"I'm not a kid Sidharth. Yeh promises? In pe vishwas nhi hai mujhe." I mumble pushing his hands off myself. I was cold both internally and externally. Denying taking him back was a struggle I didn't think I'd ever have to face. I planned to take him back. Whether I said it or not. That was the plan. Even right now I wanted to. A desire I wouldn't be able to kill no matter what I did. Him crying hurt me, it pierced to see him like this but this was the exact state he'd left me in. Alone and broken. Completely broken.
Si - "Ek chance bhi nhi degi? Minaatein krni parein toh woh bhi karunga. Aise nhi chodunga Tujhe is baar"
S - "Yeh koi restaurant nhi hai, Jispe to 5 saal Baad jaa k same order dede. I'm a person and this is definitely my choice"
I watched him huff, getting off of the platform. He stood against the rail wiping down his face even though he knew it'd be covered with rain the next second. I didn't know why I didn't go inside. My heart told me to stay, my mind already given up on giving any advice. I had a gut feeling this would turn worse and it did. The absolute next second. He pushed himself against the rail standing closer to the top of it clearly having lost his mind. He knew I wouldn't be able to handle what I knew would happen next. Emotional blackmail. My biggest weakness. I couldn't take simple emotions. I had the extreme of all of them. Sadness, happiness and even madness. Right now I was feeling all of them. A bulge in my throat forming thinking of what would happen if the worst took place. My stomach churned watching his feet turn on the wet platform. He stood facing me, his hands wailing to balance himself. "This is your choice too. I swear Shehnaaz I'll jump off. Kuch bhi karunga but I need a yes."
S - "Sidharth get off. This isn't child's play"
"What I'm saying isn't child's play either. 3 ghante se Dimaag kharab ho raha hai mera. I'm done with myself. Maanta hi ki galti hai. Manana meri responsibility hai. Lekin I need a chance " he reverted, a shiver passing through his words. I could see his eyes get even worse than before.
"Mere Haalat Aisi Hai Ki Main Kuch Kar Nahin Sakta
Tadapta Hai Yeh Dil Lekin Yeh Aahen Bhar Nahin Sakta
Zakhm Hai Hara Hara Aur Tum Chot Khaane Ki Baat Karte Ho
Zindagi Khafa Khafa Aur Tum Dil Lagane Ki Baat Karthe Ho"
S - "Andar chal"
Si - "Answer"
"Would you give me one if I'd done the same?" I question knowing the answer too well myself. He wouldn't say yes. Not in a million years. His anger, ego, every other aspect of him wouldn't let him.
"Hogya? Sidharth?! Andar chal" I mumble pulling him by his arm. He pulled it back in return slamming me against himself, close enough for his breath to fan my forehead. "Yeh same situation Hota toh ek baar bhi nhi sochta. I don't know how to say sorry. Nhi aata mujhe aur tujhe yeh pta bhi hai. Shayad tu isse emotional blackmail Kahe pr that's all I can do. Mujhe tu vaapas chahiye. Khoon Khaulta hai meri jagah kisi aur ko dekh kr. I can't bear any guy around you and that's just a mere fact. I can't change it. Tu chahti hai toh door rahunga lekin only if you swear to take me back after." He hissed back still suppressing his emotions. I pushed back pulling him along with myself until wherever I could. I knew he could restrict it anytime but he didn't, following me inside. I sat him against the bed moving towards the closet to change myself, throwing him the extra towel I had. His head dropped taking it and wiping away his hair and face. I moved back outside putting on a pair of sweats and a full sleeved shirt resting myself next to him, listening to every step my heart told me to make. I'd given myself a pep talk. Something not too unusual. I did it every time I had to make a choice between 2 things. Sidharth was something I'd always choose. No matter what hell broke loose. Even today. The new pieces of information hurt like a bitch but what hurt more was not knowing. I'd kissed him just a few moments ago. He hadn't mentioned or taken advantage of it. Like always being who he truly is. I was angry. Would probably be for the next century but I couldn't see him hurting like this. Not when I was the cure.
S - "Sidharth?"
"I'll leave, woh bas abhi kisi be Delgado toh problem ho jayegi. I'll wait for the answer." He mumbled getting up. I caught his hand in mine just in time. I remembered how I'd promised myself not to associate myself with someone like this again. But it was 4 am, the rain still ongoing outside, both our emotions at there peak. The revelations somewhat made... I couldn't help myself seeing his broken face. The only thing I wanted on his face other than my lips was his wife bugs bunny smile. The one he always had remembering his moments with his dad. "Stay." I voice almost inaudible. He looks back perplexed. Staring at me in question. I move over patting the bed beside me. He sat down as I laid down pulling the covers over the both of us. "Sleep here. I don't want to get you caught like this or for you to get sick because of crying all night. Chup chap so jaa please"
Si - "Mtlb you still care"
I knew that wasn't meant for me to hear. The slip of his hand against my forehead explained so. "I always did, have and will. Problem tujhe hi hoti thi." I say placing one of the pillows in between the both of us. I decided to leave the decision until later. It wasn't like time was passing away. We both had or whole lives to sort this out.
"Jo Khwaab Dekha To Mili Parchiyaan Mujhko
Kabhi Jo Khwaab Dekha To Mili Parchiyaan Mujhko
Muhje Mehfil Ki Khwaaish Thi Mili Tanhaaiyan Mujhko
Har Taraf Dua Dua Aur Tum Aashiyaane Ki Baat Karthe Ho
Zindagi Khafa Khafa Aur Tum Dil Lagane Ki Baat Karthe Ho
Aankh Hain Bhari Bhari Aur Tum Muskurane Ki Baat Karte Ho."
But how long is Their forever?