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Venice, California
Annalisa Green -- March 20th, 1992
Location: Venice Beach
Semaij and I tossed little rocks into the ocean, toes buried in the somewhat warm sand, as we talked. It felt like we haven't talked to each other in ages. I really missed her. I hadn't realized how long its been since I've seen her until she called me, asking when was the last time we've been at the beach.
We really only gotten here a little over an hour ago. The sun was beaming ever so brightly, but it wasn't as warm as I'd expected it to be. Still, we had no care in the world. We didn't bother to bring a jacket to keep us warm, so we'd surely be sick in the next couple of days.
"Mine got farther than yours," she playfully teased, sticking her tongue out.
"That's total bs," I snorted. "How are you?"
"I'm as fine as I wanna be. How are you?"
For the first time in a while, I actually had an answer to that. A good enough answer, too. "I'm okay."
"Really?" She glanced at me, with somewhat of a shocked expression on her face. "Truthfully?"
I laughed, chucking another piece of rock out into the water. "Why would I lie?"
"During our mental health checks, you'd lie and say you're fine, but I could tell in your eyes that you weren't," she explained. "And it wouldn't have been a point to pester you with questions until you budged, because I wouldn't have gotten a truthful answer. You're stubborn," she quickly added, knowing that I would be asking another question.
"Do my eyes give away everything?" Seriously.
"Of course they do." She laughed, throwing her last rock before sitting down on the sand. I followed suit, pulling my knees up and resting my arms on them. "You are, a very readable person."
"Damien said the same thing when he --"
"What? When he finally confessed his love for you?"Semaij smirked.
I frowned. "And how the hell did you know that?"
"He asked me for advice. I told him to go for it, do it, but I didn't know that you'd say no. Ana, he called my phone that same night y'all talked, crying up a storm."
"Oh my goodness," I mumbled, putting my head down. "I should talk to him again."
"And break his little heart again? No, Ana." Semaij put her hand on my shoulder. "The moment you bring it up again he's gonna get in his feelings again, leaving him no room to possibly move on. Let him go through this heartbreak alone. You don't need to hover over him. I promise, he'll be alright."
Knowing that she was right, I still managed to let a pout show on my face. She only looked at me and laughed. Then she laid her head on my shoulder.
"Stop that. He's going to be okay."
I hope so.
As the day slowly dragged on, we laid on the sand cloud gazing and pointing out different shapes. Then we searched for seashells and starfish. We only found a few, but it was enough to loft both of our spirits.
But I felt a little guilty. In my years of knowing her, I have never kept something from her. And she knew when I had something to tell, but I couldn't spit it out. My lips were permanently sealed... I think.
I don't know how long it would be until I tell everyone — my friends and family — about Michael and I. I really wanted to, too, because I felt like they had the right to know. But then again, Michael isn't an ordinary person. Michael is Michael Jackson. He's a big pop star. So it was complicated because I couldn't just tell them. I trusted them, but who's to say that they won't spread the word and have it on the news in the next second?
So I had to be careful. I had to keep quiet a little longer. Besides, Michael and I aren't dating. We aren't together. We're just figuring out how to go about this... thing we have.
Honestly it still hasn't registered in my mind that I liked Michael, and that he liked me. I've had crushes over the years but it was always one sided. I've never had the balls to face someone I liked and straight up said that I liked them.
But now with him, I did, and it felt extremely good. Like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
I don't know, maybe I've liked him all along. It just took for us to kiss for me to come to terms with it. And everything he does contributed to it.
You've always heard on the television how amazing he was with kids, and how he donates to various charities around the world, and how he travels to visit different places and different cultures, donating to them as well. But actually witnessing it in person, is amazing. Who doesn't like a selfless person? Michael is amazing and so generous. And I guess I liked that in a person. What he does to help is exactly what I would do if I'd ever had the money.
And his appearance, God. He's beautiful. Handsome. Very cute. Everything that describes a good looking man. Or maybe he's beyond that. There are no words to describe him.
It's shocking that he doesn't see it that way. And he spent all of his time, boosting me up, and helping me to see how beautiful I am. And he doesn't feel as if he is. I should — no I will — make him see what the whole world sees.
Michael is a beautiful man. Perfect.
And I like him.
"What's on your mind, Ana?" I felt Semaij's eyes on me as we sat by the shore, on logs, in front of a large fire.
I felt my cheeks warm up as I took a swig of the bottled water that was in my hand. "Nothing."
"B. S. I see it all in your face. You're thinking about your little boo, huh?"
"Nooo," and I let out a girly giggle. Cringe.
"Aweee, you're smitten! You like this boy!" Semaij exclaimed, holding my arm excitedly. "Now what is his name!? You have to tell me."
"I ...... can't."
"And why not?"
She looked at me with a confused frown. I couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough. My mind was full of static.
"You don't trust me?" Semaij's frown deepened. "Girl we've been friends for years! You know I wouldn't tell anyone if you didn't want me too!"
"I know, but —"
"Come on, tell me! You actin' like he's someone special, like a top secret agent or something!"
"He's not," I stiffled a laugh. "But I still can't tell you.. at least not now. Besides, you wouldn't believe me anyway."
Semaij waved me off. "Whatever." And I've gotten the memo that she was over it. "I'll find out soon enough. Watch."
If you say so, Semaij.
———
L
os Angeles, California
Michael Jackson -- March 29th, 1992
Location: Salton Sea
The buzz about the album was still going around and at this rate, I don't think it'll ever end. Different tabloids and the fans have said that Dangerous was undoubtly one of the greatest albums to be released last year.
Certains songs from the album have reached the top ten songs on the Billboard, and I was extremely grateful. It feels amazing for people to recognize the hard work you've put into something. And I've given all I can during the making of this album.
It was still pretty early in the day, and so last minute, but I was currently waiting for Ana to return my call. Today was another day to create a short film. In The Closet was chosen for it.
If I'd managed to finish by tonight, I'll be able to have the film release for the world to see by the end of April. Also in April, I'd be shooting a video for another one of my songs. Then after that, I'd have a little break for the rest of April, then rehearsing for the tour would begin in May.
I was a very busy man.
I really wanted Ana to come because I would like to spend some time with her before the tour starts. Once I was on tour, I wouldn't come back until the year after. And that's a long time being away.
Not only would I like to spend time with her, I would also want her to meet Kidada and Rashida. Yes, you've heard it right.
Those two have finally convinced me to let them meet her because they couldn't wait to put a name to a face. It was no secret, I was smitten by Ana. I talked about her to my staff everyday, and sometimes I'd call Kidada and tell her. Then she would pass it along to Rashida.
As much as I didn't want to, I gave in so now I had to. Ana would have to meet them anyway, as they would be on set of the video today as well. And I was so nervous.
I really hoped that they liked her.
Today was for sure going to be a great day... hopefully.
———
Day 36 ^^^^
So sorrryyyyy!
This was meant to be updated yesterday, but I was dealing with some deadly cramps. I took a Tylenol for it & ended up being sleep for most of the day.
I'm feeling better now! 😁
I will make the next chapter as good as I can, cause I feel like this was a little bit rushed. ☹️
Thank you for reading though! Love you's..❤❤❤❤
- nae 💋