Probably the last chapter for a while :(
Dedication: @cheerandzaddymyworld because your comment made me smile! Thank you! .xxx
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Chapter 20 ~ Do You Even Like Me?
[Louis' POV]
I sat there on the cold ground, staring at the spot where Harry's car had just been with a frown on my face. Did I really just say that I loved him? I tasted the words on my tongue again, repeating them in a whisper. "I love him, I love Harry."
Was it true? But what about my attempt to get rid of my feelings for him? Had I really failed so miserably that I did the opposite instead? The more I thought about it, the more scared I got that I actually did love him.
If it was true, it could only mean one thing, and it definitely wasn't positive. I would be in a hell of a lot of trouble. Not only would I hate myself for it, but my mother would without a doubt kill me if she found out. The thing was, I told her almost everything. We had been close to inseparable ever since we left my dad when I was only five years old. She was the only one I had, and I was the only one she had, so it would be pretty difficult to keep it from her.
I ran my hands over my face, breathing out a puff of air. It could've been seconds, minutes, or even hours since Harry left, but I remained in the same place, staring at nothing whatsoever. Harry's blanket was still clutched in my hands, but it was more in my lap now, lying there all innocently as if it wasn't the cause of what happened earlier. If it wasn't for it and my clumsiness, nothing would have happened and I probably would've been in the passenger seat of Harry's car right now.
Why did I have to be such a klutz and fall on top of him? How could my feelings for him have let me down like that? And why did I have to lean in to kiss him? There were so many questions, questions that could not be answered. I wanted to say that it had all been a mistake, that I accidentally leaned in a little too close to Harry's face, but who was I trying to kid anymore?
It was obvious I had feelings for him. Why else would I have kissed him in the bathroom at the party, and why else would I have gotten jealous of Tiffany? The question was how strong they actually are. My previous thoughts told me they were really strong while my brain still didn't want to believe it.
Images of him touching me in the hallways and giving me different kinds of comments suddenly filled my mind, and I immediately felt a smile form on my lips. I had never thought I would miss those times as much as I did now. That was probably the time I had started falling for him, especially considering I started getting shivers every time he would touch me.
Yeah, so maybe I did love him after all. But, love was such a strong word, and I didn't want to jump to any conclusions just yet, so I decided I would keep it buried inside me for a while. The main thing was that I had accepted my feelings for him after all the time I spent trying to deny them because of what my mum told me when I was a kid. But I had done it now when it was too late. The tables had really turned, seeing as I was now the one liking him and he was the one hating me.
"Hey, what are you doing here all alone?"
I turned around so fast my neck hurt and looked at the source of the uttered words. The guy in front of me was rather tall with blonde hair styled in a quiff and blue eyes that resembled my own a little. He had a black lip ring on his bottom lip and looked around my age, but maybe a few years younger. I immediately got up to my feet and brushed the dirt off my butt the best I could. "I um... my friend left me here... we had a bit of an argument," I explained hesitantly, scratching the back of my head.
"Oh, I see. My name's Luke, by the way," he smiled, extending his right hand.
I took it and gave it a shake before letting go. "I'm Louis. Do I know you?" I asked since he looked a tad familiar. I was pretty sure I had at least seen him once before.
"Not really, but we go to the same school and I may or may not have been the guy you kissed at a party a few weeks ago when that other guy came over and interrupted us."
I narrowed my eyes, thinking back to that time Harry had shoved me into a food storage at Adam's party. I also remembered telling him that the boy I had been kissing was a bad kisser, and that boy must've been Luke. "Oh," I said, grimacing slightly. "I remember you."
"You do?" He smiled, sounding a little too happy.
"Yeah. I bet I've seen you in school as well. You're friends with that Calum guy, right?"
"Yep, that's correct."
We talked for a while, which actually made all thoughts of Harry disappear for a second, something I also found great because the last thing I needed right now was to worry about my feelings for him. It turned out, however, that Luke was a really nice lad. He even offered me a ride home, which I accepted right away since I didn't really want to walk for half an hour all by myself.
When he dropped me off, he asked for my number, and I gave it to him without thinking too much about it. He was nice, and I could definitely need a friend right now, seeing as things were as they were at the moment.
I stepped into the warmth of my house only seconds later, calling on mum who was probably in the living room watching a rom-com or something on the TV. "I'm in here, love," she called back from, indeed, the living room.
I joined her on the couch after laying Harry's blanket in my room upstairs, and slumped back against the soft cushion, closing my eyes. "Are you alright?" She asked, concern making its way into her voice.
I nodded without opening them. "Yeah, there are just a lot of things going on right now."
"Like...?" She asked curiously.
I bit my bottom lip, finally opening my eyes to look into hers. "Feelings, mum. Something you wouldn't understand."
"Ooohhh, who might the boy or girl be?" She cooed, giving me a wink.
I slapped her on the arm, rolling my eyes. "Shut up."
She merely chuckled, turning back to the TV, much to my relief. I didn't know what I would've done if she had demanded an answer from me. I really did hate lying to her.
"Mum?" I asked after a few minutes of silence, the only sound that could be heard coming from the television.
"Yes, darling?"
"Can I ask you something?"
She turned to me with a suspicious look on her face, nodding slowly. "Sure. What's on your mind?"
I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the worst reaction. "We've never really talked about it, but um... is there a reason why you wanted me to stay away from Harry Styles when I was a kid?" I asked slowly, watching as she tensed.
"Harry Styles? Uh, why are you asking me about him?" She mumbled, and I was almost sure I could see tears building up in her eyes.
"I um..." Shit, what was I supposed to say? "I... I still recognize him in school, and I saw him today, so it just crossed my mind that you never really gave me a reason to hate him."
She swallowed hard, looking down at her laced fingers in her lap. If I knew asking her this would affect her so much, I wouldn't have done it. I hated seeing my mum suffer because of me. "I'm sorry, honey. I just never thought you would ask me about him again. Not after all these years," she grimaced.
"I'm sorry too, mum. I shouldn't have done it. It was stupid of me," I said, ready to get up and leave, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me down beside her again.
"Don't go, Louis. I'm just in a bit of a shock right now. Could we talk about something else, though? I'd rather not speak of my high school memories."
High school memories? Did it really stretch that far back in time? "Okay, I'm sorry," I mumbled, sinking back against the backrest again, but now with a scowl on my face.
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I didn't want to go to school the next day, knowing Harry would probably be there and avoiding me like never before. Also, I didn't want to see the look I would receive if he actually did look at me, especially not now that I had realized my true feelings for him. So, it wasn't exactly willingly I got out of bed that morning. The only thing that actually kept me from staying in bed was the fact I would miss school if I didn't get up. School was just too important to me.
After having taken a quick shower, I put on my glasses and adjusted them so they sat perfectly on my nose. I then got dressed in something simple, not caring too much about what I was wearing. If I were to decide, I would probably have put on my grey sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, but my mum would never let me go to school wearing that.
"Morning, Boo. Sleep well?" Mum asked when I entered the kitchen.
I sat down across from her at the table, shaking my head. "No, not at all."
She reached out to rub my arm softly. "I'm sorry about yesterday, honey. I didn't mean to come off as mean. I was just surprised by your question," she apologized, pursing her lips a little.
"It doesn't matter, mum. That's not the reason I couldn't sleep anyway. I just had a lot on my mind," I explained, pouring myself a glass of orange juice as I glanced up at her.
"Okay," she said with concern lacing her voice.
I walked to school with my hands stuffed in my jeans pocket that day, my backpack hanging on my shoulders while I was listening to music. The song "Make It Right" by Jonas Brothers was playing, and I furrowed my eyebrows as I listened to the words that were sung.
"Maybe I could've shown, that I still do care about you more than you could know. Don't say it's too late to try, to make it right."
If only I had accepted my feelings for Harry earlier, maybe I would have shown that I did like him, and none of what happened yesterday would've taken place. But now it was too late, and he would never forgive me for all my mistakes.
"Stupid feelings," I muttered out loud. "Stupid self for not accepting them earlier when I still had a chance." I kicked a pebble on the ground frustratingly after each time I spoke the word 'stupid'.
The first thing I was met with when I arrived at school was the girl I called my girlfriend. She had a bright smile on her lips as she stopped in front of me in the hallway to walk me to my locker. "How was working with Harry yesterday?" She asked, glancing at me as if she was generally curious about my answer.
I felt a tug in my heart. The only thing I could see in front of me was an image of an angry Harry. His nostrils were flared and his eyes were darkened with fury, just like they had been yesterday. "Not so great, to be honest," I admitted since I couldn't find a reason to lie to her.
"Why?" She asked, clearly surprised by my straightforwardness.
We came to my locker, and I opened it to get rid of my jacket and backpack. "Things happened," I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it. I hoped she would take the hint, and thankfully, she did.
"Oh, okay. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today since we couldn't do it yesterday?" She asked hopefully, even giving me puppy eyes.
I let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, Eleanor. Today is just not the best day to hang out. I have a lot going on at the moment, and I wouldn't want you to be damaged by it," I said, trying not to sound annoyed. I just couldn't help it, and part of the reason might be because I was getting tired of her asking me to hang out all the time.
"I wouldn't, though. I just want to hang out with you since we never do so..." She trailed off sadly, looking down at the floor while fiddling with her fingers.
"Yeah, I get that, but now isn't really the time. I'm just not in the mood to hang out today, okay?"
She glanced up at me with an annoyed look on her face. "Then when is the right time for you, huh? We've been together for weeks, yet we've only hung out like twice. You never want to see me, not even on weekends when we are free from school. The only time we actually see each other is at school and when you decide to go to your damn practices. But since you don't even do that any longer, I can't really see the reason why you are even dating me," she snapped with an angry glint in her eyes.
I stared at her in shock, my mouth hanging open for a second before I shut it again. To be honest, I never expected her to snap at me. She was just too sweet for that.
"Tell me, Louis. Do you even like me?" She continued when I didn't reply. I could hear that the anger had now turned to sadness instead, and it wasn't hard to tell she was holding back the tears.
I averted my gaze from her, thinking about what to say. If I told her no, we would be over in an instant and she would walk out of my life for good. And if I told her yes, she would maybe give our relationship another try and just forget that this ever happened. Why was I even contemplating this? If I really wanted to be together with her, I wouldn't even have hesitated, so I knew that there was only one thing to say.
"I... I'm sorry, Eleanor," I sighed.
She was so taken aback by my answer that she took a step back, reaching up a hand to cover her mouth. "You d-don't like m-me?" She stuttered, tears now filling her eyes at a fast pace.
I furrowed my eyebrows together, biting my lip. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I also knew I couldn't keep doing this to her now that I knew how I felt. She deserved someone who really liked her, and not someone who was practically dating her to make someone else jealous.
Yes, I'll admit it. Harry was part of the reason I started dating her in the first place. Considering the way he had reacted when Eleanor came over to ask me out when I was waiting for him in the parking lot that day I was going to tutor him, the idea hit me that I could date her to make him jealous. Plus, I had needed a distraction from him after that tweet I made about him. To be honest, I didn't know why I even tweeted it in the first place, but I guessed that had been my true feelings for him speaking.
"I'm sorry," I breathed, avoiding eye contact.
"Fuck," she breathed, backing away from me slowly at first, but then picking up her pace and running away quickly.
I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair as I pulled out my English books and shut the locker. When I turned around, I was shocked to see a green-eyed boy watching me from across the hallway with furrowed eyebrows and his arms folded across his chest.
If I hadn't known better, I would've thought he had been listening to my and Eleanor's conversation. But now I did know better, and I was sure he hadn't... right?
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Soooo, Elounor is over. Am I the only one saying finally? And Harry was watching the breakup? Hmm...
And what about Luke? What does he want?
By the way, do you mind that I usually write in Louis' point of view now?
QUESTION: Where/How did you find this story?
Can you guys believe that we're almost at 100k reads? That's insane, I love you so much! X
Pauline .xx (The writer)
Why did the cow cross the street?
To get to the udder side.....
omfg, that was....so fucking funny. I cannot breathe right now
Hope you enjoyed the chapter, good job Paulmean
Lacy. xx (The editor)