"I'm really looking forward to this," Scott said to Dawn as he drove the Mach I Mustang down highway 101 en route to a campsite in the foothills of the Oregon Coast range, just north of Florence. "I haven't been camping in a long time, not since my dad passed away. This'll be fun. Don't you think so, sweetheart?"
Silence. Stone cold silence. That is the way it had been since Scott picked up a still stewing Dawn from her home. It made for a rather tense journey, a tension he tried breaking every now and then with a tidbit of conversation or a bad joke. Dawn would not be moved.
"I'm real glad Jeremiah is going to try and find more info on that elf. Well, he and Cressida, anyway."
The name of Cressida invoked the only response Dawn had given yet the whole trip – an angry glare from the hateful ginger. Scott was a vampire, and had seen some frightening things in his time among the undead, but the cold stare from the scorned redhead was by far the most terrifying. I probably shouldn't have mentioned Cressida, Scott told himself, in a rare moment of all-too-obvious clarity. Dawn then looked away as she shot daggers from her flaming eyes.
"So, it's the silent treatment, huh? Okay, I get it. You know, that's real mature, Dawn."
"Mature?" Dawn roared. "And going to a strip club, that's mature?"
"Dawn, I told you, it wasn't my fault. I was forced!"
"You were forced. Uh huh. And how were you forced?"
"Well, there was Zed, and two other guys."
"Was Zed in his werewolf mode?"
"No, he wasn't."
"And the two other guys, how were they so overpoweringly strong that they were able to subdue a vampire?"
"Actually, they were skinny little computer geeks, but that's not the point."
"You could have taken them, easily!"
"Not every problem should be resolved with violence, Dawn."
"Or maybe you didn't want to 'resolve the problem', Scott!"
"Dawn, that's not true!"
"Whatever," Dawn again looked away from Scott, effectively ending the conversation. There was not a further sound from her until they pulled into the campsite parking lot. Pastor Larry and Tim O'Neill had beaten them there, Tim having gone into the woods to set up his tent, while Larry remained in the lot, hovering around his minivan. He waved at the newcomers. Dawn got out of the car, ran up to Larry and gave him a hug.
"Wow," Scott said as he looked about the otherwise empty lot, "This place is way off the beaten path, so to speak. Tim really knows his obscure campsites!"
"That's why we're not allowing him to plan any more camp outs," Larry responded. "By the way, Tim's wife Ellen is sick, so you guys are the only couple out here. Speaking of which, how is the happy young couple?"
"Not so happy," Dawn said.
"Oh? Why not?"
"Scott went to a strip club."
"Dawn!" Scott whined. "Thanks a lot!"
"Scott? Really? You went to a strip club?"
"It wasn't my idea, Larry! I was tricked into it!"
"Yeah," Dawn said, "But once you were there, you didn't seem to be in a hurry to leave."
"Dawn, you do remember that's where someone tried to kill me?"
"It's a shame they didn't succeed."
"Wait," Larry said, "Someone tried to kill you?"
"Yes, but not too successfully," Scott replied.
"Yeah, you're gonna have to tell me about that later. Strip club? Really, Scott?"
"It wasn't my idea!"
"Oh boy. Looks like I'll have to break out those counseling books after all."
"Can you break them out on Scott's head?" Dawn asked.
"Now, Dawn," Larry responded, "Is going to a strip club the worst thing Scott has ever done?"
"No, of course it's not."
"What if he promises never to go to a strip club again?"
"I do!" Scott cried. "I promise! Cross my heart with a chainsaw! I will never go into a strip club again!"
"I'm unconvinced," Dawn said, as she headed towards the campsite, leaving Larry and Scott standing by themselves in the parking lot.
"She's worse than Laura," Scott said as he watched his fiancée stomp off into the woods. Larry clapped his hand on Scott's back.
"True, Laura was not that, uh, passionate?"
"Yeah, but then Dawn is a redhead, so I should have expected this."
"You think? By the way, Scott: a strip club? Really?"
"It was not my idea, Larry!"
Larry chuckled. "Yeah, you keep saying that."
*
The moon hung heavy over a crisp, cool night. Tim, Larry, and the uncommunicative couple had dinner cooked over the open campfire, after which Dawn decided that she needed to take a walk. She kept to a hiking trail as she soon found herself in an open area alongside a babbling stream. She found a bench carved from a fallen fir and took a seat, looking at the peaceful stream as the light of the moon reflected on the shimmering waters. Of course, Scott was soon on her trail.
"Oh, you found me."
"Of course I did. I smelled your perfume on the air way back from camp, and heard you as you walked down the path."
"Oh, yeah, I bet you did. I mean, you have those mad vampire skills."
Scott sat down next to her. She did not move, nor did she look at him, but gazed at the bubbling brook.
"Yeah, mad vampire skills. Can we talk, Dawn?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Dawn, I know you're mad at me over the 'strip club' thing, and I really want to apologize. I never meant to hurt you. It was a stupid thing, and I really can promise that I'll never be that stupid again."
Dawn sighed. "It's not just that, and it's not just you. It's the whole reality of this thing we're about to do. I'm about to promise you the rest of my life, whatever that means. And I am scared, Scott. I mean, to me, it's scarier than facing evil vampires, or werewolves, or zombies."
"I'm scared too, Dawn, especially considering that the first time around for me didn't work out that well. Look, Dawn, you are an amazing young woman. You are the most caring, smartest, and sexiest woman I've ever known, and I mean that. You deserve all the happiness God can give a person. I know I've given you more grief than you deserve. You deserve better. If you want to back out, hey, I totally understand."
Dawn looked at Scott, her eyes moist and red. "No! Scott, I may be scared, but I know that this is what I want. God help me, you are what I want. You are the most caring and smartest man I've ever known, Scott. And I mean the 'man' part."
"And the sexiest?"
"Don't push it."
"So, do you forgive me?"
Dawn moved in close. "Oh, I forgave you a long time ago. I just wanted to watch you squirm."
"You are evil, you know that?"
Dawn leaned in even closer, their lips touching as they began a series of kisses, gentle at first, but deeper and longer as time progressed. Soon, they were holding each other tightly, their lips and bodies entwined, unaware of the dark arboreal beauty surrounding them -- and also, apparently, of the approach of Tim O'Neill. Tim was not the stealthiest person, as he made his way up the hiking trail.
"Oh there you are!" Tim said. "Oh god... Larry! Pastor Larry! Dawn and Scott are getting jiggy with it!"
"Tim!" Scott said, "Your timing really sucks, you know that?"
"My timing is amazing, obviously!"
Dawn glared at Tim, embarrassment soon replaced by anger. "How long have you been there, Tim? Have you been stalking us?"
"I'm trying to protect your honor, Dawn!"
"Yeah, well, my honor is quite fine without your help, thank you very much!" Pastor Larry soon caught up to the group.
"What's going on, Tim?" Larry asked.
"Things were getting heated here, but I handled it!"
"More like 'interrupted'," Scott said.
"Am I going to have to separate all of you?" Larry asked. "Really, guys! But at least Dawn and Scott are now talking!"
"Oh, they were doing more than talking!"
"Tim, shut up!" Scott ordered.
"Oh, yeah? You gonna make me?"
"No, I'm serious, Tim, Shut up."
He meant it, that time. Scott heard noises from afar, sounds that only his vampiric hearing could pick up on. He could tell that these sounds, dragging and stomping through the woods, were heading straight for them. Tim could tell that Scott was now completely serious.
"What is it, Scott?" Dawn asked.
Scott shushed her. "I hear something. Something big, and by the sound of it, headed this way."
Tim snorted. "What? I can't hear anything. Can you, Larry?"
Larry knew better than to question Scott's abilities. "Just, be quiet and listen, Tim."
"Listen? To what? I can't hear a damn thing!"
Scott pointed northward, across the stream. "It's coming, through those trees."
"What should we do, Scott?" Larry asked. "Should we get out of here?"
"Yeah... no, wait." Scott sniffed the air. A familiar scent caught his attention as he turned to Dawn and smiled. She nodded, not needing any further sign from Scott that she should relax her defensive posture. A knowing smile formed on her face.
"What?" Tim asked, "What are you smelling? I don't smell anything!"
"Oh, you'll catch it soon, Tim."
"Catch what? Oh, now I smell it, faintly. It smells like body odor... bad body odor. And is that marijuana?"
The large bipedal fur-covered creature came crashing through the trees, as though preparing for attack. It cleared the forest and stood at the edge of the stream, looking upon the interlopers who had dared entered its domain. Upon seeing the intruders, the beast stood upright, its face softening as a large smile flashed on its ape-like face.
"Well, I'll be," Bernie the sasquatch roared, "Vampire dude! And little sister!"
"Bernie!" Dawn cried, as she launched herself from her seat next to Scott. Sasquatch and young woman met almost halfway across the stream, and Dawn hugged the massive furry monster.
Tim was frozen, jaw opened wide, eyes almost bugging out of his head. Larry had an almost similar reaction, but since he knew of the existence of such creatures and of their true nature, he recovered quickly from the initial shock.
"Bernie!" Scott said, "What the heck are you doing out here?"
"Me? Nuthin' much, just chillin', you know. What's with these dudes?" Bernie pointed at Tim. Tim was just standing there, unable to speak.
"Oh, that's my good friend Tim O'Neill. He's... well, anyway. And the other man is my pastor, Larry Parker."
"Pastor?"
"Uh, yeah," Larry answered. "That's me."
"Cool, man of the cloth, I dig. So, are you a vampire too? I didn't know they allowed that. Is this, like, a vampire camp out or something?"
At the mention of the word "vampire", Scott waved his hands, motioning to Bernie that perhaps he shouldn't have used the word. Dawn looked around nervously.
"Uh, Bernie?" Scott tried whispering, "Ixnay on the ampirevay!"
"What?" Bernie asked. "I didn't get that. Could you repeat that?"
Dawn leaned into the large creature. "Maybe you shouldn't mention the vampire thing, Bernie."
"Why not? What's wrong with vampires? I mean, other than the whole 'I vaunt to suck your blood' thing. I mean, vampire dude here is pretty righteous for a vampire, isn't he? Oh," Finally, the light went on in Bernie's brain. "Oh, okay, you don't want me mentioning... I mean... vampire? Did I say vampire? Where's a vampire? I don't see any vampires here! No, sir, no vampires here!"
Finally, Tim has regained enough composure to be able to speak. "Wait. So you... you're Bigfoot?"
"Actually," Dawn told Tim, "They prefer to be called 'sasquatch'."
"Yeah," Bernie said, "That's generally true. Although, the alliteration is kinda cool sounding. 'Bernie the Bigfoot', yeah, that's me!"
Tim cleared his throat. "So, Bigfoot... excuse me, sasquatch... is real. And you guys don't seem to be surprised by this. More than unsurprised, in Dawn's case. It's like you're old friends."
"Well," Dawn responded. "We are old friends."
"Totally," Bernie agreed.
"Okay, and what's this about 'vampires'?"
All present avoided Tim's gaze, especially Scott, as he wished he wasn't there at this particular time.
"Now, Tim," Scott said, "You know that there is no such thing as vampires, don't you?"
"Uh, yeah! And there's no such thing as sasquatch, either, right?"
"Yo, right here," Bernie said.
"Right," Tim looked around, from Scott, to Larry, then to Dawn, all of who sought to avoid his gaze. "Guys? Seriously, guys? What aren't you telling me? Scott?"
"Okay, Tim?" Scott said, "Let me preface this by saying that there are some things -- a lot of things -- that aren't that easy to explain."
"Well, no shit, Sherlock! I mean," Tim waved his hand toward Bernie. "Chewbacca here, for example!"
"Uh, Bernie," Bernie said.
"Uh, yeah! So, maybe, someone needs to start explaining things to me. Obviously I'm on the outside, here!"
"Tim, you're my best friend, right? I mean, other than Dawn, and Larry?"
"At least I thought so!"
"Let me put it this way: there are some things that, if you knew them, could put you, or me, for that matter, in grave danger. I tried to keep you, and as many people as possible, out of the loop for as long as I could. But it seems that the more I keep trying to keep people out," Scott then looked at Dawn, who returned his gaze with equal affection, "The more I am reminded that I'm not in this alone."
"You? Scott, what are you talking about?"
Scott drew a deep breath. "Tim, I'm a vampire."
"Okay. Scott, you know I love vampire movies! Come on! At least make up something imaginative!"
"Tim, please, I'm serious. I really am a vampire."
"No! No way. Larry? Tell me he's kidding!"
Larry did not look up, nor did he answer. Tim shifted his attention to Dawn. "Dawn?" He asked, and got similar results.
Bernie started looking about, as though he were figuring an escape plan. "Hey," he said, "You know, this is getting a little awkward. Maybe I should scoot?"
"No!" They cried in unison.
"Okay then."
"Tim, I'm telling you the truth," Scott said. "I am a vampire. Think about the last couple years and everything you've observed about me and my behavior."
"I just chalked that up to your accident, thinking it affected your brain. I mean, you did die."
"I did die, Tim, and I stayed dead, or undead, as the case may be. And it really wasn't an accident, but that's not important right now."
"Okay, well then, how do you explain being able to go out in the daylight? I mean, without exploding?"
"It's not like the movies, Tim. Besides, if you're familiar with Bram Stokers' vision of vampires, they were able to walk about in daylight. It's sort of like that. Some of our abilities are zapped, and can't go into full-on vampire mode, because then we'd explode, as you say."
"Uh, huh. Where are the fangs, then? If you're a vampire, you gotta have fangs, right? Where are they?"
"My regular human teeth sort of morph, magically, I guess. I mean, I'm not really sure, it just sort of happens. I mean, it doesn't hurt, in fact I can barely feel it when it happens."
"Uh huh, yeah, magically morph."
"Scott?" Larry said, "Maybe... maybe you'll have to show him. Like you did for me, remember?"
"Yeah, Yeah. Show him. Okay, Tim, you seem to have some trouble believing that I am a vampire. Right?"
"Yeah, of course I'm having some trouble with it. Wouldn't you?"
"Yes, of course I would. Okay then. Tim, what I am about to show has got to remain between you and me, and Larry and Dawn, and Bernie. But I want you to know I am not going to harm you. You will be fine. Please try not to overreact when you see it, okay?"
"Okay."
With a slight twist of his head, Scott's human appearance began to retreat as the beast revealed itself. His eyes darkened, becoming blacker than the night itself. Fangs sprang out from his jaws, glistening white reflecting the light of the moon, with tips sharper than razors. To Tim, the change was horrifying, as he stepped back then slipped and fell on his rear end. He stared in terror at this thing that once was his best friend, now twisted into something unrecognizable. Tim's eyes widened, revealing the fear that he could not speak aloud, as he gazed up into the face that to him was the manifestation of pure evil.
"Now do you believe, Tim?" Scott growled.
Tim could scarcely form intelligent thoughts at this juncture, let alone speak intelligible words. A quiet squeaking noise came from his throat.