I walked up to the terrace I'd seen her walk up to. The restlessness wasn't letting me stay downstairs. None of the blaring music interested me, I only heard the soft sobs as she left. I saw her back up in the second rooftop, sitting the same way as the day before. The night sky was always her solace. Especially when there was no rain she could go through. I got up upon it myself as silently as possible. I didn't want her to make me leave before I even got there. Sitting down beside her I mirrored the way she was sitting. She looked up soft lines of tears spreading down her face, her pink pouty lips spread apart, the gloss already wiped away. I couldn't ever lie about how beautiful she looked even while crying. It was the tears that pinched my heart. Her eyes did deserve that. But I gave her those myself.... if I hadn't left she'd never be here like this perhaps this would've been our wedding, the celebrations. She turned away the next second looking back into the distance.
Si - "Upar kyun aayi?"
"Hmm?" She hummed turning towards me again. I wanted to give her a hug, the same ones that calmed her in a millisecond. "Upar kyun aayi?" I asked again, looking at her stained cheeks. She gave me a soft smile turning back to the sky. "Niche nhi rehna tha" she mumbled wiping off her tears.
Si - "Ajj nhi bhagayegi? Baat krlu ya?"
Her lips curled up softly as she shook her head lightly. The smile was sad but at least it was a smile. This would take longer... and I was okay with that. If I'd put her through all of that for 5 years, I deserved this. "Karan ne kya bola ajj?" I ask testing the waters. Her face morphed into a frown yet again.
S - "Kuch nhi. Bas aise hi"
Si - "Shehnaaz sch bta, jhooth ajj bhi bolna nhi aata tere ko, aakhon mein dikhta hai"
"Tu bolna sikhade? Expert hai na.. itni baar bolke ab sikhana toh aata hi hoga" she responded turning her face away yet again. Her words felt like a new bought knife cutting through my heart. But she wasn't wrong. I'd lied to her so many times only to see the jealousy peak in her face. I loved it. I also loved how her own glare would keep the girls away. She was my female version. Enough passion in her eyes to kill.
Si - "Shehnaaz please. Abhi k liye sab side pe rakh kr baat krle? "
S - "Ek baat batayega? Sach.."
Si - "Hmm"
S - "Us din... us din kya hua tha? Hum toh poora din khush the na? Saath the? Fir raat ko kaise suffocating ho gyi main? Itna pakk gya ek din mein ki chod diya? Tu khud hi kehta tha na ki mere bina tujhe neend tak nhi aati? Toh kyun-"
Si - "W-woh main... main nhi bta skta abhi. Reason bohut stupid tha. Shayad. Lekin I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry. For that and for these 5 years. Meri galti hai. Main maanta bhi hu. Reason bhi bataunga lekin yaha nhi. Not like this."
"Agar main tumhe bina reason goli maar du aur 5 saal baad sorry boli toh tu zinda ho jayega?" She mumbled looking me straight in the eyes. I hated how it sounded. Absolutely hated it. The last three words came out of her mouth like that was what she was feeling. I could see it too. She'd buried her real self somewhere. Or maybe I'd done the honours. "Shaadi ke baad baat kregi? Humari jagah pe? The cafe or "
S - "My apartment, par mujhe sab answer chahiye us din. I don't care, nhi toh mat ana "
I looked at her as she gazed farther into the distance. Her hands were covered with whatever they were using to make the stain stay. I couldn't help but stare. She looked angelic. Sad but angelic. I heard footsteps behind us breaking my train of thoughts. I got up deciding to leave the moment I saw his face. I didn't want to lose my temper on him right now. He'd made her cry.. for whatever reason but he'd done it. He walked forward standing in front of while smirking, clapping his hands.
K - "Shehbaaz ne itna kuch sunaya.. maine suna. Socha ki shayad main zyada hi kr raha hu lekin ab to prove ho hi gya. Kr kya rahi ho Shehnaaz tum? Waha stage pe rone ka drama isiliye jua na ki yaha aa sko apne-"
It seemed like his tongue had tied the next second. Not one word leaving his mouth. I looked behind me at Shehnaaz who looked as if she'd almost fainted. She was pale, very very pale. She stood up weakly, leaning herself against the rails. "Aage bol." She demanded looking him straight in his eyes. "Apne kya Karan?" She questioned again not receiving a reply the first time. I walked over to her trying to help her stand straight but she pushed off my hand, turning her gaze from him to me.
S - "Bohut baar hua hai. Tab nhi sambhalne aaye toh aaj bhi zaroorat nhi hai"
K - "You heard her, I think you should leave. Yeh humar-"
S - "Maine ji pucha uska jawab do. Yeh yehi rahega. After all ex ko bhi toh pta lgge ki mera future mere baare mein kya sochta hai."
She was throwing daggers, at the both of us. The side of her I never wanted to be on. I could tell this wasn't the first time he'd gone out on her like that. Hell.. I knew the things he said the other day. Most of them. The allegations about Jai and Khushal. I had no clue that there were some about me too.
K - "Toh aur kya sochu?! 2 din se sab puch rahe hai ki shaadi kab hai, Shehnaaz tumhare saath kyun nhi hai, is she sure about this.. aur pata nhi kya kya. Mere friends se milne k liye time nhi hai tere paas lekin iske saath yaha baithne k liye hai. What else am I supposed to think knowing you're never going to love me like you loved him?"
"Loved? So you're just gonna forget that you know everything? Engagement wale din tune khud pucha tha aur jawaab bhi mila hi tha. I didn't lie. Don't try and put words I never said into my mouth." She shot back. Her eyes in me instead of him. I could see the caged emotions. The girl who'd express even the slightest discomfort with extra emotion was holding them back. I'd lied. Her eyes could lie. They definitely could.
K - "Does he? Huh? Aur woh sab kya tha? I'm not stupid to go back? I agree that you've already told me every thing but what about me? Kaha leke jaun apni feelings? Tune hi haan ki thi na iske liye? Yeh shaadi and all? Kyun ki jab sure bhi thi toh"
"Papa ne kasam di thi ki 3 mahine mein jisse bhi kahe main karungi. Apni marzi se haan nhi ki maine. Nhi krni mujhe shaadi. Tumse toh kbhi bhi nhi. Yeh sawaal galat nhi hai.. Pr puchne ka tareeka galt hai. You are no one to yell at me. I will never take that." She said walking away the next minute. I followed still in though of what all of that meant. What had he asked her on the engagement day? Why was "loved" a question? She acted like she'd moved on with me than why all of those emotions. The outburst played through my head. "I'm not stupid to go back".... was that for me?
The mehndi ceremony soon came to an end. The 3 of us and Maahi joined were the only people left as Shehnaaz had already gone to change, deciding to stay here itself. I could tell it was because if what all happened. She'd always been that way, being by her close ones took that negativity out of her. She walked back into the hall admiring her already dark orange henna stain. It was said to be darker the next day. I'd heard the conversation just a while ago when Maahi whined about her own. Shehnaaz walked towards us, wearing a flimsy tank top and shorts.. my jaw subconsciously tightened thinking of someone else spotting her like that. My possessiveness simply never drained. I always hated seeing pictures of hers at parties. She wore things that should be exclusive.
Kh - "Exclusive for you or anyone she was with? Ghurna band kr nhi toh sab ki dikh jayega"
I stared at him, shutting his mouth with the glare. It was already worse enough to have that Karan flutter around her all the time. I didn't want that picture in my mind. She sat down next to Maahi, immediately complaining that she should've kept the mehndi for longer. Maahi gasped seeing her stain making me chuckle at the duo. I liked seeing this again. There was a time this was a daily.. for me at least. We talked for a while, mostly consisting of Shehnaaz and Khushal but I didn't mind one bit. I strolled around the hall watching each of them walk off to their rooms before I stepped outside. It was raining. Like always, I stood letting myself get drenched under the droplets of water. If it was back in the time.. shehnaaz would be in my arms. The beautiful orbs of hers looking up at mine before she pecked my chest right above the heart, placing her head against it the next second. We'd always dance outside. Always...
My train of thoughts broke when I heard the soft jingle of anklets, splashing through the water as the footsteps got closer. She let out a little sob immediately clearing any doubts of who it was. I turned back slow enough for her not to hear me doing so, only to find her standing in the parking lot, her head sulked, tears mixing up with the water. You couldn't see them but the red of her eyes explained everything. But why was she crying in the rain that used to be her music? She never needed anyone to dance in the rain carelessly contradicting the women in front of me right now. Her hands dusted her tank, the satiny cloth completely drenched. Her lips quivered.. she was already not okay.
"Door hoke bhi paas mere ho
Sapno se aage ab tum
Haqikat ban chuke ho
Yeh dard hai jo tere
Tu kar de unko mere
Meri har duaa me tu
Par haqikat me kahaan"