"
Scott's attempt at humor was once again lost, as often tended to be the case. "Uh huh, medical sources, you mean, like, blood that can be used in transfusions?"
"Actually, it's medical waste blood."
"Eww!" Dawn sneered. Larry took a step back from Scott.
"What? You guys don't have to drink it!"
"Still," Dawn said, "There are some things you don't want to know. Remind me not to kiss you after you've been drinking!"
"Yeah, well, you don't know what you're missing. Anyway, so long as I keep that up, no problem."
"And if you don't?" Tim asked.
"Well, then I become weak and lethargic."
"Oh. See, that's not so bad."
"Yeah, except the next stage after that is the bloodlust, in which case we pretty much feed on anything and anybody nearby. But you don't have to worry, I've got plenty of the bagged stuff, and can source plenty more where that came from, so I'm good."
"That's good to know, I guess. So, that explains why we don't do lunch anymore."
"Suffice it to say, I'm not the danger. But this whole life I now have... ah, it's real complicated."
"Uncomplicate it for me, then."
"Here's the condensed version: I was turned by a rogue vampire who thought I matched the description of some foretold 'deliverer' in some vampiric prophecy. He tried using me as a pawn in a game of vampire politics. Anyway, it turns out that there are two organizations that monitor and control vampires and their activities: one is an organization called Ministry. They're basically monster slayers and vampire hunters, like you've seen in those TV shows you like. By the way, since we're being so honest here, Dawn is now working for Ministry."
Dawn took a bow. "On weekends, I sing in the choir and help lead the youth group at church. The rest of the week, I fight vampires and other creatures. It's a living."
"Wow," Tim said, "So that really is a thing? Just like in the movies? How did you get into that?"
"Through one of Scott's misadventures. Turns out I'm good at killing werewolves."
"Oh, now you're telling me werewolves are a thing?"
"Yeah," Scott said, "They are. You know that Japanese kid who works with me? You've met him, he's gonna be one of my groomsmen?"
"You mean Zed?"
"Yeah. Werewolf."
"No shit?"
"Well, werewolf-slash-skin walker hybrid. Another long story there."
"And that big black guy who is also gonna be one of your groomsmen, Jeremiah?"
"He's a very ancient and highly feared vampire, who now works for Ministry. Hey, by the way, Dawn, did I tell you Jeremiah actually met Jesus?"
"What?" Dawn cried. "You mean, the only begotten Son of God, that Jesus?"
"The very one!"
"And now you're telling me you know a guy who actually met Jesus?" Tim asked.
"Yeah, well, anyway," Scott said, "Back to my story. Ministry isn't the threat to me, considering I work for them part time. The guys who may be the threat are the other players in the vampire control game – and that's the House."
"The House?"
"Yeah. They're the local vampire government. They also have a stake -- sorry, bad choice of words -- in the control of vampire behavior. They try to keep us vampires out of the news as much as possible, which is one of the things that almost got me killed a couple years back. Remember Clackatonic Faire?"
"Oh, yeah. I take it that was you as a vampire?"
"Exactly. My introduction to the House was soon after that. They didn't appreciate my heroism. In fact, they wanted to kill me for it."
"Man! How did you survive?"
"That's another long story. It involved a trial to determine my ethical qualifications for being a monster."
"Whoa! A trial?"
"Yep. In front of an Inquisitor, a sort of judge, who they had to fly in from Scotland."
"Scotland?"
"Anyway, they cleared me. Found me worthy of being a vampire, wouldn't you know. And it's been downhill ever since."
"I wouldn't say that, Scott," Dawn said. "We've had some good times together, haven't we?"
"Yeah, sure, if you count fighting werewolf gods, Nazi demons, vampire bikers, zombies, witches, and an evil version of me as a 'good time', then yeah, good times."
Tim shook his head, pondering the flood of impossible information he was receiving. "Man, that is heavy."
"Man, you said it, brother," Bernie said.
"Now," Scott said to Tim, "Can you see why I haven't told you about all this?"
Tim began to nod his head, but nod then turned to shake. "Yeah... no! No, Scott, no, I don't. Scott, we've been friends for, well, forever, basically, and you couldn't tell me about this? Scott, you've told me some of your deepest secrets, and have I ever betrayed your trust?"
"No, but Tim—"
"Now, just a minute, Scott. You could tell Larry—"
"Larry is my counselor, he has been for long before this happened!"
"Please, leave me out of this," Larry said.
"And Dawn?"
"Um," Dawn said, "Ah, he didn't exactly tell me."
"Oh? Then how did you find out Scott was a vampire?"
"Well, I was kidnapped by the vampire who turned Scott, and, anyway, it isn't something I like to think about much. But because I went through that experience, I can understand why Scott avoided telling anyone. I mean, even after I knew what he was, Scott went out of his way to avoid a relationship with me. He sought to keep me as far away as he could."
"It's true," Scott said, "Only Dawn wouldn't let me keep her away. She was very persistent. And very persuasive. And she proved me wrong, at the battle of Hibbert's Corner."
"Hibbert's Corner?" Tim asked. "Isn't that the town not too far from here that the EPA shut down due to it being built on top of a toxic waste dump?"
"That's the official story, anyway. Ministry is one of those shadowy organizations with tentacles. Not literal tentacles, I mean, apparently, they've been fighting with another shadowy organization that has actual tentacles, not that I would know anything about that. But anyway, yeah, Ministry worked with the federal government to cover that up."
"Nice to know where my tax dollars are going."
"What I'm saying, Tim, is that knowing me, and knowing what I am, can be very dangerous. Dawn knows that better than anyone."
"Does your mom know?"
"No, and I've been trying to keep it that way, but I think she knows more than she's letting on. I suppose that even though I've tried to keep her safe, she's actually been more at peril than I care to think about, especially considering all the vampires she has unwittingly invited into her home."
"So, other than present company, what other, uh, non-monsters, I guess, know you're a vampire?"
"Mostly agents of Ministry, and Jasmine Harris, from church, who I helped rescue from human trafficking vampires. And Laura."
Tim noticed that Scott's voice trailed off as he mentioned his ex-wife's name. "Laura knows? How?"
"Well, it's not a pleasant topic, but I suppose you must know. Remember last year? There was the time when Dawn had to tell you to avoid me at all costs?"
"Yeah, I didn't quite get that, at the time. So there was something going on behind that, wasn't there?"
"Yes, there was. Basically, this is where it gets really weird."
"It's really weird already."
"Yeah. Okay, I was killed and my body was resurrected. The witch that resurrected me left my soul out, so the Scott that was walking around was purely evil. We had to figure out a way to get my soul back into my body, which eventually we did. But until then, I, evil me, did a lot of damage, and some of that damage was to Laura."
"Oh my god. You killed Laura's fiancé! Didn't you?"
Scott winced. "Every day, I still struggle with the shame and regret over what I caused. You've got to understand, I had no control. Me, the real me, was not in my body at the time, and my body did what its appetites told it to do. All the negative feelings I had toward my ex-wife were magnified, and evil me acted on that."
"I suppose that's why Laura now hates you, and why I never could get a reason out of you."
"Yeah. That's it. The plain fact is, I don't like talking about a lot of the stuff I've seen and done. There are just some things you can't unsee and some things you can't take back. My life has been filled with one set of horrors and regrets after another."
Dawn hugged Scott, resting her head on his shoulder. "And I can attest to what Scott is saying. I'm not the same person I was before this all happened to Scott. There are lots of things that I can't forget about either. But as terrifying and hard as it's been, I wouldn't give up those experiences, not for the world, because they've made me stronger. And they've given me the love of my life."
Scott gently kissed Dawn on the top of her head. "There's only one thing I don't regret, that I would never give up, and that is sharing these misadventures with you, Dawn."
Tim once again nodded his head. "Okay. After everything you just told me, I get it. I guess I can't really fault you for keeping me in the dark. It's a lot of real heavy stuff to process. But still, I wish you would have told me. I'm your friend, Scott, and whatever you've got going on, I think I can handle it."
"I dunno, Tim. I mean, I'm not sure I've been able to handle it, and I'm the vampire."
"Yeah, well, you're still you, and you've never been able to handle stuff well."
At last, Tim had done what he had done for years – made a joke at Scott's expense. In his experience, this was a sign of normalcy and acceptance. It was a good sign. Scott smiled. "So, does this mean we're good?"
Tim likewise smiled. "As long as you promise not to drink my blood!"
"I dunno. I try not to make promises I can't keep."
"What... Oh, I see what you did there!"
Now both Dawn and Larry were smiling. Scott extended his hand to his friend, hoping for a friendly shake. He was happily surprised when Tim put his arms around him and embraced him warmly.
"I've never hugged a vampire before," Tim said, "And I don't plan on making it a practice!"
Bernie was obviously moved as tears started coming to his eyes. "Bernie!" Cried Dawn. "Are you okay?"
"It's just... aw, this is so beautiful, man!" Bernie responded as he opened his arms wide. "Okay, guys, group hug. We gotta do this. Come on, bring it in!"