"I battle with depression, but the question still remains
Is this post-traumatic stressin' or am I suppressing rage?
And my doctor tries to tell me that I'm going through a phase
Yeah, it's not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay
Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit everyday
And it's probably 'cause my demons simultaneously rage
It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me"
- Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse
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Once Gemma had left, I was left in my own thoughts. Abel was sleeping in his room, and so I knew he would be asleep for at least an hour. My mind was racing with different scenarios of how my father and family could take the news. There was no way they would be happy, but I had to hope they wouldn't come here with guns drawn, especially since I had a baby here with me.
Honestly, I wouldn't have believed Stahl, if it wasn't for the fact that she was so adamant on getting information on the Sons of Anarchy. Had she just asked and not really cared, I wouldn't have believed her. I felt as if I was in danger now, though Gemma had said that her and the boys would keep me safe and not let me be taken away without a fight. For some reason, I felt as if she didn't mean it as much as I had hoped she did.
Sighing, I decided to make dinner for Jax and I while I had a lot on my mind. Maybe my mind would ease up, just enough to be able to hear myself think at least. I hated being worried about what was to come. I had never ran away from home before, nor had I gone to such crazy changes while gone, so I knew my father and family would be going ceazy once they found out.
The only person I believed would be happy for me would be Dakota, and maybe Cobie if I was lucky. Cheryl may be happy for me as well, though she missed me just as much as Jayden did. I loved her little boy, but that was never enough to stay and struggle with my self worth for the rest of my life in a job I didn't even want to be a part of. I hated bounty hunting, and now I was finally free from it, and I never wanted to go back.
By the time dinner was ready, I heard the front door open and shut. Abel was sitting in his bouncer on the table so that I could watch him while cooking. Jax came into the kitchen and played with Abel for a moment, before walking over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kissed my shoulder, as he held me close to his body.
"Ma told me what happened." Jax commented, causing me to sigh.
"I'm sorry, Jax. If I knew I was going to cause so much trouble, I wouldn't have ever come into yours and Abel's lives. I didn't want to make your lives miserable." I said, before Jax spun me around and held my face in his hands.
"Don't ever say that, Lakota. Abel and I love having you around. There's drama everywhere with everyone no matter where you go. I'm glad you're here with us. I don't think we would've survived this long without you. You're the person that makes our little family perfect and whole." Jax stated, causing me to smile lightly.
"I love being here with you and Abel. I just hate bringing you two into my family drama." I replied, making Jax chuckle.
"Babe, family drama happens all of the time. We literally deal with Gemma on a day to day basis, if that's not family drama, I don't know what is. Besides, I've got your back now, Lakota. You're not left to fend for yourself anymore. We're a team, and we're going to beat this together." Jax commented, as he kissed me lightly.
Jax and I sat down to eat dinner, as Abel babbled away in his seat. He loved having conversations with us at dinner time, it made him feel like he was a big boy. Jax and I acknowledged everything he'd babble, and answer him back wholeheartedly. He'd giggle quite often, as if we told him a joke that he found hilarious. Honestly, I wished I could go back to being a baby, when things weren't so hard and everything seemed funny.
At around nine, I decided it was time for Abel to go to bed. He didn't need to stay up until ten, not unless he had a late nap, in which case, it'd probably be from a car ride. He loved sleeping while I was driving, which made trips so much easier, instead of having a baby that hated car rides and didn't like to sleep in the car either.
"I hope I can stay for you, Abel. I don't want to leave, but if it comes down to it, I'll leave so you can be happy with your Daddy. I know mine is a pain in the ass, and yours can be sometimes, too, but I know your Daddy will do right by you if I have to leave. I promise you I'll fight to stay though, no matter how hard it gets. I don't plan on ever leaving your side." I said, before kissing Abel's head and then laying him down in his crib.
Once I walked out of his nursery, I made my way into mine and Jax's room. Jax was already laying down on the bed, waiting for me to get ready to lay down as well. After changing into a pair of Playboy sleep pants and a black tank top, I laid down beside Jax and pulled the blanket up to my waist.
"I heard what you said to Abel, and I don't plan on ever letting you leave, not without a fight, even if that means I get locked up. Abel needs you and so do I." Jax said, causing me to sigh.
"Jax, my father and family can be quite hard headed. They get what they want when they want it, almost every time that they're able. I don't want you and Abel ending up hurt because of me." I stated, as Jax pulled me close to him.
"We won't get hurt. I promise, Lakota, we'll be happy. I love you, darlin'." He replied, causing my heart to practically beat out of my chest.
I didn't expect him to say he loved me, but when the words came out of his mouth, they were like music to my ears.
"I love you, too, Jax." I answered, as he kissed me sweetly.
The kiss did get heated, but we had to stay quiet. We didn't want to wake Abel, especially since the boy was cranky when he didn't get all the sleep he needed...
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A/N: I hope you liked this chapter. The song in the media is my favorite song right now, so please, all of you check it out. I have a serious question, maybe I won't be as weird as I thought, but have any of you guys just woke up bitchy and for the rest of the day, everything just seemed to piss you off, even the slightest inconvenience made you angry? Today seems to be that day for me. Also, what do you guys think of the chapter? What do you think's going to happen in the future?
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- Youngblood Xxx