It's been a week since Cole showed me how he felt about me and I'll admit, I could've been better. That night Richard didn't take me straight home, I was still too much a mess to face my mom without her asking questions.
So, he took me to an open all-night garage that stocked my favourite ice-cream. He bought me a tub and just sat silently while I binged on the sugary treat. That why Richard's my best friend: he knows exactly what I need without me even asking.
When I got home my mom questioned why I looked down, but I just explained that I was tired from all the talking. Although, getting her to believe it became a lot harder regarding the following days.
I tried to keep busy as much as possible due to the fact that every time I thought about Cole tears would come to my eyes. In the end I managed to clean every inch of our house ... thrice.
Normally you can't get me to throw one article of clothing into the hamper. My mom questioned my sudden cleaning frenzy, my response being that I was tired of watching T.V.
I felt bad for constantly lying to my parents, but I've since learnt to ignore the feeling.
However, today was a very quiet day for me. My parents were at work, leaving me alone with Dobey in the empty house. I didn't plan on spending today as I have every other day this holiday.
I climbed out of bed early and changed into a pair of public-worthy jeans and a purple sweater, pulling on my black knee-high boots and topping off the look with a white scarf wrapped around my neck.
I put on a little eyeliner and mascara before coating my lips with a shiny watermelon-flavoured lip-gloss. I took a moment to look myself over in the mirror before sighing.
Today was not the happiest of days for me.
"Come on, Dobey," I spoke softly as I grabbed his lead to clip it on his collar.
Even Dobey was quieter today, picking up on my sombre mood. I wrote a note for my parents, just in case they came home early, and grabbed the appropriate amount of money I would need. I stepped outside and paused, taking in the biting winter air and extremely overcast sky. I moved back inside to grab my umbrella before locking the door.
Dobey walked obediently beside me as we walked down the sidewalk. After a few minutes of walking I left Dobey tied up outside while I went into a flower shop and bought a bouquet of red carnations. Then I made my way to one of the places that I dreaded to visit - the cemetery.
Although the grounds were always immaculately kept, I couldn't help but feel guilt and shame claw at my insides when I stepped foot on the premises. I clutched the bouquet of flowers tighter as I led Dobey down the many rows of tombstones, my feet sadly knowing exactly where to go.
When I came to his tombstone I stood in front of it for a moment and stared at the encryption.
Seth Fleming
1965-1983
A loving son and brother.
I sighed as I felt the tears burn my eyes and blinked to try and clear them. I didn't want to ruin my make-up so soon.
I crouched down and gently pulled the dead flowers from the vase and replaced them with the fresh carnations. They were his favourite.
I stared at the words another moment and closed my eyes as I felt the memory of that fateful day come back to me. With a deep breath, I slowly opened my eyes and lowered myself down into a seated position.
I glanced around for a moment to make sure no-one was around. I always felt awkward talking to a tombstone if other people were nearby. Dobey sat down quietly next to me. Once I saw that the cemetery was empty I turned to look back at the tombstone and took a deep breath.
"Hey Seth, it's been quite a while since we last spoke. Um, things have been a little hectic with school ..." My voice wavered and I cleared it. "This year's turned out to be a little different to what I had expected, because firstly ... I met a boy. His name's Cole. It was actually funny how we met. He pulled me out of a rubbish bin that I fell into while I was running through the corridor at school. You know, I never look where I'm going."
I gave a soft chuckle, but it was filled with pain. I stopped a moment later. "Well, no-one has made me quite as confused as he has. It's funny how guys have always said that girls are complicated, but I really think it's the other way round."
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "Everything he does confuses me ... This is when I wish you were here to give me some kind of advice. I mean, he can be so caring one minute and then just ... shuts me out the next."
I shook my head. "I can see now why Mom was so against us dating in school. I mean, I'm not even dating the guy and he's already caused so much drama in my life. Mom met him and hated him instantly, and I don't know why. I guess he's got that whole bad-boy look going for him, with the tattoos and so on. Although he's stopped with that earring now, I never see him wear it."
"But he ... I don't know. I don't understand him. He doesn't open up to me, but he's always looking out for me. To be honest, I was hoping he sort of liked me, but that was quickly shot down when I heard he was taking Amy to the grade twelve dance. I should've known though. I mean, why wouldn't someone as smart, tall and handsome as him ... ever feel anything for someone like me?"
I sighed and ran my hand down my face. "It stung finding out about that especially because he suddenly ignored me for two months straight for a reason I still don't know. Then last week I went to a party with Richard and Cole protected me from some drunken teenager who was getting a little too physical for my liking. I sort of acted like a brat and blew off at him because of it. I didn't even say thank you. Instead I asked him why he ignored me and he said he had his reasons. But what got to me was the fact that he said he didn't care about me at all. He insulted me as well."
I cut my rambling off and quickly brushed away a tear that was threatening to slip down my cheek. "You have no idea how much that hurt me. I've never been shouted at or insulted to my face in my life by someone that I care about, and his words affected me more than I ever want to admit. I've been on a cleaning frenzy ever since to try and forget about him. Obviously I can't tell Mom what's been going on. She'll have a fit. I just ... I just wish you were here. You always knew what to do in a situation because I honestly don't know what's going to happen now when I go back to school."
I had been talking for so long that my voice was starting to break when I felt it ... those tingles. Dobey jumped when he heard footsteps behind us before his tail started wagging.
"Elizabeth?"
I sighed. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know who it was but what made me panic was the question of how long he had been listening before he made himself known. I swallowed and slowly turned to face him.
Cole was in his usual attire, the only difference when I looked at him was his eyes showed extreme fatigue, as though he hadn't slept in a week. But I'm sure that completely coincidental.
Why was he here? I looked back at the tombstone ignoring the presence behind me.
I heard him walk closer to me. "Can ... can we talk?"
I closed my eyes as I kept my voice as calm and even as possible. "I don't think there's anything to discuss, Cole."
"Please."
That one word almost broke me. It was so thick with emotion that if my back hadn't been facing him, I probably would've given in straight away. But I was tired of putting my heart out on my sleeve only to have it get hurt again and again. I had to distance myself from him.
I slowly stood and grabbed Dobey's lead. "I have to go."
"Wait."
My steps faltered as Cole grabbed my arm, preventing me from going further and I turned to look at him.
"What?" I asked and tried to keep eye contact, but I couldn't hold it for long under his smouldering gaze.
"I ... I want to explain," he said quietly.
Don't give in. Don't give in to those eyes. Don't give in to that look.
"I think you've already made it pretty clear what you think of me. So, I won't waste your time any longer."
"No," Cole's grip tightened on my arm when I tried to get out of his hold. "I didn't mean what I said."
I paused my attempt to get away and stared into his eyes. "If you didn't mean it then why would you have said it?" I countered.
His mouth opened to respond before he sighed and looked away. I took in a deep breath as I looked around to see that it had started to drizzle. "I should get going," I said quietly. I didn't want to fight with him and especially not here.
"There's a café I know close by. We can sit there," Cole responded, still not letting go of me.
"What about Dobey?" I replied, trying to get him to stop pushing it.
Didn't he see that I didn't want to talk to him?
"They're fine if the dog's well-behaved," he replied.
"I don't have any money."
"I didn't ask if you did."
I huffed out in frustration. Cole clearly wasn't letting this go. "I don't-"
"I'll answer anything you want," Cole cut me off and he looked at me with pleading eyes.
I looked away from him and at the dreary-looking scene that surrounded us. I had to stop talking to him. It'll only hurt me in the end.
"I need to go," I said softly.
I couldn't see his facial expressions, but I felt his hold tighten on me a moment before letting go all together. I didn't look at him as I began to walk off, but something made me stop - that something being Dobey biting my sleeve preventing me from moving lest I tear my sweater.
When did my dog suddenly like Cole more than me?
I stared into Dobey's eyes silently willing him to let go of my sleeve, but he whined and gave me the best puppy dog eyes he could. He clearly wasn't ready to leave Cole anytime soon. I sighed and looked back at Cole, to see him staring at me silently.
"Anything?" I asked.
I saw his eyes flicker with hope for a split-second. "Anything," he confirmed.
"And you're paying?" I wanted to clarify.
"Yes."
I looked away as tiny puffs of white smoke came from my mouth. I guess I would be a fool to give up the chance for a free hot chocolate. I bit my lip before sighing.
"Fine."