Feb. 21st 2016
A week slipped right through your hands. The days flew straight by as you put yourself on auto-pilot. Every day was a blur until night came. You looked at your messages for hours, contemplating if she would respond. As much as you wanted to send a text, you resisted. You knew you needed time to come to terms, but you missed her. Was there a reason to feel this way if the relationship wasn't considered real? It couldn't be real.
The kisses and late-night calls weren't real. The comfort Lexi offered didn't help at all. You wanted her to tell you the truth instead of consoling you with lies to try and make you feel better. You needed someone to help push you through the thorns. A warning ahead of time instead of pretending things could've been different. Instead of ignoring the inevitable outcome. You had to swallow the truth that even if Sana did like you, there wasn't an ounce of effort to try to make things work.
It has been hours since you got to the company, hours of just sitting in the dance studio, staring at yourself in the mirror. Juggling time and your health has become overbearing. Finding time to rest kept getting shorter and shorter, from three hours to an hour. With only a nap here and there, if you could get away with it. But, this week was partially harder than the rest. Evaluations were coming up in a couple of weeks, making the trainers harder on everyone. It seemed like they were targeting the foreign trainees just because, pushing them past their limits. Their poor excuses for prepping them to handle the industry and idol life. The mistreat always went unheard by the company and turned a blind eye from the other trainees. What could you do? All you can do is endure, but for how long?
You got back up, trying to get the footwork correct. It was no use. There was no way you could memorize the choreography before the morning. You leaned your forehead against the mirror, hitting it softly a few times, leaving a small red mark. Frustration was built with each mess up. You slid back down and pulled your knees to your chest. Your muscles ached and burned the more you pushed your body to its limit.
'Is this my breaking point?' You Swallowed the lump in your throat. Waves of exhaustion and frustration crushed your motivation and hope.
The door opened, but you refused to look up. "You're still here? It's almost three a.m." You immediately knew who it was by his accent. You can tell he was tired of his toneless voice. Just like you, Chan has been pushing his limits, forcing himself to stay at the company until five a.m and picking up extra lessons. Hardworking and passionate, that's why you admired him. You looked up, and half smiled at him. "Why are you still here?"
Chan closed the door and sat next to you, closing his eyes. "What's wrong? You haven't been yourself this past week." Even if he hasn't seen you, he knows when something bothered you. "Did something happen between you and Sana? You know you can always console me."
"Why do you think it's about her?" Hearing her name created knots in your stomach. Again the sour taste returned to your mouth.
The question made him chuckle. "You know, you make it obvious when you like someone." It hurt Chan a bit, knowing that you didn't feel comfortable enough to share your feelings with him. Not enough to tell him about Sana, but he understood. "You're my best friend. If you need to vent about it, I'm here."
You allowed your body to fall onto his, laying your head on his shoulder. Finally, you could let it out. It wasn't the dramatic breakdown you expected. Just tears that stung and burned as they rolled down, and cottonmouth trying to talk about it. "How could she end it so easily? Everything was fine until I brought it up."
Chan put his arm around you and squeezed your shoulder. "Maybe you need to be a bit more understanding of why she did. She's a celebrity now. There's going to be eyes watching her every move. Understand that she ended it not because she didn't like you, but because of how hard Sana worked to be where she is now."
"I know, I know. Was it too much to ask for a little more effort? A little more conformation?" You sighed. Of course, you tried your best to understand her reasoning. Still, you thought it was selfish of her to lead you on this long. You couldn't tell if you or she are in the wrong. "I feel so betrayed. I just want to know why she kept it going if she knew."
"It's okay to feel that way. You're entitled to feel whatever you feel. If she knew what would happen, that's her fault. There is no need for you to carry that." Chan got up. "I know you're having a difficult time accepting her reasons. You're not a bad guy for being angry." He stretched his hand out to you. "How about we go out and eat? Food will be on me."
A night out with him is what you needed. He took you out to a small restaurant in the alley. Though there wasn't a conversation, the silence was comforting. Warm smiles from Chan as he glanced at you. Again, your thought intruded and took over. Swallowing you into the void again, stuck. "I think... I think I want to quit." You bored into the empty bowl, unsure if you even said it. "Nothing is improving, I know it."
You expected Chan to second guess you, instead met with the complete opposite. "I understand. I see it's taking a toll on you. If you think that's best for you, then I'll support you no matter what. I think you should stay until evaluation before you make your final decision."
That's him, Bang Chan, the man who knew what to say to make you feel validated. You hugged his arm. "Thank you."
Feb. 22nd 2016
The next night, as promised, you stopped punishing yourself. You took the small break that you needed a week ago and went back to your dorm. Falling onto your bed, you sigh. Still, the drowning feeling lingered, trying its best to push you under, until your phone vibrated.
Mina🐧:
Are you awake?
1:40 A.M
Mina🐧:
Can we call for a bit?
1:40 A.M
Y/N:
Okay!
1:41 A.M
The pitch black in the room draws away as her name appears on the screen. You slide your finger across hastily. "Hello?" You half-whispered.
Mina smiled to herself. She held onto the phone tightly with sweaty palms, and tensed shoulders loosened as she heard your voice. The breath she held onto for so long, finally exhaled. The week was just as long as yours. When she needed someone to escape to, her first thought was you. She couldn't explain why it just was. It made sense to her anyway.
You put her one speaker and laid on your side, staring at the phone. "Are you okay?"
"No." A dry chuckle follows. "But, I think I am now. I needed a small breather."
It went silent, but it was a comfortable silence. You both were used to it.
"I miss you." Mina sounded defeated, like you, she was becoming weak and weary. She clenched the phone again, mentally cursing at herself. 'Why did I say?' She's cautious with how she spoke. It came out naturally and on its own.
Your half hearted laugh made her perk. "I miss you too."
"I'm so tired, can you believe it? I thought I would be used to this by now." She sighed.
You only smiled as she tried to change subjects. It was a bit irritating that she couldn't be as vulnerable as you were with her, but you understood nevertheless. She held herself well in the eyes of others. At least she thought so. You saw through it all. Of course, she got defensive if you said so. That's why you had to be patient. Her vulnerability wasn't easy, but that was okay. You knew she was afraid of being known, petrified of being seen and perceived for who she truly is. "Why don't you go back home and rest?"
Mina groans. "It's too far away."
"Then come stay the night with me." You hit your forehead. It was the first thing that came to mind. "I can come get you, if you want."
The uncertainty made Mina grin, you were always confident in front of her. "I would like that."
"Okay, I'll be there in a few."
Just like that, you were out the door and onto the streets, basically running to the company. There Mina was, waiting in the lobby. She looked tired, her feet slightly dragged as she walked, and posture slouched. No make-up and hair down, she was in her true state. As soon as you exit the building, you kneeled onto your knees. Mina shook her head. "I promise I won't drop you." You patted your back.
Her luminous gummy smile made an appearance. She was reluctant but gave in. She lets her weight fall onto your back as you stand up. It was harder than you expected, but you can make it. Her chin rested on your shoulder while arms hugged around your frame. "Thank you. You didn't have to do this." She whispered. Her soft breath sent a shiver throughout your body.
You don't know why, but it made you sheepish. "I know, but I want to. You know you always got me, right?"
She giggled and hid her face into your shoulder. "Yea.." You felt her lips turn into a smile. "I got you, too."
Though carrying her to your room was a workout, you didn't mind it. To see her relaxed and happy made it all worth it. You let her sleep in your bed for the night while you slept on the sofa. Tonight, the silence didn't sound so loud, and the darkness didn't feel so gloomy. You didn't feel so empty. Is it because of her?
Light footsteps approached you, a finger poked into your side. "Actually, can you sleep with me? I've been having nightmares recently."
You and her laid together on the twin sized bed, sharing the blanket that was a bit too small to fit two people. It closed the distance between, and pulled you closer than you were comfortable with. You stared at her, taking notice in every detail she had. "I like your, uh, moles." Mina began to laugh, her hand automatically covered her eyes. "What?" You scoffed.
"Nothing. I never saw you be so awkward before." Her fit of laughter died down, seeing your pout. "Thank you, though." Mina avoided any eye contact with you as the warmth gradually got hotter. 'It's the blanket.' She thought to herself. Mina closed her eyes and took deep breaths. The warmth wasn't bothering her, just the cause of it. It's something she yearned for. To have it handed to her tonight startled her.
"I'm kinda glad you agreed to stay here tonight." Your smile, lopsided. "I felt numb this week. I feel like the universe is testing how much I can endure, and the truth is, I feel like I'm slowly crumbling. But, tonight, it doesn't feel so ruthless." That comfort you thought went missing, it came back in an instant. You saw the glimmer of hope at the end, again.
"Are you saying that because I'm here?" Mina took her chances and decided to be bold for the night. What's the harm? She, too, also felt that comfort come back when she came here.
You panicked. It made your heart race and stumble for words. "Would it be bad if I were to say yea?"
"No." It made you feel dizzy. That soft smile and little giggle made the bed slightly bounce. She grabbed your hand and squeezed it. "You got me."
"I got you, too." You squeezed her hand back.
A/N
First of all, I want to apologize for the late updates on this book. I haven't abandoned this, and I don't plan to. I've been trying to plan how I'm going to progress the storyline and other relationships. So, thank you for your patience!（人'∀'*）
Out of curiosity, which member would you like to see more of? Or, just your thoughts about the book in general. Again, thank you! Stay safe! Stay hydrated!