"The best feeling in the whole world is watching things finally fall into place after watching them fall apart for so long..."
--
Temple City, California
Annalisa Green -- January 6th, 1992
Location: 1341 Evergreen St.
Ana's Diary 1/06/1992
Was this how it feels when you know a change is coming?
Lately I've been feeling.... good.
Like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I've been able to breath better.
I admit, I thought that this moment would never come. Years of pain led me to believe that, that was the only thing I will ever feel.
Now here I am, almost eight years of my thoughts eating me alive, depression, suicidal thoughts, and self-harming, smiling and laughing. Playing around, hugging, and openly talking to others.
Wow.
And it still feels weird, but a good weird.
With it being a new year, I feel like this will be a good one. The Golden Year, I'll call it.
It will be the year of change. Better days. Happier moments. More friends. And more importantly: happiness, period.
I'll be the first to claim and speak into existence. This will be a better year for me.
- Ana 💋
***
I closed my journal, this time with a smile on my face. Oh, it feels so weird, I'll never get use to it.
Only six days into the new year and I was feeling oddly confident about... everything. I wanted this year to be good to me so badly, but I knew not to jinx it. I had to be patient. Let everything fully fall into place.
Per usual, I was at home, actually writing outside of my room. No, I wasn't in my bedroom this time... you heard it right. I, Annalisa Jolee Green, wasn't trapped in her room like always.
I was actually laying across the sofa in the living room, letting the television play as background sounds while I wrote. It was odd, but my creative juices flow better when there's a little sound near me. Not complete chaos, but more like the sounds of birds chirping, or even a light conversation.
Today, my topic of writing was broken hearts. How do you know when your heart is broken? When does it happen? Can you die of heartbreak? I wrote what I thought about it, and how I felt about it.
While I was deeply intuned in my writing, the door opened and Aunt Jolene started to speak. "You're out here writing in your journal? Since when?"
"Just thought it'd be different. I know you don't really like when I lock myself inside of my room all day," I said, never looking up from my journal.
"What's for dinner tonigh —" Uncle Harry started, but paused for a moment. I stopped writing momentarily to look at my aunt and uncle's very surprised faces. "You out your room, neice? Since when?"
"I said the same thing!"
I rolled my eyes. "Why is it such a surprising thing that I want to be out of my room?"
"Because you never leave your room unless for a shower, to eat, or to leave the house period," Aunt Jolene replied as Uncle Harry closed and locked the door. They both then walked around the couch to sit with me. I pushed my legs off of the couch, giving them room.
"Exactly, so what's in the water?"
"Nothing."
Aunt Jolene placed her hand on my cheek for a brief second. "You've been smiling more, talking to us more. Hell, you even let us shower you with our love, hugs and all! So I know when there's something different." She closed her mouth, eyeing me carefully.
We stared at each other in silence. They say a woman knows everything, even when you haven't mentioned it before. Could she have possibly known about me meeting Michael? Gosh, I hope not.
I finally broke our stare off and turned away, brushing my hair behind my ear. She gasped loudly. "Annalisa Jolee Green."
"Yes?"
"Are you.... dating?"
"What? No!" I actually laughed.
"Who's the nigga? Do I have to beat his ass?" Uncle Harry asked, being that overprotective uncle that I'd known him to be.
I started to imagine them meeting Michael and wondering what his reaction would be. Aunt Jolene would be star struck and head over heels for him, but what about Uncle Harry. Would he try to beat him up even though he knew who he was?
"....can't lie to me, baby. I know how it is when you first meet a boy, or a man in your case." I blinked, hearing Aunt Jolene speaking. "How long have you known him?"
I frowned. "Wait, how do you know it's not Damien?"
Her and Uncle Harry laughed. "Chile, I know it's not him. Damien's had this little crush on you since forever but you've never looked at him the same way he looks at you. Sorry to say it, but he's been friendzoned for years."
Oh, thank goodness because I wouldn't know how to lie, and then I'd have to tell Damien to play the part — wait, Damien likes me?
"How do you know this?"
"A woman knows, neice." Uncle Harry replied. "Now tell us who the real nigga is so I can prepare for the day I'd have to meet him."
Aunt Jolene gently slapped his thigh and rolled her eyes. "He doesn't mean that."
I raised one eyebrow and twisted my lips to the side, indicating that I knew that was a lie. Uncle Harry was serious. "Oh, hush up chile and tell us!"
"Okay," I playfully rolled my eyes. "Well first and foremost, he's just a friend. I do not see him in any other way than just that."
"Mhm," Uncle Harry hummed and started mumbling to himself.
"His name is..." I trailed off. Should I lie about his name?
"His name is....?"
"Um, uh... Mickey." Damn it. I mentally face palmed myself.
Aunt Jolene smiled widely and grabbed my hands. "Oh, tell me all about him, baby!"
I softly groaned. So much for lying, huh?
———
Los Angeles, California
Michael Jackson -- January 8th, 1992
Location: 1024 South Santee St, Apex Photo Studios
I still couldn't get use to pictures being taken of me.
But, this wasn't the time for me to wallow around in my insecurities. Work needed to be done.
Round two of the Dangerous promotion photoshoot was currently on it way to being completed. After the photoshoot, the following day, I would be meeting with John Singleton again about the video for Remember The Time.
Quincy Jones suggested that I should work with him. I never had a problem with working with anyone, so I agreed. Our first meeting was great. We pitched in ideas and came up with the whole concept of the video. John was a newcoming movie director in the industry, his first movie coming out just last year in July.
I watched his movie, Boyz In The Hood, to kind of get an idea of the person I'd be working with. The movie was really amazing. So I felt nothing but good and postive vibes about what we were coming up with.
So far, the setting would be in Ancient Egypt. Eddie Murphy and Iman will be featured in the film as the Queen and Pharoah. We haven't figured out what will actually happen in the film. So hopefully today, we'd come up with something.
For this photoshoot, I let my hairstylist give me something knew. I had the afro in the 70s, the short curls in the early 80s, and the Jherri Curl in the late 80s. Last year, my hair was long, curly, and in a ponytail for the most part. Both Karen and Kidada wanted me to try something new.
They suggested that I'd wear my hair slightly straightened with curls here and there. I was always afraid of doing different hairstyles, because no one would ever know how to do them, but I gave it a chance. And for the first time in forever, I've gotta say that it looked good. My hair wouldn't be like this for long though.
Currently I was sitting in the chair getting my makeup retouched. Oh boy, I'm paler than a white vase. My skin to the public eye was completely white. At this point in time, I didn't know how to feel about it. Of course I was sad. My skin complextion was fastly deteriorating and I couldn't do anything about it.
I imagine years from now, that I'd be completely white as snow. I couldn't bare it.
And the tabloids! Gee, they are going to have a ball with this. I can see the headlines now: KING OF POP WANTING TO BE WHITE? TAKES DRASTIC MEASURES TO DO SO
They're already saying that I'm purposely bleaching my skin, which is completely false. God made no mistakes creating me, and how stupid would I be to change what he created. I loved the skin that I am, no matter how insecure I felt. I loved my race, I love every race, but bleaching my skin? Come on!
My dermatologist prescribed me with medication to help even out the patches, and Karen's even helping me even my skin with the makeup. I hated that I had to go through this, but I was obviously made for this.
As I said before, I had to embrace it. Be okay with it, and learn to love it.
And I also knew that I had to address those tabloids sooner or later...
————
Day Twenty ^^^
Greetings Earthlings!
How are you today?
Did you know that A Place With No Name is closely reaching 3k? 😌
I have no one to thank but you guys. You're truly amazing. Thank you for reading, commenting, voting, and overall enjoying my book. I really really reallyyyyyy appreciate it(I can't say it enough). ❤
Next chapter is the very iconic (and one of my favorite songs/short films) Remember The Time video shooting. No, I don't know what actually happened during the making of it, but remember this whole story is majorily fiction. Not everything that you read is real, but I do throw in some of the things that I DO know.
Just thought I should say that to the moonwalkers who like to correct people & say "oh, that's not true! Michael actually did this and said that" 💀
Okay, I'm rambling, but thank you so much for reading! Byyeeee 💞💞
And excuse minor errors!
- nae 💋