"Ma'am, may asawa ka na po ba o kahit boyfriend man lang?"
Nangunot ang noo ko sa tanong ng estudyante ko. Masyado ba akong maganda para hindi mapagkamalang walang boyfriend?
"Bakit, napakaganda ko ba para mapagkamalang may boyfriend?" birong tanong ko. "At kung asawa naman, wala pa akong balak!" dagdag ko.
Kung asawa, malalaman naman nila kaagad kung meron na. Hindi pa kaya napapalitan apelyido ko 'no. Ayoko mapalitan apelyido ko.
"Hintayin mo na lang akong gumraduate, Ma'am! Liligawan kita," biro ni Dave, makulit kong estudyante.
Tumawa lang ako. "Dave, class, please return to your seat and do your activities. Present your output to the class after," utos ko.
I sat down and sighed. Suddenly, realizations hit me again.
That, experiences in life will teach us how to love and accept ourselves, as well as how to grow without the presence of significant others in our lives.
Hindi ko natupad ang pangarap kong maging criminal defense lawyer. Dinala ako ng sariling mga paa ko rito para magturo. Siguro nga, ito ang kapalaran ko at hindi ang maging lawyer na pinapangarap ko.
Because, I'm that dumb?
"Sa ganda mong 'yan, ma'am? Wala ka pa bang boyfriend?" biglang tanong ni Christopher.
Napanguso ako sa sinabi niya. "Christopher, gusto mo bang magturo ako ngayon?" Alam ko na kasi ang balak nila. Papakuwentuhin ka nila hanggang matapos ang oras mo sa klase.
Gawain ko 'yon noong highschool. Papunta pa lang sila, pabalik na ako.
"Sino 'yung doctor na kausap mo sa ospital? Ikaw ma'am, ah!" panunukso naman ni Andrei.
Isa pa 'to.
The doctor he's talking about was my ex-boyfriend...who promised to love me forever. Corny!
But yeah, forever is now just a word to me. The love turned into hatred.
"He's my cardiologist," nakangiting sagot ko.
May sakit ako sa puso at siya ang doctor ko. He pursued to become a doctor and he didn't tell me about that thing. He shifted from engineering to medicine.
"Pagaling ka ma'am!" sabay-sabay nilang sabi.
I smiled at them and mouthed 'thank you'. Inimis ko lahat ng gamit ko nang matapos ang klase.
I heaved a deep sigh. I want to be healthy and do the things I love. Ayaw ko nang bumalik pa roon sa ospital dahil makikita ko lang siya roon at dapat nga he should have his own clinic.
Pero mali talaga ako sa iniisip ko na hindi ko siya makikita ngayon dahil wala akong appointment sa kanya ngayon. Sa labas pa lang ng room ko ay nakita ko na siya. Nakasandal siya sa pasimano habang nakapamulsang naghihintay sa akin.
He is so pesky.
"Eliza...baby..."
That was our endearment before and it gave me nostalgia. He never said sorry to me but he's here, chasing me the way I chased him before...like he didn't hurt me. Ang tanga ko pala noon at hindi na mauulit ngayon.
Promise!
So I guess, the tables have turned the way I didn't expect.
"Stop calling me with that cringe endearment, Dr. Silverio. Hindi na tayo bata. Hanggang ngayon pa rin ba, cheater ka pa rin at nagagawa mong makipag-usap sa 'kin kahit may girlfriend ka na?" I asked bitterly.
Yumuko siya saglit at mahinang natawa 'tsaka ako muling tiningnan. "I don't have a girlfriend."
Umawang ang labi ko at nginisian siya. "Wala akong pakialam kung wala. At Silverio, alam mo? Nakakairita ka na," inis na sambit ko.
"You deserve to hear my explanation," he calmly said, ignoring what I muttered awhile ago.
I can feel the sincerity. I know he's not lying but I don't want to believe him anymore. Tama na siguro 'yong nakaraan, tama na siguro 'yong sakit na ibinigay niya sa 'kin noon. I'm done with it. Nakakapagod kaya magmahal 'no. Traumatized.
Try mo!
And besides, it was just a puppy love after all.
Tinalikuran ko siya at ayaw kong makita ng iba ang kakornihang ito pero kaagad niyang hinila 'yong braso ko. Mabuti na lang at walang masiyadong tao sa hallway.
Hinarap ko siya at malamig na tinitigan. "Ilugar mo minsan pagiging aso mo ha? Huwag kang habol nang habol at una't huli kong ipapaalala sa 'yo, huwag mong gawin dito," malamig at madiin na paalala ko.
"Mahal pa rin kita kaya ako naghahabol. P-Please don't be too hard..."
"You deserve it, Axis." I coldly stated and started to walk away.
I must admit that,
I'm longing for his presence...
For his kiss...
For his tight hugs...
And, for his love...
But I would rather experience the longing than to be with him again. I want him to stop chasing me because I don't want to be with him anymore.