I knew that turning seventeen was going to come with its challenges, but I never could have anticipated what would be instore. Like everyone else, when I turned seventeen I began to feel everything that my soulmate felt – well not everything. Their physical pain only leaves unexplained bruises; it's primarily the emotional pain that is felt. For most people, their first instinct is to ignore their soulmate's feelings and wait for them to come and find them but it was clear to me that my soulmate was going through something terrible, and so I decided that I had to find them, and try and make their world a little better. My first thought was that it was someone in the glee club, which would make sense since I'm so close with everyone there, but as I asked around, no one's pain seemed to match. I knew it was possible that they were lying to me, and that it could still be one of them, but I knew that for now, whoever it was, they weren't ready to come forward. My best friend Sam, he thinks I'm crazy for trying to find my soulmate at 17 and that it usually takes years, but that only made me want to find them more.
I still remember the first night I felt it. It was such an intense feeling of anxiety that over time got bigger and bigger. Sometimes it would shrink for just a little, especially during glee rehearsal, but it never seemed to completely go away. Then, one night it completely boiled over and I had a panic attack. My mum kept asking me what was wrong and I kept just having to tell her that it was my soulmate and that it would pass, and while the panic attack did, the anxiety was at a whole new level, and I felt so tense and lost and I had no explanation. Whenever I would call Sam, he wouldn't answer. When I asked him about it, he always just said he was busy. Over time, I even started to think that maybe it was him, and the reason he never answered was because he was going through things, but he would always insist that he was just studying or that his phone went flat, or that he was babysitting, and I eventually stopped pestering him about – even though admittedly, I was a little disappointed because I really really wanted it to be Sam. Even then, there was so much drama happening in the glee club because of the stupid rumours in the school newspaper, it could have been any of them.
-
"Have you guys felt much from you soulmate's?" You ask, Mercedes and Kurt as you take your seat in the choir room.
"I have," Kurt smiles. "I know it's Blaine. We always seem to be feeling the same thing at the same time. It's super cute."
Mercedes chuckles at Kurt's grin.
"What about you, Mercedes?" You ask, trying not to also let out a chuckle.
"I've felt a few things, nothing major." She shrugs. "It's been pretty easy to ignore which is great because I definitely do not think I'm ready for a commitment right now."
"Why do you ask?" Kurt tilts his head, and turns around to look at you properly.
"Oh, I've just been feeling A LOT from my soulmate, and I kinda just wanted to know if it was normal."
"Well, who do you think it is?" Mercedes asks, eyes wide and turning around to face you.
"Well, I thought that maybe it was Sam but-"
Before you could finish your sentence, Mr Schuester came striding into the room ready to start the rehearsal and introduce the topic for the week. This week was dedicated to the Fleetwood Mac album Rumours, in hopes that it would help people communicate better and hopefully put an end to some of the fighting. However, it only seemed to make things worse. What stabbed the most was when it was suggested that Quinn was cheating on Finn with Sam. How could Sam have not told you? I felt sorry for my soulmate, because on top of what they were already experiencing, they now had to deal with my stuff too.
-
The anxiety still hadn't gone away, and I was starting to feel like I was going to go insane. It wasn't even my thing to deal with and no matter how much I looked, I could not find my soulmate. It was starting to eat me up inside. I was frustrated that I hadn't been able to find my soulmate and make things better for them and I was even more frustrated that Sam, my best friend, was possibly keeping things from me. Actually, when I think about it, it has felt like he has been hiding stuff from me for months – ever since my birthday and I started being able to feel my soulmate.
"What's going on?" I ask, slamming his locker shut. "And don't even think about lying to me."
"What are you talking about?" He asks, seeming genuinely confused. "There is nothing going on."
"Then why is everyone saying that Quinn is cheating on Finn with you? Surely something is going on. Kurt too? What the hell Sam? You've been pulling away ever since my birthday and I have needed you more than ever."
Sam's face softens as tears brim your eyes.
"Hey," He whispers, hugging you. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you like I should have been, but I promise that there is nothing going on between me and Quinn, or Kurt for that matter."
"Okay," You say, smiling, and wiping away the tears that had escaped your eyes. "Are you coming to the Lima Bean tonight after glee rehearsal? I really want to spend time with you."
"No, sorry. I have to study."
"Oh okay."
_
As soon as I got to the Lima Bean, I kind of wished I hadn't gone – everyone was talking about Sam.
"What do we even know about him? Where is he even from?" Tina asks. "He could literally be a serial killer."
I roll my eyes at how dramatic Tina was being and glance up at Quinn who almost looks offended.
"Do you guys seriously think that Kurt would cheat on Blaine?" She asks.
"Well, no, but they aren't seeing each other as much as they used to, and you know that can make people do strange things." Rachel suggests.
"Sam's not even gay. Right (Y/N)?"
"Y-Yeah. He's not. He totally would have said something." I reply, but it almost sounds like I'm trying to convince myself.
_
Hey, can we talk?
S: What's up buttercup?
I know that you said that nothing was going on, but I'm not convinced, and neither is anyone else in the glee club.
S:I promise you that nothing is going on
Ok.
Can I ask you something?
S: As long as it's not about the Quinn and Kurt thing, sure.
Do you feel your soulmate often?
I really do, and I think I'm going crazy.
S: Not really
S: I mean, sometimes I do of course but like, not really
Oh, ok
Can you feel them right now?
S: I don't think so
S: Why?
I'm going to be honest
S: What is it?
I think that maybe I've found my soulmate but he's not being honest with me about how he's been feeling
S: Who do you think it is?
I think maybe you know
_
After getting no reply from Sam that night, he avoided me at every chance he got, which only made me dread glee rehearsal even more. I walked straight past Sam to sit down on the other side of the room, just hoping I could get through rehearsal quickly, without really being noticed. However, everyone else seemed to have other ideas and an argument quickly broke out after Rachel sang Go Your Own Way, that was definitely directed at Finn.
"You're a cheater!" Rachel cries, pointing at Quinn. "You are literally cheating on Finn again with Sam, do you ever stop?"
"There is nothing going on between Sam and I!" Quinn says, becoming defensive.
"I blame Sam for all of this, and Rachel too, I'm sure she did something." Santana chimes in.
Everyone started throwing accusations at Sam, until eventually he broke.
"Shut up!" He yells. 'I'm not sleeping with Quinn or Kurt or anyone. They're just helping me."
"Is that what you call it?" Mercedes laughs.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Mr Schue asks.
"Kurt was bringing me some clothes and Quinn was helping me babysit."
"Then explain the motel room." Finn demands.
"I live there now." Sam says, and my heart drops. "My dad lost his job, and we lost the house and now we live in a freaking motel. Are you happy now?" He stands up and walks out of the choir room leaving everyone speechless.
_
"Sam wait!" I call, following him down the school hallway. He stops walking but doesn't turn around. "Talk to me."
"Please don't be angry." He says, quietly, tears running down his face. "I can't bear the thought of you being angry at me too."
"I'm not angry at you Sam, I'm just confused. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-I just didn't want it to be real, and telling you would have made it real."
"I could have helped you."
"I know."
"Um, this does make me think that maybe I was right." I say, biting my lip. "about the whole soulmate thing. I understand that now's not a good time, but um-" I feel my heart begin to beat faster, and a lump form in my throat.
"(Y/N), I know. I knew, and I'm sorry that I kept it from you, but I couldn't help but feel intimidated by the idea of finding my soulmate at 17. I'm sorry."
"It's okay." I whisper hugging him tightly. "I understand and I will wait as long as you need until you are ready."
"No, (Y/N), I need you. I need something good in my life, and it has to be you."
__________
Hey guys!
I hope you're all doing well.
I just to quickly note that any scenes from Rumours that (S2 E18) that I referenced, I did watch over but chose to write differently just to shorten it a bit, and just cut out unnecessary dialogue but the essence is still there.
Thank you all so much for your continuous support, it means so much to me!
Much love,
Will xx