I stared at myself in the mirror, my body drenching with sweat as I gripped the water bottle in frustration. "Come on." I huffed to myself and tossed it to the side before starting the song on my phone from the top.
Taking in a deep breath, I let the worries leave my body as I focused on the steps of the choreography I just had down a couple weeks ago. When I reached my arms above my head, I felt the familiar strain and instantly dropped my arms with a groan. "Goddamit!" I hissed and snapped, my fist flying into the wall length mirror and shattering it.
I was tired of being useless, borderline decrepit in my eyes. I hid it well from Robyn but last night after the adrenaline wore off, my stomach had felt like I was punched by goddamn Dwayne Johnson. It was terrible. Then, to make matters worse, I get a call from James early this morning.
'Beyonce is performing at Coachella and we need a professional stepper. Are you in?'
Of course I said yes. I missed dancing (and stepping) like a motherfucker. But here I was, not even able to do a damn eight count.
"Babe come on, we gotta get ready for the party." I snapped my head up and nodded, holding my hand behind my back nonchalantly but her gaze caught the mirror. "What the hell did you do to my mirror, Y/n?" Quick.. think think think. My eyes caught the football in the corner of the room and she looked at it before rolling her eyes. "Really?"
"I'm sorry, I know. I'll get it fixed." She waved me off before stepping back, motioning me to come out. "I'll be there in a second, just let me clean up really quick."
"Hurry up, Lewis will be here soon." I gave her a thumbs up with my good hand before wincing looking down at the damage when she left. I completely cut up my right hand from that punch. Shit. This wouldn't be as easy to hide.
After straightening up the studio, I quickly made my way to the bathroom and cleaned the blood off of my hand before wrapping it in a towel. Seeing the cuts without blood let me know that it wasn't too deep but I knew I'd need to have it covered in case they started to bleed again.
So, after changing into a nice outfit, I slid on some cut off Burberry gloves that Dante got me for Christmas and it went perfect with my outfit, luckily. "Y/nn, you ready?" I grabbed my Motrin and went to take my pills but I kind of wanted to drink tonight.. fuck it. I tossed them back into the drawer and walked out of the bedroom. "Ooh, look at you." Robyn said while fixing the collar of my jacket. "You take you medicine?"
I nodded and pressed a kiss to her forehead before walking with her out to the front where Lewis was standing. "Sup Lew, been a minute." I said, shaking his hand.
"Way too long, glad to see you're doing well." I forced a smile with a nod before climbing into the backseat where Melissa sat, a wide smile on her lips.
"Wasssup." I gave her a hug before scooting over so Robyn could sit next to her best friend. "Bitch, I missed you."
"I don't know why you went back to Barbados without me nigga, we had a plan!"
I just let the girls talk as I scrolled down my missed messages. A lot of them were girls who I knew in college, congratulating me for my success but I knew what they really wanted. Others were past teammates, classmates I don't even remember giving my number to.. Then of course, Tatianna.
Sighing, I clicked her message and my eyes widened at the very.. prevalent nude pictures. This girl didn't stop.
Tati: I remember you were 'that' person. Don't know me in front of your girl, know me well when she not around. Isn't that what you told me?
I was about to shut her ass down and make sure she didn't send anymore damn nudes when I heard my name called. You know how you're not guilty of something but you still feel guilty so you act guilty? Yeah.. I quickly closed my phone and looked up with a nod.
Robyn's eyes squinted at my actions and I internally rolled my eyes at myself. Now why in the hell did I do that dumb shit? "What you looking at so hard?" She asked, staring into my soul like she would set me on fire for the wrong move. My eyes moved to Melissa and her lips were pursed while she sipped on a red-bull silently. "I asked you a question, not Melissa."
Shit. I didn't want to ruin New Years, but I also didn't want to lie, I wasn't hiding anything. But she been pregaming.. she already look mad. Shit.
"It's.. Dante being a dumbass." Hey it wasn't a lie, he was sending me headass texts about hurrying up or he'll suck my dick. His words, not mine.
Her gaze continued to pierce through my soul, making me break a sweat but I held my own until she looked away, silently bringing her glass to her lips. I wasn't sure it that was a bad thing or not but I let it go as we soon reached the club.
The door was opened and I climbed out, my hand reaching for Robyn's but she brushed right past me and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Didn't need to give these paparazzi a headline. I followed back after Melissa, keeping my head down until we eventually entered the club that was blasting music.
"Finally damn." I gave Dante a bro hug, my eyes watching Robyn and her best friend flock to another section. "Not even a hello.. what'd you do?"
I waved my hand before grabbing a glass and filling it with Henny. "Don't worry about it. Where's your girl?" He gave me a look before dropping the topic and nodding to the dance floor.
"With her girls." I nodded and swallowed the small glass I poured before starting to pour another glass. "You not wasting no time huh?"
I simply nodded and brought the glass to my lips, only to have it yanked out of my hand with some of the liquid spilling on my shirt. "What the fuck?" I said with a frown as Robyn sat the drink down.
"You know you can't drink with your medicine, Y/n." She said pointedly and I huffed, leaning against the table and looking away from her. "Do you want a soda? I can have them bring-"
"Nah. I'm straight." I said, keeping my eyes forward until she huffed and walked away. I watched her get lost in the crowd before I grabbed the glass again.
"Yo she right. That shit could fuck you up." Dante said and I finished off my second drink. "Y/n.."
"I didn't take my medicine." I reassured and a sigh left his lips when I grabbed a shot off of a tray that was being carried by a bottle girl. "It's been a while since I've had a drink with you bro, come on. Loosen up."
He looked hesitant but eventually nodded and grabbed a shot as well. "Rih is gonna fuck you up." He said and I shrugged, clanking our glass, then threw the shot back. I could deal with the consequences later. My ass almost died a month ago, I deserved to live.
-
It's been a few hours since I've seen Robyn to be honest and I knew the clock was going to strike twelve soon. "Melissa!" I called out when I saw her and she raised her eyes, watching me approach her before my arm draped over her shoulder. "You seen Rob?" I asked.
"Are you drunk?" She asked and I shook my head, probably unconvincingly. "You better drink some water before she get's back, or something to sober your ass up. Are you trying to piss her off?"
"She acting like my damn mom. I just wanna have some fun yo, I'm fine. Everyone keeps treating me like a fucking child." I pulled my arm off and turned, only to trip and stumble into a body that caught me from falling. "Shit.." I raised up, my smile widening when I saw my girlfriend. "Heeyy, lifesaver."
She pushed me back and shook her head after one look. "Let's go." My eyebrows furrowed when she pushed me forward. "We're leaving."
"What? Why are you trippin bruh? It's new years!" I tripped over my own feet again but steadied myself and made a detour to the bar. "Aye! Lemme get like three- shh.." I pressed my hand to Robyn's mouth when she popped up, telling me to stop. "You stop. Let me get two shots of whiskeysss."
Her hand snatched mine off of her mouth and I felt her breath tick my ear, her voice serious and stern. "You are pissing me the fuck off, Y/n. Stop acting like a dumbass and let's go."
I waved my hand and grabbed the shot glasses before pushing from the bar and walking through the crowd again to Dante's section. "Shots!" He looked up with Lauren on his lap, eyebrows raising. "Why are you babysitting that damn beer?"
His eyes moved behind me and he shook his head with a smile. "I'm still in season.. can't go too crazy. How about a water?"
"A what?" I let out a laugh and brought the glass to my lips. "You're funny."
"Y/n." I felt Rob hand grab my chin and she turned me to face her fiery ass pretty eyes. She really did have some pretty eyes though. "Look at me." I hummed absentmindedly as I saw nothing but blur. "I am not fucking around, you hear me?"
"Fiiine." I groaned and set the glass down. "Let's go party pooper."
I just wanted to have fun, was that so bad?
We made it out of the club and I squinted through the flashes until we reached the car, me climbing in first and dropping against the seat with a groan. "I'm hungry as fuck." I huffed, rubbing my stinging eyes before leaning up and resting my hand on Lewis's shoulder as he got in the driver seat. "Can you stop at Jack in the Box or something?"
"No, take us straight home, Lewis. I don't wanna be in this car longer than I have to."
I smacked my lips and sat back before pulling my phone out and trying to send a message to Dante but I accidentally clicked Tatianna's damn contact. I kept swiping my finger to go out but my damn coordination was all off. "What are you deleting?" I saw Robyn reach for my phone but I pulled back which made her eyebrows furrow. "Y/n."
"What?" I huffed before locking my phone. Her eyes bored through mine as she held up her hand. "You want a highfive?" Before I could react, she snatched my phone out of my phone only to remember I had a lock. "Gimme my shit." I reached for it and she pulled away, her back turning to me.
"What are you hiding nigga?" I huffed and reached again but she pushed me back by my chest. "What's your fucking password?"
"None of your damn business." Her head snapped to me and I raised my eyebrows. "What? You don't trust me now?"
"I don't."
I nodded and leaned back. "Well that's a personal problem then." I could feel her still staring at me as I looked ahead. Then, her hand shot up with my phone, the Face ID unlocking. This bitch.. "What is your problem?!" I said, my voice rising as she went to my messages. "You're trippin." I huffed and she turned the phone to face me, the messages I thought I deleted.. not deleted.
"I'm tripping?" She threw the phone at my chest, her head shaking as she held her hands up. "I knew it, I knew that girl at the restaurant wasn't some 'old news' or whatever the fuck you said." I looked away and deleted the messages for good this time just as I felt her hand push my head to the side. "You was always a sleazy ass nigga, cheating and shit." I clenched my jaw when she did it again.
"Shut up, nobody cheating on you." I huffed, rubbing my temples when she grabbed my jacket and pulled my attention back to her.
"Who the fuck are you telling to shut up?"
"Not Melissa." I retorted and she shoved me back as she exhaled heavily, her leg bouncing. "And keep your damn hands to yourself." I fixed my jacket and picked up my phone, only for her to grab it from my hands again and throw it back on the floor. "Robyn, cut it out."
I bent down to get it but she kicked it out of my reach and grabbed the back of my jacket, pulling me back up. "No, you not calling one of your damn thots to come pick your ass up." I snatched her arm off of my jacket and she half smacked, half pushed my head, I'm calling it a slap.
"What the fuck did I just say?" I hissed and grabbed her shoulders, pushing her against the seat. "Don't fucking hit me, bitch."
I closed my eyes when I suddenly felt wetness on my face. She just spit.. "Don't call me a goddamn bitch!" I then dunked my head when her hand came up and smacked across my face. No okay I was wrong before. That one was a slap. I raised my head and grabbed her arms, keeping her arms distance apart as I shoved her against the window so she couldn't hit me again. "Get the fuck off me!" I kept her pressed against it before feeling her leg come up and knee me right in the balls.
Groaning, I pulled back to cup myself which gave her time to smack me upside the side again.
"Y'all- come on, we pulling up." I felt Melissa grab my jacket and pull me back, then sliding between Robyn and I. "You don't want a damn fight on The Shade Room." I clenched my jaw, feeling the sting in my cheek as we stopped on the street just before the house which were littered with paparazzi. Fuck this.
I pushed the door open and hopped out, the hoodie on my jacket covering my face as I pulled it down. "Y/n!" Melissa called but I kept walking down the sidewalk, my head down when I saw flashes following me.
"Everything okay, Y/n?"
"Happy New years."
I pulled my hood down further before going into the first place I saw and just my luck. Jack in the Box.
-
I leaned against the wall, my hand knocking on the door before waiting for an answer. "One second." I yawned lightly, exhaustion weighing on me heavily as her footsteps gradually grew louder. My eyes moved to the sun that was just rising, a plethora of oranges and pinks. Then when the door opened, she looked at me in confusion. "Y/n?"
I smiled softly. "Hey mama.. I need some help."
After she let me in; there was me explaining my situation vividly, her giving me the 'you are the dumbest motherfucker' look, then the silence. I sipped on the coffee she brewed me and watched her tap the table softly. "When I had you.." She started lowly. "We were told that you were a boy, at the time, intersex wasn't a big thing so we didn't even consider the possibility. I just knew that I wanted you to grow up different from the other boys in the A. I wanted so badly for you to be different, Y/n. But your father."
I frowned when she let out a sigh and rested her head on her hand. "You father lost his chance to play in the league and he changed. He become cold, distant, he was never abusive but he had an aura where.. you didn't want to question him. And I didn't. When we found out you were intersex, that only made him tougher. He put you in football, using his name to get whatever was needed."
I nodded, knowing that part. It was one of the main reasons I was never told no.. they'd also be saying no to Richard Y/ln, and no one told Richard Y/ln no. "I could see you changing, Y/n. I saw how it went from a facade to your identity and it was the very thing I feared. You became my greatest fear, Y/nn, and that terrified me."
Shit. Just stick the knife and twist it huh? "But," My head raised and I saw her smile. "But then you brought Rihanna over for dinner and I saw how happy you were. You weren't pretending with her." I grinned weakly, not thinking she was paying so much attention that day. "You were the Y/n I knew before Rick made you his puppet. Sweet, talkative, passionate. You had the light back in your eyes so from what you're telling me, it's hard to believe you acted that way with her, Y/nn."
I swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yeah I.. wasn't nice." I brought the cup back to my lips, my head now shaking. "I wasn't nice at all."
"Y/n." I hummed and raised my eyes to see her knowing gaze. "Why are you here?"
I knew the exact answer to that. "I'm.." I set the mug down and took in a sharp breath. "I'm scared that if I go to her.. she'll leave me." Her head nodded knowingly as I came to terms with what I was feeling. "And that's terrifying.. I need her mom, more than anything, she's my everything."
"Then why are you here with nothing and not your everything?" I opened my mouth to respond but couldn't answer that one. "I know you didn't cheat on her, Y/n. I can see when you truly care deeply about someone and she's someone you wouldn't intentionally hurt."
"Never." I said, my head shaking. "I'd never cheat on her- I'm in love with her mom."
"I know babe, I know." She said, her hand resting on mine. "But be in her shoes. She took a chance on you and finds you hiding nudes in your phone. What's her immediate reaction?"
I sighed. "Thinking I'm a sleazy a-hole." She nodded in agreement. "I'm stupid sometimes, I think I'm making the right decision until it's too late for me to realize it isn't the right decision."
"Try this." She started. "Don't think about making the right decision and just make the right decision. You know lying isn't good. That should be as far as your thinking goes." I nodded in understanding. "I'm rooting for you Y/nn but this is something you have to fix.. no running." I nodded softly and ran a hand down my face. "And you said she slapped you?" I nodded. "Did you hit her back?"
"Nah.." Her head tilted and I let out a soft chuckle. "I didn't! Was I tempted? I mean.. them smacks hurt so I was internally rocking her but I'd never actually lay my hands on her. Especially not with her ex being abusive."
"Okay." She said and sat back in her seat. "This is all you babe, you've gotta fix it. No more running.. let her know you're scared, just let everything go."
I nodded just as I heard footsteps down the stairs, followed by a "Oh you're here." I raised my eyebrows at Aaliyah's words. "You're fucked."
"Aaliyah." My mom hissed and she raised up, her hands moving to the belt around her waist.
"Wait wait wait." She said quickly with wide eyes and I snorted while sipping my coffee. "I didn't even see you mom- wait!" She raised her hands when my mom ripped the belt off at lightning speed. Ah, I remember those days.. "I have to show you somethin.. it's with Y/n!"
I chuckled under my breath before resting my hand on my moms arm. "Before you beat the black off her, can I see what she's talking about?" She 'mhm'ed sarcastically before sitting the belt on the table and eyeing Aaliyah while walking to the sink. "Okay.. what's up?"
She slid her phone across the table. "What happened last night?"
It was Twitter.. oh boy.
@JustJared: #Roughwaters Rihanna leaving Oak1 club last night not very happy..
@Jordyk: It look like she about to go 'Needed Me' on her wheewww
@Derray: "Oh mama.. I just shot a man dowwwwn." Running through her head 😂
@TheShadeRoom: Happy New Years #Roommates hope yours was better than RiRi's. Y/n and Rihanna left the club early, both wearing they annoyed faces. Early this morning a video surfaced with the couple in the car arguing. And it wasn't just with the words hunny #DingDingDing #Knockout *video*
@Kryspamzz: Okay can we talk about that right slap 😭 almost took the niggas head off
@BlacChyna: I don't know what that bitch said but the automatic spit + slap combo had to be sum bad. #SoRockIt frfr
@ToryLanez: Respect for not hitting her back cause look at the look on Y/n face. She was STEAMIN.
@JustJared: New Footage: Just before the physical altercation *video*
@Lulu2: SHE SNATCHED HER PHONE OH SHIIIIIT. OOO OOO I WANNA SEE WHAT WAS ON IT
@Smallbootiesmattr: Damn.. Y/n snatched it back.. Bad look.. very bad look
@MissyC: Lol Melissa just sitting there like 'it's out of my hands now' with her glass of wine
@Navies: LMAO MELISSA IS BEYONCE IN THE ELEVATOR
@Sxraaa: What I would do to be a fly on a wall right now goodness
@Antibxtch: Wait I slowed the video and I can read the lips a lil. Rih: "Who you telling to shut up?" Y/n: "Not Melissa"
@Stefflondon: Damn she got guts. I woulda smacked her right then 💀💀
@RihxY/nupdates: Y/n spotted leaving Atlanta airport early this morning.
@Sxraaa: She like "Mommy.. she hit me."
@RihNavies: I hope they work out cause they so fuckin good together
I sat the phone down and slid it back to Aaliyah who was already looking at me. "So.." I nodded. "You're f-ed?"
"Um.. you wanna come back to New York with me? Might need a friend."
Her eyes widened and she shot up, running up the stairs while shouting. "Ma I'm going to New York, you can't whoop me!"
I looked at my mom and she shook her head with a sigh. "Take care of my baby, Y/n."
More like 'take care of me.'
___
Soooo.. don't hate me?