Esperance
(n.) Hope
The pack bonfire went better than I expected, with many pack members coming up to me to talk to me and greet me. I tried talking to as many people as I could and answering as many questions as I could, but they weren't all easy.
Luna, when can we expect a new pup?
Luna, have you planned when your mating ceremony will be?
Luna, should I knit clothes for a baby girl or a baby boy?
Needless to say, the Phantom Pack was very eager to know about the personal lives of me and their alpha. I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth of the situation, that the relationship between me and Aurelius was strained at best, so I just awkwardly nodded and smiled my way through.
I was just glad they were serving alcohol at this event.
Thankfully though, the intrusive questions seemed to die down after that, which I had a feeling Aurelius himself was behind since he no doubt heard what everyone was asking me.
"They're just excited to have you back," Gen explained, patting my hand reassuringly. "It's been a rough few months and this is the first time they're all genuinely happy," she added quietly.
I could understand what she meant. I could feel the relief and the happiness in the air tonight as something foreign sparkled within them; hope. It was strange because I was feeling the complete opposite as I came down here. My stomach was pooling with dread, making it hard to breath and think clearly as I prepared for the worst.
Blinking back into the present, unnoticed Gen had left me and I sat alone at the table, a glass of strong whiskey my only company.
"Are you enjoying your evening?" A deep voice asked. I turned my head and watched Aurelius as he slowly approached me and took the seat besides me. I watched him for a moment longer as he gazed at his people, before slowly letting out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.
"More than I thought I would," I murmured into my cup, taking a large sip of my drink. The fiery liquid did nothing to sooth my suddenly jittery body, but instead seemed to fuel my nerves.
"I'm sorry about the questions. I didn't think they'd be so blunt," he frowned, turning his cerulean gaze onto me. The fire in the distance casted glowing shadows on his face that only emphasised his angular features.
"It's fine, I understand," I brushed off, turning away.
"That only brings me to my next question," he paused so I turned to him, wondering what he was struggling to try and say. "What's going on between us?" I blinked up at him, taking a couple of seconds to digest his words enough to come up with a reply.
"Nothing," I stated the obvious. He sighed, looking frustrated and running a hand through his hair. Once again, he looked to be struggling to find the right words.
"That's the thing Artemis, I want to try a proper relationship with you," This time, all I could do was blink up at him stupidly. What do I even say to that?
"Aurelius-," I began.
"Kieran," he interrupted. I gave him a confused look before he continued. "My real name is Kieran. My grandmother renamed me Aurelius after my mother's death," his jaw twitched as his voice quietened at the end.
I vaguely remember his grandmother calling him Kieran one time when I had been hospitalised after being taken out from the cells. I didn't think much of it back then, choosing to preoccupy my thoughts with the situation at hand.
I had assumed it was a mistake on the old woman's part.
My heart squeezed slightly in my chest for him and as I gazed at the somber man before me. I suddenly realised just how little I knew him.
All I knew was that his name was Aurelius Hadrian and he was the alpha of the Phantom Pack. But even then, I had clearly been mistaken about his name.
I took a moment longer to mull over the new information, relieved at how much easier Kieran was on the tongue and how much younger and softer it made him look.
Tentatively, I placed my hand over his, suddenly filled with a new resolve. I would get to know this man, learn who he was and why he did the things he did. It would only be fair to try and understand the man before making any important decisions like whether if I should forgive him or not and try a romantic relationship.
"Let's start by getting to know each other," I suggested softly.
His lips lifted into a beaming smile and his eyes melted into a warm blue that reminded me of the ocean. The look went straight into my chest, filling it with a light and airy warmth that was dizzyingly addictive. It was then that I vowed to make him smile again.
"I hope you can see that I'm a changed man and I'm no longer the person you ran away from," he spoke sombrely, his face dropping the smile I suddenly loved.
"I understand. But trust takes time to be rebuilt so I don't want to rush into anything. Let's just focus on one thing at a time," he gave me another smile, one that I couldn't help return.
He turned back to face the crowd of people dancing to some music around the bonfire and eating till their hearts content. I felt his hand turn in my grip as he interlaced our fingers and I silently enjoyed the contact while looking over my new home.
I was still a little unsure about the future and scared without Diana by my side, but a small part of me had hope, that everything would work out in the end.
And with that, I decided to relax fully and enjoy the moment before anything could interrupt us.