I got up putting away the laptop. I didn't know why Khushal gave me this but maybe I'd understand after watching through all of it. Obviously it was something to do with us. Us? Shehnaaz?! You need to clear your mind. Have fun tonight. After all bachelorette party har roz thori krne ko milti hai. I walked into the washroom washing off my face and putting on a simple but fitting layer of makeup. I decided to go with the blood red lipstick, making sure it was put on properly. That didn't happen too usually. I left my hair in soft curls, letting them cascade down my back. The white dress was chosen by Maahi. It seemed a little too much than what I was used to. The neckline ran all the down to my midriff. My birthmark completely on display.
I shrug it off securing on my heels before moving out. I walked down the hall passing by Sidharth's room. The sudden urge to see him clicked back in my brain the next second. So that's exactly what I did. Why? I don't know.. why not? I knocked on his door waiting for a response. It flung open the next minute revealing a completely drenched Sidharth. His face was red, puffy, like he'd cried only a second ago. Even in heels I was no match for his towering height. I gave him a smile not knowing what to say anymore.
Si - "Wow...."
I looked up to find his eyes everywhere but my face. What in the world was this man?! He was looking so broken a second ago and now completely in lost in lust. "Wo-h mera mtlb... tum Yaha? Kuch chahiye baby?" He asked breaking my trance of trying to figure out 1 why he was drenched and 2 what made him cry. "Haan.. mtlb nhi- Woh bas aise hi aayi thi. Karan ko dekha kya tune-" I bit my tongue realizing the blunder I'd just done. I wouldn't be surprised if the door was slammed against my face the next second.
Si - "Kyun?"
I looked up at him completely confused. There wasn't even an ounce of irritation in his voice. I swear to god he was someone else. Plastic surgery krva ke Sidharth ka face lga liya hoga... haye rabba kya pagal khyaal aa rahe hai tere dimaag mein?! Gadhi. Gussa kyun karega simple sawaal hai.. lekin-
Si - "Tujhe kya hua? Bol na kyun pucha uske baare mein?"
S - "Uh - ha.an Woh actually he was going to drive me to the bachelorette. Khud se toh nhi jaungi na? Thak haar k drive bhi nhi honi mere se."
"Tu yeh pehnke jayegi waha?!" He shrieked looking back over my outfit, specifically the neckline. "Haan toh aur kya lehenga pehnke jaun?" I questioned in only 1 tone lower than his. He shut the door walking out after grabbing the bunch of keys by the door. "I'll drop you" he mumbled still not looking impressed with what I'd adorned.
S - "Nooo... maine usse already kaha hua hai"
Si - "Aise tu uske saath nhi jayegi. I don't care. You're coming with me or not going at all"
He said pointing at me from head to toe. I mentally noted that he was the same Sidharth I always knew. No plastic surgery here. My mind had been toting red signals since the moment I knocked on his door, now they were blood red but I didn't care. My heart felt at ease. Maybe it was the video I'd just watched or perhaps the thoughts that came along. I wasn't very sure. I didn't need to be either. Love was like that. You sacrifice everything for mental peace. You know what you're doing is wrong but it doesn't stop you from going ahead with it. After all talaash toh sirf sukoon ki hoti hai, naam rishte ka chahe jo bhi ho. Right now he was my ex. Who'd dumped me the night I'd planned to make him my everything. The same night my best friend decided to not be that anymore and the same night I was visited by haunting fears. I blinked back a stream of tears stepping down the stairs along with him. I didn't care if anyone saw or felt bad. I'd been feeling that the whole of 1,825 days. 1,825 days... you'd think it's be easy to get over someone in all that time. Especially with the attention I had. My whole life I'd dedicated to reach where I was today, but now up here.. I wasn't satisfied. People would say that I shouldn't ever be sad thank you all I had and I agreed, so many other people dealt with bigger problems but how are you supposed to be happy when your heart is completely drenched in layers of your past? A past you wanted as a future. A past you can't get out of your head.. He was my calm. My whole life. Forgetting him was harder than forgetting myself.
"Tumse shuru tumpe hi khatam
Meri kahaani tumhi tak hai
Dil ko jo de raahat si
Tujhme hai woh khamoshi
Sau baar talaash liya khudko
Kuch tere siva na mila mujhko
Saanson se rishta tod bhi loon
Tumse tod na paungi"
Si - "Address batayegi toh chalunga na? Aise chup rehna hai toh party idher hi nikal jayegi."
I nod mumbling the clubs address as I got into the car. I pulled over the seatbelt, trying my hardest to focus on clicking it in but it wasn't happening under the strong gaze of his eyes. His hand took over mine the next second, he bent over fixing it in and pulling the dresses neckline up while he was at it. "Ladke toh nhi honge na udhar?" He questioned driving out of the underground parking.
S - "Details kisi ko nhi milengi. Bachelorette hai. Ladke bhi toh strippers wagaira bulate hai."
The car halted to a stop the next second. "Aye.. matlab?! Strippers ki baat kidhar se aayi? Don't tell me..." he muttered bemused. I chuckled rolling my eyes, asking him to just drive. I thank him getting out of the car and entering the venue. I wasn't sure if he'd left or not. I tried not to care. I ran over to Maahi and the rest of the girls. The drinks and food already there, knowing very well that it was literally the only thing we all were hear for. Guys could have fun with their lusts but for us food was it. We didn't need any of that unless it was purposefully to irritate the guys. Maahi has already built a plan. Thanks to Jai unknowingly blurt out that their venue was only a 5 minute drive away. The next 2 hours we had all the fun, dancing, eating, telling random girls only stories. I sat at the end of the pool posting a few snapchats as asked, the dress was short enough to make it look like we'd changed.
M - "Sanu, abhi 2 minute udhar entry record kr aur sbko send kr dena story kr saath saath. Main krvaati hu inki bachelor party."
I laughed agreeing and recording the door she'd asked me. She went next to it opening it to let in a couple, hot as hell models. I wasn't sure I'd remain my stance by the end of this. Who was I kidding? I'd never do any of that. Not in my wildest dreams. I hollered along with them though, tonight was going to be fun. My phone started pinging the next second. 36 calls from an unknown number. I moved into the corner to attend not knowing who was on the other side.
S - "Hello?"
Si - "Tu-"
M - "Sanuuu?! Tu yaha phone pe kya kr rahi hai? You're in demand baby. Dekh na party meri hai aur tu itni boring bnn ke udhar khri hai kab se. Go and dance na? Woh dekh, the one in the middle? Sbse tall, jabse aaya hai nazar nhi hti uski tujhse."
S - "Maahi main nhi aungi yaar- ek toh yaha se hi aise dikhte hai toh udhar toh death ho jaani hai meri"
Those weren't my own words. Maahi had whispered to say so. I also figured that it was Sidharth in the line. It didn't take much other than his usual heavy breathing to figure. He was also mad.. or at least on the verge of it. I heard him shriek something I didn't hear properly but knew that they'd be over in less than 5 minutes. That too without their cars. I decided to play along. Letting Maahi put away the phone and pull me to the stage, pushing me towards the guy she'd mentioned earlier for a dance. It wasn't awkward like I'd thought to be. He was a great dancer to say the least, better at conversations if I do say so myself. I'd always loved dancing myself and the Indian hits blaring in the background, restricted me from stopping. We danced away not realizing when the floor had cleared out. He turned me, pulling my back into his front as we danced away, his hand lay right against my lower stomach. The songs stopped the next second, red beaming eyes of the 6'2 man standing right in front of me. Making his way further down the dance floor. I was pulled into him the next second, not saying a word but the fire in his eyes was enough to kill the shirtless man now behind us. I was definitely in for a yelling session. I looked at Maahi who herself looked petrified thanks to the peering eyes of Jai. I took my phone from her hands trying my best to restrain from being dragged into the car. Was it any help? Of course not. It actually made it worse. I was lifted into his arms the next second, completely off guard.
Si - "What in the world do you think you were doing?!"
S - "Dancing. Dikhta nhi hai?"
"Shehnaaz?! Tu usse jaanti bhi nhi hai aur itna pas aane diya?" He screamed again dropping me into the car before running over to his seat himself. "Haan toh I was just having fun; maine kaunsa ki-"
Si - "Don't you even dare. Lipstick kya ungaliyon se lgi uski gardan Pr?"
S - "Dance krte waqt lg gyi hogi. Tu itna hyper kyun ho raha hai? I'm single. I can do whatever tf I want. With whoever the fuck I choose"
"Tu tune khud se kiya woh sab? You wanted to do that? Huh? Dance aur bhi tareeke ka hota hai, he was all up on you" he claimed slamming him hand against the steering wheel.
S - "Itna bhi nhi tha. Ainvayi hi gussa krna hai toh krta reh. I don't need to answer you"
He didn't even respond instead the car was shot forward completely flying against the road. "Sidharth? Dimag khraab hai tera?! Accident krvana hai toh mujhe utar de pehle. " I yell as he halts the car seeing another in front of ours.
Si - "Chup baith. I don't wanna loose my cool right now. You're not a child. He was feeling you all over and you were letting him. Aur dimag mera khraab?"
S - "Stop the car."
He pays no heed to any of what I was saying. Not caring one bit of the clear fear in my words. "Sidharth please. Stop the car. " I said again clutching his forearm. He looked towards me seemingly finally realizing I was being serious. He drove out another 5 minutes, the hand I was holding calmingly placed in my lap, the other monitoring the wheel. I sighed softly relaxing against the seat as he finally stopped. It was pouring outside the next minute almost as if on indication. The rain was our thing. I'd noticed. Every time we'd meet after a fight or disagreement or even just a trip it rained. The calming factor being the sounds. We never really had it in us to yell/ shriek at each other engulfed inside the sounds.
S - " I didn't mean to piss you off. Maahi ne kaha toh maine krliya. I didn't think much of it. Mere liye sirf dance hi tha. He was a good dancer-"
Si - "Can you stop talking about him? I dont care how good he was or why you did all of that. Pehle dress aisi pehn kr chali gyi aur fir woh sab. Maahi ka manna ki usne kaha Pr tera khud ka dimag nhi hai?"
"Why are you so mad? Tujhe toh farak nhi padna chahiye. Agar saath hote toh kbhi nhi krti. Itni akal hai but main abhi kisi ke saath nhi hu toh jo marzi kru" I respond releasing his arm from mine. He walks out of the car kicking the tire hard enough to make it shake. Was I doing all of this purposely? Of course. I knew him in and out. He would get hyper the next second if I mentioned me being single again. Hence I didn't plan on doing that. I still had to get home and well his hand was already swollen from punching the wheel so hard. I jump as he swung open my door unbuckling the belt and pulling me out. He wrapped both his arms around my waist, pushing me against the door. "Jab pta hai ki kyun gussa hu toh puchna kyun hota hai? Itna bhi nhi jaanti ab mujhe?" He whispered the anger still laced through his words. I stood silent, completely drenched with how hard the rain was pouring. I was tempted to lean forward and kiss him the same instant. He always looked much too good in anger.
S - "Sidharth, gussa theek hai. Maanti hu ki galat tha but aise haq rakhna? Maine sirf ek cheez maangi tujhse aur tune abhi tak woh bhi nhi di. I can't act like we're together. Not until I know why you left in the first place"
Si - "Maine kaha hai ki btaunga. I don't want to do it like this. Please baby."
"Don't-" he hushes me before I could continue. He tugged me away from the car walking onto the empty road. I knew what he was doing, I wanted to stop. This wasn't okay. I couldn't repeat what we'd done before. My legs seemed to have a mind of their own. They walked to wherever he moved. The same control he'd always had. The flimsy dress of worn clung tight around my curves, the wet cloth cold against my warm skin. I stood, frozen as he stepped back taking out his phone. I could recognize the music anywhere. In a heartbeat. His hands made their way back around my waist, pulling me back against himself. My hands hung at my side not knowing where to move to. The rain fell at the exact beat of my heart, the fast thuds almost audible. "I want this. Please? Tujhe meri kasam baby. Just this one time." He mumbled leaning his head forehead against my own. I let loose, my hands wrapped around his neck, feet moving exactly along with his. It was like a habit, something that came completely naturally. Not like what I was doing in the venue. "Kasam ajj bhi important hai?" He questioned pulling me even closer as if it was possible. "Vaise hi jaise tujhe hai" I said back, still in daze of what we were doing. His face only a few inches away from mine. I took in a deep breath letting the raindrops, slide from my nose onto my bottom lip. Tears I'd caged in my eyes fell out the moment he began humming just like he used to.
"Aankhen khule toh main dekhun tujhe
Sirf yeh hi farmaish hai
Pehli toh mujhko yaad nahi
Tu meri aakhiri khwahish hai
Seh loon main ab teri kami
Mujhse yeh hoga hi nahi
Tum aise mujhme shaamil ho
Tum jaan meri tum hi dil ho
Shaayad main bhula doon khud ko bhi
Par tumko bhool na paaungi"