"This isn't what I would call a 'romantic evening out', Dawn," Scott told his fiancée, their backs to each other as they stood in the middle of the seedy dive bar, surrounded by a group of very hungry-looking leather- and denim- clad vampires.
"You don't?" The red-haired young woman responded. "Come on! Don't you know that the family that slays together, stays together?"
"I was envisioning candlelight, a nice dinner, some wine, and maybe some passionate necking. Being surrounded by a bunch of pissed-off vampire bikers wasn't what I had in mind. Besides, didn't you tell me we weren't here to slay anybody?"
"I did," She replied, as she gripped a Taser gun in one hand and a wood stake in the other, "We don't have to kill these guys. All we need is some information, that's all. Besides, a nice dinner? Really? Scott, you don't eat food."
"Yeah, I keep forgetting that. Anyway, all we need is the location of their treasurer, Marty McConnell."
"He is wanted by Ministry and Enforcement. Seems he has an appetite for young women."
"Yeah, he does," One of the denim-clad vampires said. The gang separated, allowing a tall, muscular, grey-haired and sunglass-wearing vampire to step up to Dawn and Scott. "Marty is especially fond of young red heads. Can't say as I blame him." A smile suddenly appeared on the tall biker vampires' face as he extended his hand. "Name's Bill. Bill Clawson. I'm the Road Captain for the local chapter of the Bloodlusters."
"Oh," Scott said as he shook Bill's hand, "Okay, it's nice to meet you, Bill. I'm Scott Campbell."
"Oh, no shit? Scott Campbell? The Scott Campbell?"
"Ah, you've heard of me?"
"Well, of course!" Bill turned to his gang. "Hey, guys! This here is none other than Scott Campbell. You know, the 'Chosen One'. The guy who beat Jack at his own game."
A couple of the vampire bikers grunted their acknowledgement. Beyond that, the gang was obviously unimpressed.
"Well, what can I say. Bunch of ignoramuses, am I right? Anyway, Scott... may I call you Scott?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Scott. It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. And since you are Scott Campbell, this lovely young thing must be... wait for it... Dawn. Rhinebeck. Am I right?"
"You are," Dawn did not ease the tense grip she held on either the stake or the Taser. Bill bowed his head to her.
"A pleasure. You are as lovely as you are deadly. Such a nice combination of beauty and toughness." Bill looked Dawn up and down, obviously appreciative of the view.
"Hey there!" Scott growled, "That's my fiancée! Watch where you're going with those eyes, mister!"
"Well, no shit! You're engaged? Congratulations! This is a lovely turn of events. Absolutely lovely, which is really too bad, all things considered."
"Why would you say that it's really too bad?" Dawn asked.
"Because it's like this: there's no way in hell any of us would give up our brother in arms to the likes of you, especially considering that we already owe you for another of our brothers who you just happened to murder."
"You guys gotta understand," Scott said, "Cerdic had death warrants from both Ministry and Enforcement."
"And he got what he deserved!" Dawn spat.
"Dawn?" Scott whispered, "You're aggravating a room full of really pissed-off biker vampires. You may not want to do that."
"Enough small talk," Dawn growled as she glared at Bill, "Where's Marty?"
"Now, now, young lady," Bill said, "I told you, we aren't going to tell you a god damn thing. However, since you decided to crash our hangout, I don't want to appear ungracious. So, I'll just step aside, and let my boys here rip you to shreds. Such a waste, what lovely shreds they are."
"Uh, Scott? I thought we were going to have backup. Where's our backup?"
"Oh, I'm sure she's taking her sweet time."
It seemed Scott was right. However, as the gang began to close in on them, the main door of the tavern swung open. Elizabeth strutted in and headed for the bar.
"There's our backup, Bill!" Scott said. "Elizabeth! The Pitbull of the Portland House! You don't want to mess with her!"
All eyes were on Elizabeth as she took a barstool and called to the bartender. "Bourbon. Neat."
"Uh, Elizabeth? What are you doing?"
"I'm having a drink. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Right now?"
"Why not?"
"I thought you were our backup!"
"I'm not. Enforcement has no interest in these guys." She then turned to the vampire bikers. "Hey, guys! Are you guys all registered?"
They nodded their heads.
"Okay then," Elizabeth concluded as she turned around and slammed the shot of bourbon. "Set me up again, barkeep!"
"Would you please excuse me?" Bill headed toward the bar and drew a seat next to Elizabeth. "So, Elizabeth, is it?"
"What?" She snapped as she downed another shot.
"I'll buy the next round. Mind if I buy the next round?"
"Well, I'm never one to turn down free booze, so sure. Hey barkeep, keep 'em coming!"
Bill nodded to the bartender as he poured another shot of Kentucky bourbon. "So, what are you doing here, Elizabeth? I mean, since it seems you're not interested in present company."
"My, you are the polite one!"
"Hey, Elizabeth," Scott said, "We're questioning the guy, not flirting with him!"
"Shut up, Scott," She growled, "No, I'm just here for the entertainment. Which," she glanced down at her watch, "Is just about to amp up a bit."
Her timing was frighteningly precise as the plate glass window at the front of the bar was shattered by a black Indian Chief Motorcycle as it came crashing through at speed, sending shards of glass flying through the air, knocking over chairs and tables and then skidding to a stop. Jeremiah tossed aside his helmet and immediately deployed his fangs.
"I am Jeremiah! I have lived for over two thousand years and have slain both mortals and immortals by the thousands, and you shall fall before me!"
"Hey Jeremiah," Elizabeth said, "You know, there is a front door here."
"Now that was impressive," Bill said as he clapped his hands, "Bravo. And now we have a veritable who's-who list of local vampire celebrities: Scott Campbell, Elizabeth, and Jeremiah. And Dawn Rhinebeck, notable vampire slayer. Wow. This really is an honor. No, it's a privilege, which is really too bad, because now, we're gonna have to kill you."
Bill snapped his fingers and the vampire bikers growled, aggression and hunger contorting their faces as they began to close in on Dawn, Jeremiah, and Scott. Scott drew a stake from within his leather jacket.
"Okay, this is it!" Scott said. "Prepare to defend yourselves!"
"No, really?" Dawn responded.
"Now is not the time for sarcasm, sweetheart!"
"When is a good time for sarcasm, dear?"
One of the biker vampires launched his attack at Dawn, who skillfully avoided the assault, then kicked the creature in the shin. It fell to the floor as another beast attacked Scott and grappled with him as the others moved to join in. Jeremiah had a far easier time, tossing aside the attacking bikers with relative ease.
"See?" Elizabeth said to Bill as they both sat back at the bar. "What did I tell you? Entertainment!"
Bill lifted his shot glass and clinked it against Elizabeth's. "I'll say!"
"I'm glad you agree." Elizabeth downed her shot and put the shot glass on the bar. Then, without warning, she grabbed Bill by the neck with her right hand, slammed him against the bar, drew a stake from inside her peacoat, and stabbed the vampire Road Captain through the heart. Bill collapsed into ash. Elizabeth then stood from her barstool and faced the unruly mob.
"Alright, you sons of bitches! The first one of you to tell us where Marty McConnell is gets to live. And if you don't, I'll kill each and every last motherfucking one of you. Don't think I will? Ask your Road Captain."
The vampire bikers immediately ceased their aggression, anger and hunger being replaced by fear. "All right!" Scott said, "I knew you'd come through for us! Didn't I tell you Elizabeth would come through for us?"
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yes, you did. Although we had this, kind of."
"Oh, you think so, little girl?" Elizabeth asked. "Yeah, I really liked that move Scott was doing with that vampire there. What was that? The foxtrot?"
"Dawn, let's just be glad for the assist, okay?"
"If you like her so much," Dawn snarled, "Why don't you marry her?"
"Because I'm marrying you!"
Dawn stormed off, the crowd of vampires parting for the angry redhead. Scott immediately followed her out. Elizabeth and Jeremiah looked at each other.
"Must be her time of month, huh?" Elizabeth said.
"I wasn't going to say anything!" Jeremiah responded.
*
In the parking lot, Scott caught up with Dawn and gently touched her on the shoulder. "Dawn, wait!"
"What?"
"What's going on? You seem a little on edge."
"Oh, now you notice!"
Dawn continued walking away from Scott and headed for his Mach I Mustang, which was parked on the far side of the parking lot.
"Dawn, that's not fair. I've noticed you've been tense a lot lately, and I have mentioned it. You know I have. What's going on, Dawn? Please, tell me."
Dawn stopped and again faced him. "Fine. It's this whole wedding thing. It's added stress."
"I see. Are you having second thoughts then?"
"What? No! No, Scott! I'm not having second thoughts, no way." She gently grabbed Scott by the lapels. "Not about you. It's just the whole thing."
"Yeah, I can see that. Is it the thought of marrying a vampire that's got you stressed? 'Cause that is kind of weird."
"Oh Scott, that's not it. Well, maybe a little bit of it. Look, Scott, there's so much planning we have to do, and for some reason, it all comes down to me. Everyone is asking what I think. It's like I have to plan the whole damn show alone."
"Dawn, that's not true, you have me."
"I'm not going to let a vampire plan my wedding! No offense."
"Excuse me? Offense taken! You're forgetting that it's going to be my wedding too, and this vampire is going to be a big part of it, I'll have you know!"
"I'm sorry, Scott, I didn't mean that. It's just all this stuff, like finding a dress, and deciding who to invite, and getting the cake, and contracting the caterers, and the musical talent, and writing up the vows."
"I can write the vows, and we can cut corners on the caterers. It's not like all the guests will be able to eat solid food anyway. I wonder if you can blood catered?"
"And then there's getting all my bridesmaids. I've got my friends Jenny and Annika, Jenny will be the maid of honor, and I've asked Grace Montoya, but I haven't got a confirmation from her, and then there's one more person I'd like to ask."
"Oh? Who is that?"
"Elizabeth."
Scott's eyes grew wide. "Elizabeth? Are you messing with me? Seriously?"
"Yes, seriously! Elizabeth! We both owe her our lives. She's really come through for us!"
Scott laughed. "Oh my god. I can just see Elizabeth in pink chiffon!"
"Uh, blue chiffon, and it isn't funny, Scott!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm just trying to imagine Elizabeth, Father's pit bull and the Horror of Gloucester, in church, wearing a funny-looking dress and holding flowers! Yeah, that just isn't her, honey."
"My bridesmaid's dresses won't be funny looking!"
"Dawn, bridesmaid's dresses are always funny looking."
"You're not helping."
Scott put his arms around his fiancée and drew her close. "I'm sorry. Look, Dawn, it'll be fine. You will do fine. And you know that whatever kind of help you need planning this thing, I'm there for you. Besides, it's not like I haven't done this whole thing before."
Dawn noticed Scott trailing off at that point. "Scott? Are you still thinking about Laura?"
The mention of Scott's ex-wife's name caused him to wince. "Ow. Yeah. I'm still thinking about Laura. The last time we met, it didn't end well."
"I know you're feeling guilt over what happened, Scott."
"Oh, you mean, over the fact that I murdered her fiancé, and now she hates me, for which I don't blame her?"
"Oh, Scott."
"And now here I am, happier than I deserve, about to get married again, and she's alone and angry. At me."
"Scott, listen to me: it wasn't you who killed Russ. Okay, it was kind of you, but not totally."
"Wow, you're really good at cheering a guy up."
"What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel guilt over Russ. Okay, so your physical self got hijacked and used for evil purposes, but you – the real you – would never have done something like that. You know it and I know it."
"Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for believing in me."
"It's my pleasure, darling," Dawn replied as their lips met. The kiss was long, and eventually grew deep, just in time for Elizabeth to step out the front door of the tavern. Jeremiah followed immediately after her.
"Oh god," Elizabeth groaned, "Really, you two? Get a room, already!"
Their lips unlocked. "Did you get Marty's location?" Dawn asked.
"We did," Jeremiah replied. "He's held up in a trailer park in rural Washington County. Grace and Kevin are on their way there now. Elizabeth can be quite convincing."
"It's surprising what you can do with a little whiskey and a lot of motivation. In their case, that was the death of their Road Captain. The rest of the gang just folded. Cowards."
"Well, alright then," Scott said, "I guess we can get going."
"Right," Jeremiah said, "After I get my motorcycle removed from the tavern."
"You shoulda used the front door," Elizabeth said. "I guess you're on your own now!"
Jeremiah grunted, then went back inside the bar to retrieve his Indian. As he did so, Dawn walked away from Scott.
"Wait, where you going now?"
"I'm gonna ask her."
"Now?"
"She's here, and it's good a time as any!"
Dawn walked right up to Elizabeth, who was checking for incoming messages on her cellphone. "Hi, Elizabeth!"
"What?"
"Hey, you know, I was wondering..."
"Wondering what?"
"You know, Scott and I are getting married."
"Yeah, so?"
"And I was wanting to know..."
Oh god, Scott thought, this is a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea. Didn't I tell you this was a bad idea?
"...if you might be interested in being one of my bridesmaids."
Elizabeth lifted one of her eyebrows. Scott wanted to tell Dawn that's the "what the hell kind of question is that" look. Bad idea. Didn't I say this was a bad idea?
"Why me?"
"Because we're friends, aren't we?"
"Not really."
Yes, it was going about as well as Scott expected.
"Oh, well, we could be friends! Look, Elizabeth, Scott and I both owe you so much."
"Damn straight!"
"And I just thought maybe you'd like to be part of this odd dysfunctional little family we're starting here."
Elizabeth appeared deep in thought for a few seconds. She then looked at Dawn. And now she's going to say something harsh and cutting, Scott thought. He braced for the onslaught of sarcasm.
"Yeah, sure, why not."
Wait, what?
"Oh!" Dawn responded, "Oh! Okay, great!"
"Wait, I don't have to wear a stupid-looking dress, do I?"
"Oh no, the dresses I have picked out are definitely not stupid!"
"Oh good, 'cause I was worried I'd have to wear a stupid-looking dress."
As Dawn and Elizabeth were beginning to discuss the particulars of the matter, Dawn briefly looked back at Scott. The upturned left corner of her mouth signaled that she was quite possibly mocking him. It was a look he was all too familiar with. I hate that look....